I don't know what caused this bull to try to kill Junior Seau.
Maybe he doesn't like the Patriots. Understandable.
Maybe he doesn't like players who can't stay retired. Also understandable. (Although I'd prefer Brett Favre be the target of a nice goring over Seau.)
Or maybe he just hates extremely dated hairstyles. Also understandable.
And if that's the case, Derek Jeter should be taking a horn through the torso any day now. (Don't get excited, A-Rod. A fade with frosted tips isn't exactly the most current 'do either. You've got a goring coming, too.)
News Associated Press: A**hole Terrell Owens Feels He's Being Goaded by the Media Like the Pussy He Is
From SportsPickle's wire services.
Terrell Owens, dickhead extraordinaire, feels like he's being provoked.
The washed-up Buffalo wide receiver,a day after offering mostly terse answers to probing, insightful and respectful questions posed by renowned sporting journalists following the Bills' 27-7 loss to the New Orleans Saints, told the "Two Live Stews" on Sporting News Radio that the media is trying to get him to stir things up in Buffalo, as he did in Dallas and Philadelphia.
"It really just shows you the angle that the media has taken all these years," Owens said stupidly during the interview, unable to get on a better show than something on Sporting News Radio. "OnSunday, as you saw, the media took the initiative to try to get me to kind of go down the wrong path. I know the last two teams that I've been on, I felt like I left those teams prematurely due to media interviews that I've done and things kind of taken out of context and they created sort of a media whirlwind in the locker room and things kind of went downhill from there. I'm just trying to do the best job I can do as far as answering the questions and trying to be a better teammate and not try to throw people under the bus."
Owens went on and on from there blah, blah, blah, blah but it was pretty boring and self-serving, which is not at all surprising coming from this ass. Plus, if he wasn't going to speak ill of his teammates, why listen to him?
During his news conference on Sunday after the Bills loss in which his streak of 185 consecutive games with a reception was snapped (Ha-ha!) Owens was repeatedly asked about his lack of involvement in the team's offense.
"Just going with the plays that are called," Owens unfortunately replied repeatedly to those questions. "Whether I like them or don't, I'm just going with the plays that are called."
He admitted some frustration with the lack of pass attempts downfield but he sidestepped a question about whether the Bills and quarterback Trent Edwards is looking enough to the team's top receivers, making us wonder why we are sending a bunch of reporters up to the hellhole of Buffalo if this guy isn't going to say stuff that will make headlines.
"No, I don't want to answer that," Owens said Sunday. "I don't want to answer that, because whatever I say you guys are going to turn it to however you want to say it."
What a queer.
Associated Press reporters Matthew Carlyle, Bob Tefford and Marsha Lynch contributed to this report, and all of them agree that Terrell Owens is a total pussy who isn't man enough to say what's really on his mind. Prove us wrong, Terrell. The ball is in your court. (Don't drop it like you normally do, loser! HA!)
ADD: Vernon Davis, TE, 49ers Davis was viewed as a bit of a project when San Francisco selected him with the No. 6 overall pick in the 2006 NFL Draft. It appears that project may finally be nearing completion. Davis, now a team captain on the 49ers, had 7 catches for 96 yards and 2 TDs Sunday against the Vikings. Pick him up now before numbers like that become the norm.I have a feeling Vernon Davis is about to explode.
While before he only got two-second cameos in videos by the likes of Ron Artest. (Fast-forward to 1:25. And don't blink)
soon he may earn himself three or even four-second cameos in the videos of more accomplished rappers. Like, say Shaquille O'Neal.
Or, who knows, maybe Ron Artest will devote an entire song to him, a la his ode to Michael Jackson:
Vernon, Vernon, Vernon you my fantasy tight end
They running you on a fly
Vernon I know that you'll catch it, know that you'll score it
I try to win. I try to win, I try to win, I try to win.
Every center in football has one job: snap the ball cleanly to his quarterback and then pick up his blocking assignment. But Carolina Panthers center Ryan Kalil says he has decided he has a more important role on the team.
"I am the only one who can keep the ball out of Jake Delhomme's hands," says Kalil. "And if we can keep the ball out of Jake Delhomme's hands, this team can be successful."
Delhomme had six turnovers in Carolina's home playoff loss last January to the Arizona Cardinals. He then turned the ball over five more times in Carolina's opener this season and has had three more interceptions in two additional losses as Carolina has fallen to 0-3.
"Maybe they're not all Jake's fault," said Kalil. "But all I know is that I snap the ball to him, block for a second or two, look up and the other team has the ball. I mean, there's a pretty consistent element to all of these turnovers: me giving the ball to Jake Delhomme."
