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Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at a game? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about the gym or coaches.

I got tickets to a Mets game this year through work. They were pretty good seats, about a dozen or so rows up off the third base line. There was a guy in the front row just riding the umps from the moment we sat down. He was yelling stuff like "CAN'T YOU SEE?" and "ARE YOU IDIOTS BLIND OR WHAT?" Even after plays that really weren't that close. Around the 5th inning he got up and turned around and we could see his face for the first time. He was blind. Funniest fan ever.

- Max

I went to the Cardinals-Rams game last year. At halftime I went to use the bathroom. There was a long line, but especially to the stalls because one of the toilets clogged. This was a week after Derek Anderson's postgame blowup. The janitor guy comes into the bathroom, opens the stall door takes a look at the situation and loudly says to everyone: "Don't worry, everyone. I take this shit serious." The whole bathroom broke up laughing.

- David

Ever hear something horrible and/or hilarious at the gym? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about games.

My gym has the typical meathead element and one day the meatheads were there maxing on the bench and squat. Before every guy went, they'd yell "GO BIG OR GO HOME!" at each other and then slap the guy in the face or punch him in the chest. This went on all through the bench and continued into their squat maxes.

When one of the last guys did his squat max, they did the GO BIG OR GO HOME thing and he started his squat with, I don't even know — a ton of weight on the bar. Plate after plate after plate. As he starts squatting back up, he's yelling out GO … BIG … OR … and his right knee blew out. Grotesquely. He was down screaming in pain for 5 minutes. Then I think he did go home. Or to the hospital. Either way, his meathead friends helped him out of the gym.

- Mike

I belong to a local gym. It's not a national chain like Golds Gym or Bally's. So they do all of their advertising and signage and stuff. A few weeks ago I got a mass mail flier in the mail from the gym advertising their fall rates. There was a picture of a fit woman's torso in workout gear and the tagline "Show The World Your True Self". You know, show people your best self, your best body. Not a bad flier at all. Except right below the text that went across the woman's torso was her crotch. With very very noticeable camel-toe. She was truly showing herself.

I guess it pays to pay for outside photography and advertising help.

- Wil

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

My high school basketball coach was know for being really good at getting the most out of his players. I was in a slump shooting the ball. He pulls me aside and says, "Son, I know your struggle but confidence comes from here (points to my heart) not here (points to my head). And I know you have a lot of heart." I said, "Coach that doesn't make any sense." He responded, "Think about it."

That game i made 6 three pointers and broke my slump. After the game he said, "I'm glad you understand now."

I still doesn't make sense to me.

- Chris

My high school basketball coach was pretty laid back for a basketball coach. But if stuff built up, he would suddenly come out with a curse word or some cutting remark. Usually it was to us players on the team, but one game my senior year we were getting really jobbed by the refs. Just cheap foul after cheap foul. As the ref is reporting another call to the scorer, our coach says to him calmly: "What are these calls for?" And the ref says: "You guys are playing too rough." And without skipping a beat, my coach said: "Well, your wife is okay with it." Nothing happened. I think the ref was too shocked to T him up.

- Jon

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

When I was in my 8th grade year of basketball we were playing our first game of the season. We weren't expected to be good (we ended the season in 2nd place however). We were getting killed and as we enter the locker room at halftime our assistant coach is yelling and screaming. He then goes on to shout that we have nine good players on this team and we should not be losing. (I guess he forgot about the tenth kid who was by far the worst player on our team.)

He then went on to call his own son a "pussy" and, as soon as the assistant coach stormed out, our head coach couldn't do anything but laugh. Best halftime speech of my life.

- Joe

My senior year of football my team was expected to be really good. For whatever reason, we got off to a bad start and entered our fifth game 2-2 and were losing at halftime by 10 points. During the halftime speech, our head coach told everyone to get quiet "because it's time for some soul searching". About 10 seconds into it, someone audibly farted. Without breaking stride, my coach said: "Well, at least someone on this team is busting their ass." Everyone broke up laughing, we won the game and ended up winning districts.

- Kyle

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

During my junior year of high school I decided to play ultimate Frisbee. At an all guys school we had a female coach, and me being the team smartass, I had fun with this. We had a defense called the "cup defense" and whenever we would run the defense I would scream "two girls one cup". After messing up said defense she screamed at me "SIT ON THE SIDELINES AND WATCH HOW TWO GIRLS ONE CUP IS DONE!" To this day she doesn't know.

