Picture German Goalie Has a Good Name for a Backup
"Look, starter. If you don't play better, I'm going to play the Fücker."
News Drunk, Depressed Jack Nicholson Spotted Buying LA Kings Tickets
“I want my regular seat on the floor for … whatever it is the hockey team is doing. Stanley’s cups,” Nicholson told a ticket window operator at the Staples Center this morning.
“I’m sorry, sir. But your seat would be on the ice at a hockey game. They’re not available,” Nicholson was told.
“What? There’s ice? Goddamit. Let me speak to Jerry Buss immediately! I want my seats!” screamed the actor.
Nicholson was then informed that Buss is not the owner of the Kings, which prompted him to run his hands through his hair and make angry and exasperated facial expressions for more than 10 minutes. He was then led away by Staples Center security.
Picture Claude Giroux Plays Beer Pong Through Injuries
This is the kind of gritty drunkenness they respect in Philadelphia.
Picture Jonathan Quick Now Ruining Sex Lives
It takes a while to remove all of that goalie equipment.
Picture Defecating on the Ice Should be a Game Misconduct
Hockey has gotten completely out of control.
Picture The Sacramento Kings are the 2012 NBA Playoff Darkhorses
I knew Jimmer would get them in the playoffs somehow.
Opinion The 10 Least Prestigious Individual Awards in Sports
#10 – Comeback Player of the Year Award
The NFL, Major League Baseball and the PGA Tour all name a Comeback Player of the Year. This would be a fine award if it was always given to a player returning from a serious injury or personal tragedy. But more often than not, the Comeback Player award is given to someone who simply sucked the previous year. All this award does is remind everyone how terrible you were.
Better Award Title: Wow You Really Blew Last Year Trophy
#9 – Most Improved Player Award
Better Award Title: The Congrats on No Longer Sucking Award
#8 – NASCAR’s Most Popular Driver Award
NASCAR’s Most Popular Driver is determined by fan votes. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has won this award every year since 2003: nine consecutive years. Earnhardt, Jr. last won a race on June 15, 2008, and has never won a Sprint Cup. Even if another driver eventually wins this award, it’s forever associated with failure.
Better Award Title: Dale Junior Cup or Congratulations On Being Loved By Moron NASCAR Fans Who Will Fall In Love With Whoever Is Marketed The Most Via Cheap Plastic Collectibles No Matter How Lousy Of A Driver He May Actually Be Trophy
Picture Coyotes Fan Distracting the Head Coach with Her Massive Cleavage
Melt the ice. It's time to motorboat.