And it's a fact that has been tearing Kalil apart inside.
"I know people who have struggled with addiction," he says. "More often than not, they got to where they are because someone along the way enabled them. I am enabling Jake by snapping him the ball. If I stop doing that, he can get better. And we can win again. I am glad I have finally come to this realization. The power is in my hands."
While it will be on Kalil to follow through on his pledge to keep the ball away from his quarterback, he says he has a full network of support to fall back on.
"Other guys on the teams have been encouraging me to do this for weeks," he says. "Years even, when it comes to Steve Smith."
Head coach John Fox is also on-board with the plan, and thinks it will have positive results.
"Sure, we are going to get constant delay of game penalties," he said. "And that's not ideal. But I'll take being backed way up on my own side of the field over throwing interceptions that are returned for six points. I'll choose that every day. It's not even a hard decision."
Hi, this is Brady Quinn, quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. But you may know me better from Notre Dame, or from my Subway or EAS commercials.
Either way, you know me and that means you know my muscles, too. They're huge. And you don't get muscles this big without working out. Hard.
Today's workout? The bench.
Follow these tips and soon enough you'll be as good on the bench as I am.
5 BENCH TIPS by Brady Quinn
Step 1 Stretch!
Stretching is an important part of any workout. I like to play two quarters of a football game to stretch. Sometimes I play more, but usually I am pulled after two quarters and sent to the bench.
Step 2 Work those biceps and triceps!
The Cleveland Browns are not much of a team. Most of us hate each other. We fight all the time. Constant losing does that to a team, you know? So when I get sent to the bench, my teammates usually mock me with stuff like: "Hey, Brady, which way to the bench?" My response? "The bench is thattaway!" When delivering the line, start with a strong bicep curl and then extend the arm to point to the bench, working your triceps.
Step 3 Blast your quads!
Now it's time to sit on the bench. Spread your legs about shoulder-width apart and sit back and down onto the bench. Recline slowly to really burn your quads, as this will be only one repetition you'll be here on the bench the rest of the day, unfortunately.
Step 4 Focus on your core!
Strong core muscles are the key to any fit body. Once you are sitting on the bench, you'll want to lean forward and and put your head in your hands to show your disappointment about sucking. Make sure to contract your abs when doing this. Then, after a few minutes, sit back up straight. Contract your lower back muscles to do this move. Next, just wait a minute or two for your teammates to do something embarrassing on the field and contract those abs again down to shamed head-holding. You will do this move an indefinite amount of times each game. You'll have a six-pack by midseason!
Step 5 Don't forget cardio!
Too many bodybuilders forget about cardio. Not only is cardio good for your health and your heart, it's imperative to getting really cut. I do my cardio at the end of my bench workout. You should do the same. If the game is over, it's time to get up off the bench and run into the locker room. Need extra motivation to hit top speed? Listen to the crowd.
"You suck, Brady!"
"I hate you, Browns! I hate you with all my heart!"
"You look like a horse, Quinn!"
Run! Run! Run away from these mean people!
We all know the scores. But who really won and lost this week?
1. Joe Namath - Mark Sanchez keeps getting compared to you. Here's the only thing: Mark Sanchez appears to be good, whereas you pretty much sucked except for that one year you got drunk and guaranteed a Super Bowl victory. Look at your career win-loss record: 62-63-4. Career completion percentage: 50.1. Career touchdowns to interceptions: 173 to 220. If Mark Sanchez truly is the "next Joe Namath," as everyone is saying, the Jets should just go ahead and cut him now. Or, Joe Namath, you could keep encouraging this comparison, because you're the one benefitting from it. No crap quarterback has had his legacy edited so greatly since Olivia Manning squeezed out a couple of misproportioned Super Bowl-winning quarterbacks.
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- After scoring on a six-yard run in the first quarter against the Buccaneers, Giants RB Brandon Jacobs pointed at the Tampa Bay sideline and then simulated having sex with the ball. I don't know if any of the Tampa Bay players are gay, but it's still probably flattering to know that Brandon Jacobs wants to do it with them.
3. Terrell Owens No catches for the first time in 185 games. Who cares. When you respond to Rodney Harrison criticizing you on NBC by calling him out for being a 'roid head, you are a winner.
4. Jim Zorn - He lost to the Lions. So what? He's going to get fired. So what? Jim Zorn has become immortal. ZORN is the new ZING, at least when it comes to football. Want to deliver a one-liner about your friend's favorite team? Emphasize it with a ZORN! "Hey, Jeff, Cedric Benson barreled through there like a runaway boat. ZORN!" Vince Lombardi won't live on like this. ZORN makes people laugh. You yell out LOMBARDI and people are going to think you want them to run laps. Advantage: Jim Zorn.
