So that's how Sidney Crosby gets those concussions.
Gary Bettman is too dumb to know how to operate an iPad.
Max Talbot trains with one-finger push-ups. Wowâ€¦and we were proud of our 10 push-ups a month regimen.
1. "It was all politics"
You think our country is a political nightmare? You should have seen this guy's high school. The athletic department was rife with "politics." And because of these vague "politics," this guy didn't get the playing time he deserved. Why would any coach keep a superstar athlete who could make his team win off the field? "Politics, man. Politics." Oh.
Where he is now: Getting passed over for promotions at work because of "office politics, man. Office politics."
2. "My coach was an idiot"
How incompetent was this head coach? He made the second-coming of Michael Jordan into a career backup who averaged 3.4 points a game as a senior. That is truly some poor coaching.
Where he is now: Working for an idiot boss.
3. "If it wasn't for my injury, things would have been different"
Bo Jackson, Sandy Koufax, this guy: amazing athletes who had their careers cut short due to injury. If it wasn't for the sprained ankle he suffered in 7th grade football, pretty much every sports record in history would be owned by this tragic figure.
Where he is now: Riding around in a Jazzy Power Chair because he weighs 500 pounds/his back went out.
He's taking the NHL lockout very hard.
Video The NHL Lockout Song
Make it stop.
1. No one likes Gary Bettman
2. Sidney Crosby isn't playing.
3. Maple Leafs fans are depressed.
4. Phoenix's arena is full of empty seats.
5. Patrick Kane is drunk.
6. Ilya Bryzgalov can't stop a shot.
7. No one is watching NBC Sports Network.
8. Rick DiPietro isn't playing.
9. The LA media isn't covering the Kings.
10. Everyone hates Gary Bettman.
The disappointed Canucks were seen filing out of their homes and reporting to Rogers Arena while players on every other NHL team were able to keep relaxing and vacationing.
"It's tough," said goalie Roberto Luongo. "We thought we had the team to make it through the whole lockout. No one wants to be here."
The elimination was especially hard for Vancouver because they had invested large amounts of money in the lockout.
"I bought a yacht I can't use now," said Henrik Sedin.
"I also bought a yacht I can't use now," said Daniel Sedin.
The Canucks say they can't yet exactly put a finger on what caused their poor showing, but "everything just seemed to go to hell" once the pressure of the lockout was on.
Americans love sports more than anything else. The party conventions got drubbed in the ratings by football. If there's anything that will decide the 2012 election, it might be how our favorite teams are doing.
The Steelers capped the 2008 season winning their NFL record sixth Super Bowl trophy. They won their fifth Super Bowl under President Bush, as well. But while playing under President Obama, the Steelers have missed the playoffs, lost in the Super Bowl and lost as the favorite in the wildcard round of the playoffs to a team quarterbacked by Tim Tebow.
It is obvious that Obama has destroyed the Steelers.
Detroit Red Wings
Detroit won the Stanley Cup in 2008 also its second during President George W. Bush's time in office. The very next year, with Obama in the White House, they lost in the Stanley Cup Finals and haven't been back since.
It can be stated that Obama's meddling in the Detroit auto industry ruined the Red Wings.
The Lions went an NFL all-time worst 0-16 in 2008. They never won more than seven games in any of Bush's years in office. Yet since Obama's term began, the Lions have seen their win totals climb from two to four to 10, including a playoff birth last season.
There is no greater evidence that President Obama has taken Detroit from the very bottom and put it on the path to longterm success.