Video BREAKING: The Blackhawks Had a Lot of Sex During the Regular Season
But they're pros, so they want to have sex in the playoffs, too.
Opinion What Your Favorite NHL Playoff Team Says About You
You would be honored to have a drunken Patrick Kane throw up on you.
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You struggle to understand a world in which Katy Perry is considered to be more famous and talented than Corey Perry.
News Penguins Worried Sidney Crosby Will Struggle to Make Plays Inside New Protective Plastic Bubble
"We haven't yet found a bubble that allows him to hold his stick outside of the bubble to stickhandle the puck," said head coach Dan Bylsma. "That is usually a big aspect of Sid's game. Right now he can only push the puck along the ice with his bubble as he rolls it. He's still making plays that way in practice, but it's not quite the same thing."
The Penguins have also struggled to keeps Crosby's bubble inflated, as his razor-sharp skates have repeatedly sliced through it, leaving him in nothing but a hockey helmet, protective face shield, shoulder pads and chest protector, elbow pads, padded gloves, padded hockey pants, knee/shin guards and reinforced skates essentially unprotected.
"I don't think we can risk that happening in a game," said Bylsma. "Sure, he might be able to last a shift or two, but eventually he's going to get hurt. And hurt bad. He'll take a slap shot off the neck or 400-pound speaker from the arena ceiling will break loose, fall and land on him. It's just his luck."
Picture Perfect Chicago Blackhawks Wedding
Too bad Jeff Tildethdoouspart is the minors right now.
Video Jack Edwards Compares Matt Cooke to Famous Murderer in Wake of Boston Marathon Bombing
He wins the Too Soon Award for Broadcasting.
News American Sports Fans to Resume Hating Boston Teams in 36 Hours
"We received word today that while the nation continues to support the people of Boston, sports fans will begin hating the Red Sox again very soon," said a Red Sox front office source. "While I wish that wasn't the case, I completely understand it. I mean, I supported New York after 9/11 and felt great compassion and heartbreak for everyone there, but I still loved it when they lost the 2001 World Series. The people of New York and what New York City represents is not the same as the Yankees baseball team. Screw the Yankees, right?"
Had the chase for the remaining suspect stretched on for several more days, Boston's teams would likely have received near-unanimous support well into next week, but Friday night's speedy resolution means that support will dissipate over the weekend.
"It's not surprising, especially with the playoffs starting," said Celtics head coach Doc Rivers. "Right or wrong, people move on. Although the one thing we might have going for us is that we're playing the Knicks. A lot of fans hate them, too. We might be the least disagreeable option. At least for a series."
Patriots owner Robert Kraft says he has learned the Patriots were never viewed in a sympathetic light.
"Unlike the other three teams, we are not in season," said Kraft. "So no one ever felt the need to stop hating us. We remain universally loathed outside of New England. It's been business as usual around here."
Opinion 3-Step Guide on How Athletes Can Become One of the Biggest Stars in Their Sport!
Video Brayden Schenn Takes a Slash to the Unmentionables
That's a penalty of one minute for each testicle.






