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Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

During my sophomore year of high school, we had a varsity baseball coach who was teaching all the freshman and sophomore players the finer points of hitting. He was pissed at us while demonstrating. At one point he shouts "Now you don't grip the bat too hard. This is not your dick, it's a baseball bat." A couple people laughed, but we weren't sure if he was joking or not. I had to stifle my laughter.

- Mike

During basketball practice 8th grade year, one of the players on our team was mouthing off to our coach. The coach then proceeded to say, "Sean, take your pants off and go into my office!" After realizing every player was snickering at his goof, he said "I meant change your clothes!"

- Bradley

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

In order to get my football team excited about the next day's game, my 7th grade football coach told us to "get some wood."

- Benny

Our high school football team had a blitz package that was called Hurricane Blast. Nearly a week after Hurricane Katrina struck in 2005, our defensive coordinator was giving his weekly pre-game motivational speech. Among many of the idiotic things he said, one that stuck with everyone was, "When I call for a Hurricane Blast, I want you to do what Katrina did! I want you to leave those kids homeless and devastated!" He had forgotten that Texas is pretty close to New Orleans, and that one of our players' grandparents lost their home in the flood. We all just looked around shaking our heads.

- Dick

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

My Pony League baseball team was not very good, and everyone knew it. Our coach knew it too, so his attitude was to have fun. At that time, it was popular to break the huddle with "Hits and Runs!" But as I mentioned, we weren't good, and just wanted to have fun, so our coach had us break the huddle with "Tits and Guns!" He was arrested two years later for carrying a loaded shotgun in his pickup truck.

- Scott

Like most football coaches, my high school coach absolutely hated penalties. His most hated, by far, was offsides on a kick-off. He explained what a disadvantage the coverage unit has when they have to cover the kick-off twice. Every time we were getting ready to practice special teams, he would start us off with his favorite saying: "Now everybody remember. It is better to have died as a small child than to be offsides on a kick-off."

- Max

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

Instead of having the team yell "team!" in the huddle like most coaches do, my 8th grade soccer coach would have us yell "bitches and hoes!".

- Ken

In high school our Ivan Drago look-a-like varsity baseball coach hated losing. We always played double-headers and this particular day we lost the first game to the worst team in the conference.

After the game he rushed us out to left field for our big pep talk which went something like this: "I hate f—king losing! I can't stand it! When I play my 4 year-old nephew in basketball, I'm like goddamn Shaq on his ass! I don't ever let him score on me, I block his shots all over the driveway, because I f—king can't stand losing!"

We didn't know whether to laugh, or take him serious; but our assistant coach literally fell over laughing behind him after hearing his ridiculous story, so we figured it was okay to laugh about. We then proceeded to go out and lose the second game, as well.

- Jordan

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

Our JV baseball team had a coach with a penchant for saying things mostly for shock value. After an away game in which we had played very poorly he ran us in the outfield and then admonished our sloppy play (keep in mind that we are all 15-16 years old). "I don't care if we're playin' the Texas School for the Blind, if we make more that 3 errors, we're screwed!!! Ya'll make me wanna put a gun in my mouth, and pull the trigger!" We were all laughing so hard he made us run again.

- Chris

In high school, I had a soccer coach who I thought was a great guy, but knew next to nothing about the game. This was never more evident then when we were practicing one afternoon and he called us all into a huddle and tried using one of the strangest coaching tactics I've ever heard of at any level.

He began talking about about our annual FIFA video game tournament that we had at the end of each season, then explained that if we moved the ball the way we did when we played FIFA, then we could beat anyone, including Barcelona. Needless to say, none of us saw how playing Xbox made us a better soccer team let alone good enough to beat a team that had Lionel Messi on its roster.

However, we did spend the rest of the practice screaming "A" when ever we passed the ball and "B" whenever shot. That is until we had to run laps for, "disrespect and not staying positive." Which wasn't entirely fair because, as our goalie pointed out to the coach, "we're all positive that you're full of shit."

- Ryan

> Did you ever have a coach who did or said something funny/horrible at practice or a game? Send the story into OverheardSP at gmail.

> Did you ever get a really terrible sports-related gift? What is the most embarrassing piece of sports apparel, equipment or memorabilia you have owned? Send the story to the same e-mail address.

And you can also keep submitting stories for "Overheard at the Game" and "Overheard at the Gym." Thanks!

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.

I went to a Bowie BaySox (minor league) baseball game a couple summers ago with my roommates. We got to the game about a half-inning late and sat two rows back on the third base line and the third baseman for the other team was having a rough day. He had one ball go through his legs and another one he threw into the stands. And he bobbled another one. So my friend started heckling him a little bit. Then to ourselves, we started making fun of his hair because it looked like a mullet and wondered if he had misplayed some grounders into his face. It was kind of mean-spirited, but nothing major.

A few minutes later a woman a few seats over in the front row passes a note up to my buddy. It read: "That player's mom is sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! SHHHHH!" Ooops. I made sure to loudly state a few times later in the game that the player "definitely looks like a future major leaguer." But I still felt like a dick.

- Tyler

A couple weeks ago, two of my friends and I went up north for the Phillies/Jays series.

We're Phillies fans, but for the most part, the Toronto fans didn't get on our case too much — except for this one guy with his buddies.

He saw us wearing our red and rather passive-aggressively tried to get a rise out of us. When he saw that it wasn't working, he ramped it up a notch and kept it up before my friend Denise turned to him and said, "You know I'm ignoring you because you're wearing a Cowboys hat, right?"

The silence was deafening as he slunk away.

- Damien

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.

A few weeks ago, me and three friends went to Target Field for the Twins vs. Brewers series. We each paid 120 bucks for two games and a hotel. One of my friends spent the entire weekend sitting at the Tavern in left field because he drinks mixed drinks and watched BOTH GAMES on TV instead of our seats.

- Joseph

I was at an LPGA event a few years ago. (My company was a sponsor and had free tickets.) This mannish looking player came through where I was sitting and after she teed off, this one drunk guy near me yelled: "YOU DA MAN! YOU ARE THE MAN!" It was amazingly rude. But I still laughed.

- Don

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.

Was on the elliptical the other day and a regular old dude was on the mats, which are placed in front of ellipticals/treadmills/etc. This guy was wearing some very short shorts. He had positioned his body, feet pointing towards everyone else at the gym. At first he's stretching and its all mildly acceptable.

What happened next, I have still yet to shake from my mind. One minute straight of ferocious pelvic thrusts. I'd look down, look back up and he was still furiously going at it. I did this move (look away and back to see if he was done) about 5 times and nearly threw up.

I took the day off the next day. Haunting.

- Greg

A guy near me at the gym yesterday was listening to music on his iPhone. Or at least I thought he was listening to music. I realized he kept looking at the screen between sets. He was watching "Toy Story 3." Nothing like the adventures of Woody and Buzz to get you motivated to work on your pecs!

- Marissa

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym.

I was at the U.S.A. vs. Mexico title game for the Golf Cup at the Rose Bowl. Even though it was in Los Angeles, I'd bet at least 90-percent of the crowd was cheering for Mexico. If not more. It was kind of intimidating to be there. But I had to laugh at one point when I got up to use the bathroom and a Mexican guy yelled in a really thick accent as I walked up the steps past him: "YEAH, GO BACK TO AMERICA, YOU F—KING GRINGO!"

- Ben

About halfway through our first football game as freshman at Notre Dame, a very intelligent, very male friend of mine turned to his roommates and asked, "Where's the yellow line?"

- Kara