April 14, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Game: Issue #6
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.
So my girlfriend and I travel to a Redskins/Rams game in St. Louis last year. I'm a huge Redskins fan and we got seats right behind the Redskins bench and there was a pretty big concentration of Redskins fans in this section.
Right before the game starts an older couple in Rams gear sits a couple rows in front of us and is obviously already pretty drunk. In the first quarter Santana Moss catches a pass and after the play the old man stands up and yells "SANTANA MOSS ..ISN'T HE THE RAPIST?!?!" then sat back down.
A few plays later McNabb throws an incomplete pass towards Moss and the guy stands up again and yells "HE WOULD'VE CAUGHT THAT PASS IF HE WASN'T RAPING ALL THE TIME!!" To this day I still don't know if he was convinced that he was a rapist or if that was just his form of trash talk.
- Randon
I spent my four years of college at the University of Nebraska, where the students' section is most of the the south end of the stadium. There is no reserved seating there, so where my buddies and my seats changed every game depending on what was open when we got in.
Freshman year, no matter when we got there, or where we sat, within 3 rows of us was the same chubby guy in his mid-40's rockin' a mullet (think Eastbound & Down) who after the National Anthem found the closest guy to him, yelled "Lets do this shit, Home-Skillet!" and raised his hand for a high-five.
- Corey
April 7, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #12
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.
I have worked at a gym for quite a while. I was talking to a member once about the steam room and the reason I never go in it; I consider it a sess pool. His response, after telling me how relaxing it was, went along the lines of: "Well, if you do, don't sit on the bottom step," and made the motion of jerking off. Needless to say, that was more than enough incentive to never step foot in a steam room again.
- Pat
My schedule of classes got switched around this semester, so my workout times have changed to the early morning. It's unreal the difference of people based on what time of day it is. I was accustomed to a steady dose of former high school athletes, fraternity/sorority types, and, in general, your typical, run of the mill college students in the mid afternoon, but I got a glimpse of the "morning crowd" on the first day of classes.
The very first words I heard coming into the weight room: "Ya know, there's always been paranoia about the zombie apocalypse. But I'm starting to buy in to it and get freaked out. Stuff's happening man, I just want some answers ."
Welcome to the morning crowd.
- Mark
March 31, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Game: Issue #5
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.
I was at a Phillies playoff game a few years ago waiting in a long line for the urinals. A guy was on his phone while he was taking a leak and he dropped his phone directly into the piss-filled urinal.
He stood there staring down for a few seconds as laughter spread through the bathroom. The guy then reached down and grabbed his phone and as he pulled it up from the urinal the entire bathroom began cheering in unison.
When I left the bathroom there was a group of people standing outside asking about all the cheering coming from the bathroom. By far the most fun I've ever had waiting to piss.
- Matt
As a Canadian at a home game for the Phoenix Coyotes I expected people to not know what has going on. But this one guy kept screaming "THE MIDDLE! THE MIDDLE!" when there wasn't even anyone in the middle of the ice. Then he starts yelling numbers and to "HIT HIM!" even though the guy with those numbers didn't have the puck. I'm pretty sure this guy thought he was watching football on ice.
- Scott
My freshman year at Wisconsin I went to every football game. At each of the first three home games of the season, someone behind me and it was a different person every time puked on my back before the end of the first quarter. When it didn't happen in the fourth game it almost seemed weird. I ended up transferring but not because of the vomit.
- Molly
March 24, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #11
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.
My gym, like every gym I think, has a rule that requires you to keep your shirt on in the gym. A couple of meatheads were benching and there were some girls nearby so they decided to shed their shirts.
A few minutes later a gym worker, another girl, comes by and tells them to put their shirts back on. The one guy did right away while the other meathead goes: "Even me?" and then flexes his pecs and winks. If there was a Douche Hall of Fame, this guy would get in on the first ballot.
- Luke
I work at a gym in Georgia. One day while I was working I heard what sounded like a terrified girl's scream coming from the men's side of the gym. Turns out that while one guy was loading weights on our leg squat machine (the plates sit on the machine horizontally), he dropped the weights on the rack and managed to get his dick stuck between two 45 pound plates and the nearest guy had to get the plates off of him. We now call him "Flathead."
- Drew
March 17, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #10
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.
It was the normal douche-fest at my gym. These three guys who were benching decide to stand on top of the bench and have a pull-up competition off of a beam running alongside a heat vent. (I should note there were actual pull-up bars nearby.)
So the gym manager yells at them to get down. The one guy hangs a little longer and then releases like he just dunked on someone. Because he's a douche. Doing this rattled the air vent and as he landed a dead mouse fell out of the vent and landed on his shoulder. I've still never heard a scream as high-pitched as that brah's scream.
I keep renewing my gym membership partly to stay in shape but also just to marvel at the idiots that go there.
- Will
There is this guy at my gym, he's probably about 40, who has been there for a few years and only works his legs. That's it. He doesn't even do abs. Just legs. He is like the complete opposite of every stereotype about meatheads with huge upper bodies and spindly, string legs.