- John

In my first two years of college, I played Division III tennis. We were terrible and frequented the basement of our conference. Our coach, whose recruiting class totaled one last year (and he quit before the season started), finally realized that we weren't going to win. Right before we were about to hit the courts for a match, he told us: "You all probably aren't going to win out there, so just try to get a couple of games off of them." We lost.

- William

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

My sophomore year I was wrestling a senior that would eventually place 4th in the state. He was having his way with me and I wasn't sure what move he was throwing. So as I am trying to keep from getting turned I looked over to my coach and asked, "What's he doing to me?" My coach responded by yelling in his raspy voice, "What's he doing to you? What's he doing to you? … He's KILLING you!"

- Brad

My senior year of high school I was on the track team. At the end of the season we had the conference championships, which happened to fall the morning after prom. During the last practice our coach gathered the whole track team and gave us a final speech. He mentions the prom being tonight and says: "Be smart guys, whatever you do, DON'T get caught drinking!" To which our assistant coach asks: "Don't you mean DON'T DRINK?!?!"

- Paul

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

Before our last game of the season for freshman football, our coach gathered us around right before kickoff. With a straight face he told us, "Guys, it's time to rock out with your cocks out." We just stared at him for a long while and got blown out by thirty.

- Devin

During my sophomore year in high school, I was called up to Varsity football at the end of the season, and I will never forget what I heard. Our Defensive Coordinator was a good, Christian man, but had a bit of an anger problem. He constantly yelled, but never swore, which makes the story even better.

One of our starting linebackers was having a particularly bad practice. He was missing tackles, calling out the wrong formations, etc. Halfway through, our DC finally had it. After another blown coverage, he threw down his clipboard, got right in the linebacker's face, and screamed, "Taylor, you are worse than premature ejaculation!" Nobody had a clue how to respond to this.

- Matt

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

In high school, we arrived at football practice and my buddy Kenny found his cleats had been stolen from his locker. He goes into the coach's office and asks the coach what he should do, not practice, practice in sneakers, etc. Coach doesnt even look at him and keeps typing. Kenny asks again and without even looking up the coach eventually says, "What the hell do you want me to do, Kenny, shit you a new pair?"

- Ben

When I was wrestling in middle school, we had a tournament in a small town called Bangor. One of my teammates went up to our coach and asked, "Am I wrestling at Bangor?" Our coach immediately responded, "Bang her? I barely know her." We were in 5th grade. That kid didn't end up wrestling.

- Al

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

When playing water polo at my high school in San Diego during my sophomore year, our coach used to try to "motivate" us in bizarre ways. Trying to get us to elevate ourselves higher out of the water to the point he could see our belly buttons by using our legs in an egg beater like rotation, he further motivated us by saying that we should just imagine someone is shoving a Popsicle stick up our butts. I will never receive better words of wisdom in my life.

- Billy

Whenever one of the players on my middle school football would get injured during practice and begin to cry and complain, our assistant coach would run over in his tiny shorts, with his foamy mouth and scream, "You think that's pain, boy! You think that's pain? Try having one of your testicles blown off in Vietnam!" (By the way, he showered in the away locker room after we played a game in the freezing rain, and it was true.)

- David

Ever hear a coach say something horrible and/or hilarious? Send your submissions to OverheardSP at gmail. Or submit for future editions about things overheard at a game, at the gym or terrible sports gifts you've received.

I was on a baseball team in seventh grade and our coach was a real hard ass, to say the least. We were normally a pretty good team, but one game we played particularly poorly and lost handily. After the game, our coach ranted on about playing with heart for a while before losing it and saying "you've disgraced me, yourselves, and the uniforms, but worst of all, you've disgraced the HATS." None of us laughed due to fear of the coach physically assaulting us.

- D

My high school football coach had knack for coming up with the most hilarious euphemisms. He said everything from "Run like a brick on fire" to "You're softer than puppy sh*t in a shoe". But our personal favorite was the time our running back missed the hole and he started screaming, "(Player's name)! You need to run to THIS patch of open grass! There are cows dying all over America looking for this grass, and you're running away from it!"

- Justin