Filed Under » Peyton Manning

TMZ is reporting that Colts quarterback Peyton Manning and several members of his entourage were arrested early this morning after one of them opened fire inside a Miami gentleman’s club. The incident occurred at 3:25 AM at King of Diamonds, a club located near South Beach.

According to witnesses, the incident started when members of Manning’s posse exchanged words with another group of men, reportedly over a woman. Within minutes, the words escalated to pushing and shoving and shots were fired resulting in a “mini-riot” as patrons rushed to the exit.

Several witnesses reported that a member of Manning’s posse did the shooting at the urging of Manning himself.

“There was all this pushing and shoving and Manning was standing off to the side screaming things like ‘Kick his ass’ and ‘F—k him up!’” said a bartender who works at the club. “Then somebody threw a bottle off his head so he grabbed one of his boys and was like ‘Take ‘em out!’ and that’s when the guy started shooting.”

After the initial shot was fired, patrons began rushing for the exits, creating a chaotic and frightening scene. The conflict continued outside with more pushing and shoving and several shots fired.

“It was a nightmare. Everybody was trying to get out at the same time,” said one witness. “Then, you get out to the parking lot and it’s still going on. And it’s all Manning. He’s orchestrating the whole thing. He’s like ‘Yo, take out that motherf—ker! Put him down!’ Then he was kicking and punching guys who were on the ground. I mean, I never took him for a real violent guy, but I guess this is what happens when you can’t handle your liquor.”

As cruisers and EMT’s arrived on the scene, Manning strutted around the parking lot, gesturing to the crowd and urging them to cheer him on.

“It was like the WWE,” said one witness. “He was walking around with his hand to his ear saying ‘Let me here it! Let me here it, motherf—kers!’ And, of course, everybody was cheering him on, even though he’s a thug. It was a real pathetic scene. Thankfully, I captured the whole thing on my cell phone. You can see it on TMZ.com today.Myvideo! And my mother never thought I’d amount to anything.”

Cops arrested Manning and several members of his entourage. He was released on bail this morning and issued a statement through his agent:

“I am sorry for the embarrassment I have brought to the organization. I hope I have not caused too much of a distraction for my teammates. While I am innocent of any wrongdoing, I do take responsibility for putting myself in that situation in the first place and vow to be more careful about who I associate with in the future. And just to clarify, I can handle my liquor. I think someone just slipped something into my drink. If they are still alive, I hope they are prosecuted.”

Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning had a special treat for his team today before practice, letting a man who has worked behind the scenes for the team for many years address the players.

"Fellas, before we go out to practice today," said Manning. "I want us all to remember that many people helped get us here to the Super Bowl. And I don't think we should forget them. So I'd like to have one of those people speak to you today."

Manning then called a man forward and put his arm around him.

"Many of you probably recognize the man here beside me," said the quarterback. "He's not just the kindly black man we pass in the halls or see in the locker room. He does an important job for the Colts. What's your job, Jim? It is Jim, right?"

"Yes, it's Jim. And I'm the head coach," said Caldwell.

"Ha! Good one!" Manning said, slapping Caldwell's back. "Who else here knew that this guy was so funny? Well, Jim, the floor is yours. You have the players' attention."

Caldwell stepped forward, cleared his throat and quietly and nervously spoke.

"This is very exciting for me," he said. "I've thought about this opportunity for a long time."

He then launched into a list of areas he wanted the team to work on in practice and even started writing a play idea on the locker room whiteboard.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Manning eventually interrupted, cutting the man off. "Let's stay in our lane, buddy. Back to the mail room or wherever it is you work."

After Caldwell left, Manning apologized to his team.

"Sorry that got a little awkward," he said. "But I just wanted to remind you that we're playing for all of the employees in this organization. Even the ones with seemingly pointless, menial jobs. And I think that guy showed how important we are to him. Drawing up a play. Hilarious!"

Several Colts players say that if they are fortunate enough to take a big lead in the Super Bowl, they may even run the man's play.

"How often has a team run a play drawn up by a janitor in the Super Bowl?" said center Jeff Saturday. "It would be a cool story."

New Orleans Saints backup quarterback Mark Brunell had his teammates doubled over with laughter when he did his famous Peyton Manning impression at practice today.

"Oh, man! Mark! Mark! Do that one again where you throw an incompletion, wrinkle your face all up and then yell to the coaches something about the receiver running the wrong route," requested Saints safety Darren Sharper.

Brunell immediately complied, throwing a pass behind a scout team receiver, slumping his shoulders and storming off the field, angrily gesturing towards the intended receiver.

"Aaaaahhhhh! So funny, man. So funny!" yelled Sharper. "Stop. I'm going to pull something laughing. Just stop!"

Brunell next ran a series in which he audibled out of every play he was told to run by head coach Sean Payton.

"Run the plays I give you!" yelled Payton. "We need to prepare our defense for what Indianapolis runs."

But Brunell insisted he was checking to better plays — and used a folksy drawl for added effect. Payton didn't laugh, however, and only became more enraged when Brunell stopped him to take a fake phone call from his "little brother".

"No, Eli. Mommy is not being mean to you," said Brunell. "It's not good to eat glue."

As more Saints broke into laughter around him, Payton said he understands that Brunell is doing Manning — and that he appreciates the skill to pull it off.

"I'm just not that big into people who do impressions. It's not all that funny to me," said Payton. "Like, Frank Caliendo. Eh. Doesn't do it for me. You know what I would like? If Brunell could actually throw like Peyton Manning. Then we wouldn't be screwed if Drew Brees ever gets hurt."