His legs are HUGE. Like speed skater/NFL running back size. And then his upper body is built like a 10 year-old boy. He is shaped like a triangle. In a way, he almost looks like a centaur. It's so weird.
Me and my friends have always wondered why he does this. My buddy recently asked him, as casually as possible, if he had a shoulder injury or something. The guy said: "No. I believe in building a good base and working from the bottom up."
At this rate he'll get to his shoulders when he's 85 years-old.
- Deon
March 10, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #9
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.
I used to work front desk at a health club in college. One night when folding the towels and manning the desk I heard someone yelling for help from the men's locker room. Instinctively I dropped my towels and ran in the direction of the distress call. I round the corner and see a face all oiled up, peaked out from behind a door. As soon as the face sees me coming it slips back behind the door.
I open the door and look around and I see a figure behind the curtain to the tanning bed. I pulled the curtain back to find a young man completely naked dripping eyeballs to toenails in the free lotion the health club stocked for members. The lotion was literally dripping from this guy. He was yelling for help because his hands were so over-saturated with lotion that he couldn't turn the key on the wall to get the tanning bed lamps to start!
- Adam
So glad you guys have this. Seriously, the amount of shit I hear in the Pentagon gym is ridiculous. Like today's little doozy: "Yeah, man, I gotta do this to soften my nipples or they'll chafe during the run." Or, instead of massaging your titties in front of folks, you could use runners glide.
- Gus
March 3, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #8
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the games.
I was playing pickup basketball at the rec center at my college. In between games, one of the guys starts chatting with one of his friends that was walking by. He asked if the guy wanted to play, and the guy responded, "I can't, I'm only working out legs today and I've got a case race starting in an hour." For reference, it was 6:30 pm.
- Adam
My gym has a digital board that wraps around part of the weight room and treadmill area. It runs gym notifications about hours of operation and specials and stuff like that, but it also runs "motivational" message like "Push yourself and see results!"
Last week, I don't know if someone new got the message board entry job or the gym manager had a brain fart or what, but while I was on the treadmill I saw the following messages mixed in with the normal stuff:
"Push yourself. Don't be a pussy!"
"Can't is a bitch."
- Miranda
February 24, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Game: Issue #4
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.
At the Winter Classic in Pittsburgh the Penguins and Washington Capitals had a fairly balanced percentage of fans. Throughout the early part of the game Caps and Pens fans are yelling hilarious obscenities in general direction of the ice. One sign read "Ovechkin Laichs Semin."
As the trash started to get more personnel between two opposing fans, a third Pens fan interrupted by finding a level of interest that all the diehard fans from both sides supported.
It only took a few seconds for the entire 67,000 capacity crowd to ignore their differences and join together chanting "Flyers Suck!"
- Scott
There were games on, so I think this counts I work for a Buffalo Wild Wings, and apparently the new trend is to place your baby that is no older than 4 months up on top of the bar table next to all the beers. Sometimes the parents are kind enough to place the stroller and kid underneath the table, and feed him like a dog under the table.
One time, a family of regulars placed their son "securely" on a bar stool and he fell out. He immediately began crying, and I overheard the couple trying to figure out what they were going to angrily say to my manager about the safety of our stools. They left shortly, and I haven't seen them back since. For the baby's sake, I hope they didn't just become regulars at Hooters.
- Chel
February 17, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Game: Issue #3
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.
I was at a Phillies playoff game sitting in the upper deck. All of a sudden this dude frickin screams "You used to play for Washington!" for no apparent reason and sparks an argument. In the end, we learned no one had played for Washington and the guy was drunk.
- Mike
My younger brother, Jon, played high school baseball. His junior year the school's stadium got redone and got some real seating and a nice press box with an all-new PA system. My parents made me go to the first home game of the season to support my brother.
Unfortunately, the school had students run the PA and they clearly weren't trained very well on it. My brother was the starting pitcher and after they announced him on the mound, there were some muffled noises over the PA. The kids in the booth had left the button down or something. Then there were more noises like mumbled talking and ruffling papers. And then you can here them talking very clearly: "Do you think it's true that Jon fked Brittany?"
The coach jumped off the bench and ran up to the press box to shut off the PA. My mom didn't seem to hear it, but I'm sure she did it was clear and it was loud and to this day is just trying to convince herself it didn't happen.
- Karen
February 10, 2011 Column
Overheard ...
The Gym: Issue #7
Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the games.
One time I was with a bunch of my friends at the track. One runner went past us he was wearing nothing but shorts, which were so tight on him that you could see everything about his crotch except the color of it. I nicknamed him the Arc, like Indiana Jones if you look at it, your face will melt off. Or at least we all felt like it.
Jeff
I was at the gym recently, and noticed a guy who constantly comes in, lifts at low weights, and screams incredibly loud while doing so. Anyways I was at the gym and he was attempting to shoulder shrug 50lbs when he spiked the weights off the ground and screamed: "I GO HARD IN THE PAINT!" The best part? He was a white, middle-aged, not listening to music, and being completely serious.
Drew


