1. Everyone roots for underdogs.
Look at the wisdom of everyone. See the highest-rated shows on broadcast TV? See the albums that are at the top of the charts? See the crap everyone shovels into their mouths? Everyone is a moron. Your life's goal should be to never go along with what everyone does.
2. Underdogs are just pre-overdogs.
How does one become a hated favorite? By winning. If an underdog wins, they're no longer an underdog. The moment that clock hits double-zeroes and they're ahead on the scoreboard, you're beloved "underdog" is an overdog and you're nothing but a front-running bandwagon fan.
3. Rooting for underdogs glorifies failure.
Want to know the only way to become an underdog? Weeks, months, years or even decades of sustained sucking. Yep, the only reason to become an underdog is by having a long track record of failure. And now you're going to cheer that team on? You're going to put all of your support behind an outfit that was defined by stinking? You're going to reward failure over sustained excellence? Wow. No wonder the world's going down the crapper. You and your underdog-loving brethren are to blame.
"What can I say, we really like Geno Smith," said Andy Reid. "We are seriously considering drafting him with the No. 1 overall pick. One thing just seems to be leading to another. There's definite chemistry there."
Yet most NFL general managers see the photos as just the latest effort by the franchise to trick another team into trading up for Kansas City's No. 1 pick, fearing the Chiefs will take Smith even though they just acquired Alex Smith from the 49ers.
"There's no way they take Geno Smith No. 1 overall," said Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly. "That said, snuggling with him at a nightclub seems pretty extreme if they're not serious. Maybe they just like him so much they feel they can't pass him up at No. 1. This is tough. You know, maybe we should trade up."
Smith claims the photos are Photoshopped.
"I met with them, but I told them I wasn't interested," he said. "I realize every player dreams of being the No. 1 overall pick. But if that dream involves the Kansas City Chiefs? No. No one dreams of that."
You have to work pretty had to be dumber than America, Jerry Jones.
News Dr. James Andrews Unveils Superstar "FrankenAthlete" Made from Athlete Body Parts He's Collected Over the Years
"FrankenAthlete is the most physically perfect being ever created," said Andrews. "No single athlete could ever hope to defeat it."
Andrews has done surgeries during his career on Michael Jordan, Adrian Peterson, Jack Nicklaus, Robert Griffin III, Bo Jackson and countless other great athletes. He says he has combined parts and DNA he removed from all of them to grow FrankenAthlete.
"If any of my past patients have a problem with what I have done, I'd let them know that they agreed to this," said Andrews. "They need to read the fine print on their surgery paperwork a little better."
"It's just not something I wanted to do," said Grainger. "I hope there are no hard feelings, but being seen with Mark Sanchez in public in 2013 is about the most humiliating thing I can imagine. Being seen with any Jets player, I just I would never live it down."
Sanchez had sent the 17 year-old several letters asking to take her to prom and also posted a YouTube video in which he said going with her "would be a dream come true and make him the happiest player on the New York Jets."
In place of Sanchez, Kara will go to the prom with her on-again, off-again boyfriend Kyle, a C-student waiting to see if he will get accepted to Rutgers.
"Kyle isn't exactly anyone's idea of a dream date," she said. "But at least he's not seen nationally as symbol of failure. I can't imagine the things people would say to me if I went with Sanchez. 'Hey, Kara, don't let him fumble your butt tonight.' So embarrassing."
His daughter has a future in sports media.
Well there goes here dream of hooking up with Ted Johnson.
The sports world has many powerful figures. Roger Goodell. David Stern. Phil Knight. Scott Boras. But the powerful can't be powerful if there aren't nearby powerless to crush.
From more than 70,000 votes, here is who you determined to be the sports world's most powerless.
25. Jason Garrett
What's most powerful about him: Not constrained by having a soul.
What's least powerful about him: Has completely tarnished the value of an Ivy League education.
24. Athletes who don't take PEDs
What's most powerful about them: Have a clear conscience.
What's least powerful about them: Lose all the time.
23. Fantasy sports columnists
What's most powerful about them: Can spell "rotisserie" without looking it up.
What's least powerful about them: Receive noogies from baseball sabermetric nerds.
22. Ozzie Canseco
What's most powerful about him: Not Jose Canseco.
What's least powerful about him: Not Jose Canseco.
Picture David Akers Back Tattoo
Kickers, like diamonds, are forever.