Picture Eli-Peyton Noogie Tattoo
So now the noogieee has become the noogier
Irsay's slaughter and decapitation continues weeks of upheaval at the team's West 56th Street complex. Personnel executives Bill and Chris Polian were let go the day after the regular season ended and, after Irsay hired former Eagles player personnel director Ryan Grigson as the team's new GM, head coach Jim Caldwell was fired.
Grigson is now believed to be hiding somewhere in the Colts' facility as Manning, Manning's father Archie and the family's hired assassin search door-to-door for him.
FOX Sports' Jay Glazer was the first to report Irsay's murder, as he was on the phone with the owner when the Mannings and their hired goon arrived and overheard Irsay's cries for help.
"Fans see sports as fun, but it's a business," said Glazer. "Sometimes moves are made that might seem heartless or cruel. But show me a star player who hasn't been involved in the death of someone who has tried to get in their way. You can't."
Another proud moment in Colts history.
"There are a lot of things that can be a distraction to a modern athlete's neck," said Dungy, who has written self-help books and mentored Michael Vick, Plaxico Burress and others since stepping away from coaching. "But I find that if a neck just stays looking ahead at the Lord, it doesn't need to twist or turn, so it will never get hurt. Jesus saves necks."
Manning underwent offseason neck surgery on May 23rd, but his rehab and arm strength have plateaued and it is expected that he will miss the Colts' season opener, if not more games, and end his consecutive starts streak at 208.
"It's been frustrating, obviously," said Manning. "But I do feel like I'm getting closer to being 100-percent again. I just need rehab and rest. Unfortunately, it's been tough to do either the last few days with Tony always appearing out of nowhere to try to talk to my neck or pray for my neck. He was a pretty good coach, I guess, but he's super weird."
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced the rule change today after being summoned to meet with Peyton Manning and his father, Archie, at the family's New Orleans home.
"It is my job to look out for the best interests of the NFL," said Goodell, "and it occurred to me today, while being served tea by Archie Manning while, I have to admit, quite fearful that he was going to pour the hot kettle on my lap, that no hitting or touching of quarterback necks should be allowed."
In addition to the no hitting or touching of quarterback necks, defensive players will be subject to ejection if they force a quarterback to move or twist his neck.
"Essentially, if anyone plays too tight of defensive on Peyton's primary receiver, forcing him to turn his neck and look for someone else to throw to, that player will be ejected," said Archie Manning. "I've been pushing for this rule for my boys for years, even before Peyton hurt his neck."
I fear Eli Manning thinks this is real.
Opinion A Very Manning Family Christmas
Gee, thanks for my Sponge Bob knapsack, Santa!
Okay, kid gift time is over. What did you get me?
(Peyton and Eli pick up a big box from under the tree and place it at their father's feet.)
Wow! It's huge!
I chipped in for the paper and the bow.
Who are you again?
Cooper. Your oldest.
My oldest what? Failure?
Shut up, failure.
(Archie excitedly tears into the package and opens up the top of box. He pulls out a sweater.)
What the? What is this? A fking sweater?
Yeah, dad. We thought it would look good on you. You know, for TV. I got it at the best men's clothier in all of Indianapolis!
Indianapo-? let me tell you little turds something. I don't even like football, okay? I played it for you. I went to college for you. I toiled for years for that piece of crap Saints franchise for you. I learned all about the game for you. So one day I could raise two sons, teach them everything about the game, and they could go on to become the two highest-paid players in the NFL. Why? So they would be super rich and I could get some kickass Christmas gifts.
Umm three sons, dad.
Shut up, Cooper. Your ashamed father is talking.
"Peyton Manning has been the coach here for 13 years," said one source inside the organization. "I'm starting to get the sense some of the players are tuning him out. Especially Peyton Manning."
A tense relationship between former Vikings head coach Brad Childress and Brett Favre helped doom Minnesota's season earlier this year, and the same may be happening in Indianapolis where Manning has thrown 11 interceptions in his past three games, all Colt losses.
One Colts receiver, who wished to remain anonymous, said Manning is giving Peyton bad plays.
With a long, grueling NFL season at a close, Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning has decided to take a rare break from football so he can clear his mind, relax and reenergize for next season. And so he has dived into film of people relaxing.
"I'm not really a normal human being," said Manning. "I don't quite know how to relax or 'chill out' as I've heard teammates refer to it. But it's something I want to do. A goal. And I know that no one accomplishes their goals without hard work. And that's what I am prepared to do."
Since arriving back in Indianapolis late Sunday night following the Super Bowl, Manning has been breaking down tape of people enjoy many different kinds of relaxation napping, laying on the beach, reading books, hiking, getting massages, surfing.
"What I do when I watch film is I look for tendencies," said Manning. "Do people stand or sit a certain way when they relax? Is there an expression they make or thing that they say? It can be any little thing. But what I've learned from football is that the littlest things make the biggest impact."
Manning has enlisted the help of Colts receivers Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie. The three of them have been showing up at the team's practice facilities at 6:00 a.m. to go through relaxation reps.
"You know what would be relaxing?" said Garcon. "Staying in bed. Why do you make us come out here?"
"We can rest when we get this relaxation RIGHT," said Manning. "Not until then. I won't stop working until I am relaxed. And I expect the same from everyone else. Do you want to have fun and be carefree or not?"
TMZ is reporting that Colts quarterback Peyton Manning and several members of his entourage were arrested early this morning after one of them opened fire inside a Miami gentleman’s club. The incident occurred at 3:25 AM at King of Diamonds, a club located near South Beach.
According to witnesses, the incident started when members of Manning’s posse exchanged words with another group of men, reportedly over a woman. Within minutes, the words escalated to pushing and shoving and shots were fired resulting in a “mini-riot” as patrons rushed to the exit.
Several witnesses reported that a member of Manning’s posse did the shooting at the urging of Manning himself.
“There was all this pushing and shoving and Manning was standing off to the side screaming things like ‘Kick his ass’ and ‘Fk him up!’” said a bartender who works at the club. “Then somebody threw a bottle off his head so he grabbed one of his boys and was like ‘Take ‘em out!’ and that’s when the guy started shooting.”
After the initial shot was fired, patrons began rushing for the exits, creating a chaotic and frightening scene. The conflict continued outside with more pushing and shoving and several shots fired.
“It was a nightmare. Everybody was trying to get out at the same time,” said one witness. “Then, you get out to the parking lot and it’s still going on. And it’s all Manning. He’s orchestrating the whole thing. He’s like ‘Yo, take out that motherfker! Put him down!’ Then he was kicking and punching guys who were on the ground. I mean, I never took him for a real violent guy, but I guess this is what happens when you can’t handle your liquor.”
As cruisers and EMT’s arrived on the scene, Manning strutted around the parking lot, gesturing to the crowd and urging them to cheer him on.
“It was like the WWE,” said one witness. “He was walking around with his hand to his ear saying ‘Let me here it! Let me here it, motherfkers!’ And, of course, everybody was cheering him on, even though he’s a thug. It was a real pathetic scene. Thankfully, I captured the whole thing on my cell phone. You can see it on TMZ.com today.Myvideo! And my mother never thought I’d amount to anything.”
Cops arrested Manning and several members of his entourage. He was released on bail this morning and issued a statement through his agent:
“I am sorry for the embarrassment I have brought to the organization. I hope I have not caused too much of a distraction for my teammates. While I am innocent of any wrongdoing, I do take responsibility for putting myself in that situation in the first place and vow to be more careful about who I associate with in the future. And just to clarify, I can handle my liquor. I think someone just slipped something into my drink. If they are still alive, I hope they are prosecuted.”