Filed Under » overheard

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the games.

I'm convinced that at some time during my life I will see an old man naked at the gym. I've been preparing my self mentally for several years now.

— Richard

I was sitting in the sauna after a workout with three other men today. After a few minutes, two of the men left within minutes of each other. The man who remained was a naked tiny old man, probably 5 feet tall and 80 pounds, who sat on the top row of benches in a cross-legged position. But he wasn't sitting upright. He lay in his own lap with his bony arms hanging down to the next bench. I was afraid he was dead so I waited around anxiously until he moved before quickly leaving the gym.

— Will

I truly wish I hadn't seen this and no amount of alcohol can erase this memory from my mind. Trust me, I've tried … I had finished my workout, showered and was blow drying my hair when, in the mirror, I spotted the reflection of an older woman, late 40s maybe, at station to my right. She had opened her towel, put one foot up on the bench and proceeded to blow dry her crotch with one of the communal hair dryers Needless to say, my hair dryer was the first thing packed for the gym every night. On the off chance I forgot it, I would go out in a Boston winter with wet hair before touching one of the communal hair dryers.

— Vikki

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.

So I'm at a Rangers-Devils hockey game at the Prudential Center in Newark. It's in between periods and I'm waiting on line in the bathroom and there's a Rangers fan and Devils fan emptying their kidneys right next to each other at the urinal. They're talking some smack back and forth, when all of a sudden the Devils fan, in one of the classiest things I've ever seen in my life, turns his entire body to the left and pisses on the Rangers fan's leg. The Rangers fan promptly hits the Devils fan square on the chin with a left hook that instantly sent the Devs fan into La-La Land, out cold on the piss-soaked men's room floor.

Security responded and detained the Rangers fan, before everyone in the bathroom explained what exactly happened, to which security cuffed the now-barely conscious Devils fan and let the Rangers guy walk away.

— Matthew

This is still probably the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. A few years ago I was at a Nuggets game and had seats a few rows off the court 'cause my friend got them from work. In typical NBA fashion the refs were terrible and a guy near us really started going in on them. At one point when there was a dead ball and everything was fairly quiet he stands up and yells: "ARE YOU BLIND, REF?! ARE YOU F**KING BLIND!" And not two beats later an actual blind guy one row behind him stands up and says: "YEAH! ARE YOU BLIND OR WHAT?" and then proceeds to hold his hand out for high-fives from everyone around him.

Easily the coolest blind guy ever.

— Chad

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym, tailgates and sports bars.

One of my least favorite parts of a football game is listening to "the coach from the bleachers." After the Florida-LSU game of this past season, I overheard quite possibly the most offensive quote I've ever heard from this fan. If you don't remember correctly, LSU ran a fake field goal to get a crucial first down late in the 4th quarter.

When we were walking out of the stadium, I overheard two of your everyday fraternity brothers talking about how Florida should have been prepared for the trick play. Apparently, one of them had played a little too much NCAA '11 and quickly pointed out that (and yes this is word for word): "it's Les f——- Miles! Urban has to know to call FG safe zone!" Thank you, coach-from-the-stands, for making me feel better about my knowledge and understanding of the game of football.

— Mark

I was at a hockey game and had to hit the bathroom between periods. The lines were really long and a guy a few lines over couldn't wait. So he finishes off the beer he's holding, walks over towards the sinks, whips it out and starts pissing in his cup. It filled all the way up, so he lets the last few streams out onto the floor. So gross.

A few seconds later, a security guy comes over and taps him on the shoulder. He turns around, still holding his cup of piss and tosses it at the security guy and runs. He didn't get far because a guy waiting in line near the exit dropped him with a punch to the back of the head. If anyone deserves the death penalty, it's this piss-tossing guy.

— Keith

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.

Every January, legions of out-of-shape people flock to their neighborhood gym in a half-baked attempt to lose weight.

Last week, a 350-pound, stark naked man-ape who just completed his post-workout shower was "flossing" between his legs with a towel. To make matters worse, he was enthusiastically gyrating his hips like Elvis Presley.

And he was standing right smack dab in the middle of the locker room.

Gym patrons had no choice but to look at this dude's repulsively unattractive body as they rounded the corner into the locker room. One gym regular entered the locker room, yelped, and let out a vociferous, "Duuuuude!"

I have a feeling we will never see Mr. Double Stuff ever again.

— Mike

This wouldn't count as being "overheard" at the gym, I suppose. But yesterday I saw two people f*cking in one of the locker room showers. Work those abs!

And genitals, too!

— A.J.

A kid I went to high school with just moved back into the area and joined my gym. In high school he was a rich, spoiled douche bag (his dad is a big-time local attorney) and it seems he still is. He was meeting the the gym's sales rep guy about his membership paperwork and HAD HIS DAD SWING BY THE GYM TO READ THROUGH IT. You know, because you need a high-priced attorney to read over the 1-page Planet Fitness gym membership contract. Once a douche, always a douche.