5. Detroit Lions fans Look who was kind enough to sign autographs before the game! Why, it's Mr. Tom Cruise! A real celebrity! In Detroit! Not like one of those fake non-celebrities like Kid Rock. Pretty cool. Here he is writing to the kid in the Lions jersey: "Kid, I don't believe in mental illnesses. So what's with willfully wearing a Lions jersey? Not that Morgan Freeman over here in the Redskins jersey is any better. You need to cleanse your phaeton. Weirdly, Tom Cruise."
1. Poor people Ha-ha, poor people, you still are and remain LOSERS! Especially those of you in poverty in Detroit. Your football team won its first game since 2007 and did you see it? NO! YOU DIDN'T! Why? Because the game was blacked-out on television in Detroit because you didn't sell out the game. Why are you, the unemployed people of Detroit, not buying $100 tickets to watch an NFL team with a 19-game losing streak??? What is wrong with you people? Do you not know that Roger Goodell is trying to motivate you to stop being so poor! Pull yourselves up by your bootstraps! Or sell your bootstraps to get money for a ticket! What is wrong with you people???? I'll tell you what's wrong with you: you're POOR. And that makes you a LOSER!
2. Cleveland Browns Only one offensive touchdown in the past nine games. That is almost impossible to comprehend. And thanks to his benching yesterday, the Brady Quinn Era appears to be over in Cleveland. Please pop your collars at half mast in memoriam.
3. Buffalo Bills Congrats, thanks to a 25-yard touchdown pass in the second quarter that knotted the game with the Saints at 7-7, it appears you have finally found your quarterback of the future. Unfortunately, it was your punter who threw the pass. Still, though: best option.
4. Brett Favre Good pass. Too bad everyone still hates you.
5. Seattle Seahawks Nice costumes. No wonder the Northwest is full of so many crackpots. I'd want to join a militia and shoot the people responsible for this, too.
After selling more than 30,000 “Party Passes” for $29 to help set the NFL’s single-game attendance record on opening night, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones announced today that the team will now offer special $20 home passes to anyone who would like to attend a game at Cowboys Stadium while sitting at home.
“This stadium represents the next generation of sports entertainment complexes,” said Jones in a radio interview.“We know there’s a real buzz about this place across the Dallas area now, so we want as many people to be able to enjoy this new facility as possible.Even if they can’t afford a premium seat, or even a Party Pass.This $20 price point is a great way to come visit Cowboys Stadium by looking at it on television.”
Customers living in Dallas who purchase the home passes will be able to watch the entire stadium at home via a special relay signal from their local FOX affiliate, and will be able to walk the stadium grounds by watching a FOX camera crew walk the stadium grounds.“That way,” explained Jones, “you’re as close to the action as possible.You’re gonna see the natural light coming in from the sides, the steel trusses… everything.We’re gonna give you your money’s worth, that’s for damn sure.”
But the passes do come with certain restrictions.Customers parking at the Cowboys Stadium lot to go watch the game at home will pay a separate $75 fee.Customers who purchase the home passes will also not be allowed to access any of the stadiums concierge-level stadium clubs, bathrooms, or concession stands.Nor are they allowed into the stadium itself.
For an extra $10, customers who purchase the home passes can also get a special Video Board Pass, that allows them to watch the entire game on the Stadium’s now legendary video board via their home television.
“Oh, it’s incredible,” said Video Board Pass test customer Mary Lynch.“You would not believe how big this screen was.And it was so clear!It’s not like watching the game on a regular television thru a regular television.You have to see it in person on television to understand.”
And for a flat $500 fee, customers can also elect to subscribe to Jones’ new Cowboys Stadium Network cable channel, which runs a live feed of the outside of the stadium 24 hours a day.
Subscriber David Hammond was impressed.“I’ll be damned if Jerry didn’t pull it off,” he said.“Look at that thing.It is gorgeous.And only $500 for a whole year for a season pass?Not a bad price for a working class guy like me.”
“We really wanted to take the fan experience to the next level, “ says Jones.“What you’re seeing here is the perfect blend of stadium and technology.We have to give people more of a reason to come to the games now, even if they don’t want to physically do so.These home passes are the perfect solution.”
1:00 p.m. ET
Washington at Detroit (+6)
It seems every sportswriter is picking the Lions to win this game. Well, I would definitely not hope for such a thing. If the Lions finally win a game, who am I going to make fun of whenever I'm in a jam for material? I may as well just fold the site.