— Aaron

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.

A guy at my gym – I should say a dude at my gym – is a total metal head. At least he looks like he is. He has long, dark hair that is slicked back and hangs down to about his shoulders. He usually wears black boots and black jean shorts and some kind of band shirt. He would look extremely ridiculous, if not for the fact that he's pretty cut so you can't make fun of him even if you wanted to.

He always has earbuds in listening to music and sometimes you see him between sets doing air drumming like he's part of Metallica or Slayer or something. I was working near him one day and when he got up off the bench, his phone fell, pulling the ear bud cord out of the phone and suddenly blasting out of the phone was – no lie – Ke$ha.

An embarrassment to metal heads everywhere. Humans, too.

— Derek

My friend and I were just standing around talking when this kid comes up to us. Starts talking about how strong he is and shows us his biceps (you know, the way kids do) my friend doesn't even skip a beat, look at the kid's biceps and says, "Wow, looks like you've been hitting the jungle-gym."

Hilarious. Kid hasn't talked to us since.

— Jeffrey

I was going to do hamstring curls and a guy got to the machine right before I did. He asked me if I wanted to work in, but I didn't want to lay in his sweat so I just said I'd wait until he was done. He did one set and then said he was done because: "The bench hurts my new piercing." And then, if there was any confusion, gestured towards his junk.

If that was a pickup line it was the worst one ever.

— Evana

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.

A guy I work with goes to the same gym as I do. I don't know him real well but he is older than me and is married. I know this because I met his wife at a company outing. He also wears a wedding ring. But only at work not at the gym.

A few times he's made the point of telling me it's because the weights scratch his ring. Fine by me. I don't care. I'm not the marriage patrol and I don't care about his jewelry care.

But then I saw him in the gym parking lot making out with some lady who also goes to the gym. Who is not his wife. I guess he didn't want to get sweaty skanky on his wedding ring either. What a guy.

— Dave

I work at a gym in Indiana. There are several wanna-be guidos who work out at the gym. One day while I'm working out after work, I hear one guido say to another, "Dude, I'm bringing the Hulkness." I couldn't keep this to myself. "Bringing the Hulkness" is now the unofficial slogan of the workers whenever we have to get pumped for something.

— Neal

Like most gyms, my gym makes everyone carry a towel around with them and wipe off the equipment when they're done. A guy near me was on the leg press machine, calmly finished a set, and wiped off the seat. I noticed then that his white towel now had brown on it. The guy crapped himself pushing the leg press.

He tossed his towel in the hamper and left and I debated telling the gym staff about the machine but decided not to because it was just so gross I couldn't talk about it. But I've never used that leg press machine since then.

— Becky

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.

I go to a gym on a military base, and while the equipment is great, a bunch of naked old guys using the locker next to me is really improving my 40 yard dash times.

— Charlie

I go to my gym right after work and it's packed. You usually have to wait to get on a treadmill. Well this older guy was running and suddenly stops and sort of staggers off the treadmill and lays down beside it on the ground. Everyone thought he was having a heart attack. A gym worker called for an ambulance and everything.

So he's laying there with his treadmill still open right beside him. And a guy like three people behind me steps up and starts using it as the old guy is potentially dying on the floor. The looks he got could have killed him, too.

(Good news: the old guy just had the flu or something and was fine.)

— Karen

If I ever go to the gym earlier than Noon I always see this 70 or 80 year-old woman. She is probably 4'11'' and 150 pounds and always wears at least 2 or 3 winter coats. The weird part is she always wears these spandex pants that never fail to make me gag. I always wondered why she wore them until one day I saw her on a lat pull down machine. Instead of using the machine, she would adjust the seat to wear she could sit on it while still standing, then proceed to hump the sh-t out of it for 5 minutes. She literally would just stand there and grind the seat. I stopped coming to the gym before Noon.

— Matt

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games, tailgates and sports bars.

The gym manager was showing this prospective new gym member around. She was very attractive. He was showing here some of the equipment.

Manager: Like most gyms, we require everyone to wipe off the equipment when they're done.
Girl: Uh-huh.
Manager: But I'm sure most guys here would be okay if you didn't do that. (laughs)
Girl: (silence)

I haven't seen here back since then. I guess his creepy sales pitch didn't work.
— Romar

My roommate has been going to the gym since last spring because he said he wanted to get in shape for the beach. He actually trimmed up a lot and has been looking a lot better. I've been asking him what his routine is thinking I could try it but he's always sort of vague about it. Then last week before he got home from class there was a message on our machine. It was his gym calling to say his zumba class was canceled because the instructor was sick. I didn't tell him about it. I'm going to let him know I know before Christmas break when I give him a gift of purple zumba pants. Size: girl's small.
— Dustin

I fart when I do lunges. Only lunges. It doesn't matter what I eat or don't eat. I can't explain it. It must be the way my body is made. So I only do lunges at home now when I know no one will be there for a few hours. But even then sometimes I gross myself out.
— Lindsey