My pick: Washington
Green Bay at St. Louis (+6.5)
The Rams have looked absolutely horrendous in their first two games. But general manager Bill Devaney says he still has full confidence in head coach Steve Spagnuolo. Not that that's surprising. Devaney has always been a total spag hag.
My pick: Green Bay
San Francisco at Minnesota (-7)
Brett Favre could be in trouble this week going up against Mike Singletary and his giant cross. Assuming, of course, that Brett Favre is a vampire. I'm not big into vampires, but I know Favre can't be killed and that he's disgustingly pale. Also, I think vampires can transform into bats and I would like to beat Brett Favre with a bat. Pretty convincing, no?
My pick: San Francisco
Atlanta at New England (-4)
Speaking of vampires, the Falcons have a chance to really drive a steak through the heart of the Patriots in this game. And, yes, I meant "steak," not "stake." Well, to be honest, I misspelled it when I first wrote it, but I'm not going to go back and fix it because I don't care for my laptop judging me. And really, wouldn't it be cooler to watch someone get a steak shoved through their heart anyway? Yes. The answer is yes.
My pick: Atlanta
Tennessee at New York Jets (-3)
Last week Rex Ryan robo-called Jets fans and told them the team needed their loud support against the Patriots. The Jets won. Also last week, Jeff Fisher robo-called Titans fans and fist-pumped into the phone. The Titans lost. Lesson learned: vigorous fist-pumping just doesn't translate well over the phone.
My pick: New York Jets
Kansas City at Philadelphia (-9)
Ha-ha, Chiefs. You are picked to lose by 9 points to a team quarterbacked by Kevin Kolb. Ohhhhhhhhh, Vegas snap!
My pick: Philadelphia***
New York Giants at Tampa Bay (+6.5)
Tampa Bay's only hope in this game? Distract Eli Manning with their big, cartoonish pirate ship. "Ooh! Mommy, I want to play! Wheeeeee!"
My pick: New York Giants
Cleveland at Baltimore (-13)
It must suck for Cleveland to get crushed by the city that stole their team. But probably not as much as it sucks for Baltimore fans knowing that Peyton Manning now holds the Colts all-time record for touchdown passes and not Johnny Unitas. Suck it, Baltimore.
My pick: Baltimore***
Jacksonville at Houston (-3.5)
When it comes to my fantasy team, Steve Slaton has dropped his pants and crapped all over me. (You know, if you take away the word "team" from the preceding sentence, it really changes the meaning.)
My pick: Houston
4:05 p.m. ET
New Orleans at Buffalo (+6)
In an article on Friday in USA Today, Terrell Owens says he has been "unfairly criticized." I can't tell you much beyond that. Because, like most articles in USA Today, it was only two words long.
My pick: New Orleans
Chicago at Seattle (+2)
The Bears are coming off of a big win over the defending Super Bowl champions. If Jay Cutler can work through his celebration-induced hangover by Sunday evening (unlikely), I think they can make it two wins in a row.
My pick: Chicago
4:15 p.m. ET
Miami at San Diego (-6)
The Dolphins are desperate for a win after blowing Monday's night game to the Colts to fall to 0-2. If they can keep it close, I think they can win. Because late in the game you can always count on Norv Turner doing something like running a 4-inch, 11-ounce running back up the middle on 4th-and-2.
My pick: San Diego
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (+4)
The Bengals could easily be 2-0. And the Steelers could be 0-2. Or the Bengals could be 0-2 and the Steelers could be 2-0. Or, the final option: they both could be 1-1, as they currently are. Yay! Number permutations are fun! Tune in next week when we can do it all the way up to three! Awesome.
My pick: Pittsburgh
Denver at Oakland (+2)
JaMarcus Russell was 7-for-24 last week for 109 yards. And the Raiders won the game. For the season, he is 19-for-52 a .352 percentage. If you fold the American Football Conference into the American League, Russell is currently 19 points below Joe Mauer.
My pick: Denver
8:20 p.m. ET
Indianapolis at Arizona (-2.5)
On the flip side, Kurt Warner was 27-for-29 last week. And the two he missed were just throwaways to Jesus as a tithe.
My pick: Arizona
Carolina at Dallas (-8.5)
Jake Delhomme. Tony Romo. In primetime. With the whole nation watching. Brilliant bit of scheduling by ESPN. Think of all the ad dollars they'll bring in every time they go to commercial when a turnover causes a change of possession.
My pick: Carolina