AVOID: Ryan Moats, RB, Texans Houston running back Steve Slaton fumbled his first carry of the day on Sunday against the Bills. That turnover put Slaton, a fumble machine this year, on the bench and Moats in the backfield. Moats responded with 151 total yards and three touchdowns. So jump on Moats, right? Wrong. Moats is a career journeyman for a reason. He's not about to become a superstar. And Slaton is expected to get the majority of the carries again soon, maybe even this week. If that happens, Moats won't be on the field. Also, if Slaton sees more action, you should really grab Houston's fullback or even Matt Schaub if he's available. They have the best chance of picking up Slaton's fumbles and advancing them for positive gains.
1. Green Bay You lost the battle, but won the war. By booing Brett Favre on his return to your fair hamlet, you struck a blow against the Cult of Favre and forced the NFL media to acknowledge there are some who do not love the be-stubbled man-child. Yesterday, we were all Green Bayers. (Green Bayians? Green Bayites? Fat? Lactose-tolerant? Whatever.) Well done.
2. Rams-Lions Only one of these horrible teams could win, but they both played hard yesterday. In fact, I think it was the hardest-hitting game of the day. Probably because the players were trying to kill themselves.
3. Eli Manning You were horrible on the field, but you learned a valuable lesson: eat too much Halloween candy the night before a big game, get a bellyache and play terribly.
4. gravity Still as strong as ever. Good to see that some things never change.
5. Jim Zorn You proved your worth this week. You didn't have a game, yet you really did nothing different this Sunday than you do any other Sunday: you basically just relaxed. Redskins management will notice your consistency and dedication and reward you with a contract extension.
1. NFL rookies With 84 receiving yards and a touchdown on Sunday, as well as a several long kick returns, Minnesota's Percy Harvin is running away with the NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Harvin is a good player. But here's where the shame comes in. Percy Harvin's given name is William Percival Harvin III. Ha-ha, rookies. You're losing to the kid you used to shove in his locker.
2. The ladies Tom Cable is knocking you around. (Reportedly.) That's bad. Almost as bad: You ladies are so desperate that you're dating Tom Cable. What the? Come on, ladies. You're better than that.
3. Adrian Peterson Peterson had a good game yesterday. 97 yards rushing. But it wasn't anything remarkable. Only 3.9 yards per carry. It was his second consecutive game averaging less than four yards. In fact, in Minnesota's eight games this season, Peterson has cracked 100 yards only twice. He's on pace for 1,568 yards half of the 3,000 yards some predicted for him. Peterson is obviously one of the best in the game. But he's not the "Purple Jesus" (as dubbed by Drew Magary). Maybe Purple Pope. Or Purple Associate Pastor.
4. Rex Ryan After a 3-0 start, the Jets have lost four of five, including games at home to the Bills and Dolphins. Might want to help yourself to those complimentary sideline hot dogs while you can, Rex. You may not have a job for long. Or, worse, you could follow in this next guy's footsteps and end up in Cleveland.
5. Eric Mangini This guy is clueless. And not just when it comes to football. So Derek Anderson obviously has naked pictures of you, Mangini, and that's why you keep playing him. But here's the thing you somehow aren't getting about blackmail. People actually have to want to look at those pictures. Have you seen yourself? No one wants to see you naked. You are disgusting. Just a depressing tub of a man. So stop worrying about the photos and play Brady Quinn. Or Joshua Cribbs. Or a plant. Or just have the center snap the ball backwards onto the ground and then dive on it for a five-yard loss every play. Just don't let Derek Anderson on the field ever again.
NFL.com and FoxSports.com reported more than 8 million unique streams of their "Favre Cam" the online video feed of Brett Favre's every move during Sunday's Vikings-Packers game. But it was hours after the game ended that Favre Cam got its biggest traffic.
Fans who kept the feed running after the game ended noticed that the camera kept rolling on Favre even after he left the field, following him into the locker room, the shower, the postgame press conference, the team plane, his car on the ride home, and then eventually into his wife.
"I didn't expect that kind of access," said Vikings fan Kurt Lehman, who was glued to his computer during the Favre's lovemaking. "People were laughing at this Favre Cam concept when it was first announced. But they're not laughing now. For the first time in history, someone managed to combine two things millions of males love: sports and porn. And I commend NFL.com and FoxSports.com for doing it. It's an amazing achievement."
Traffic numbers for Favre Cam grew during the game but then dropped off dramatically after action ended. Less than a thousand were still watching when Favre got home and went upstairs. But when the sex began, those numbers multiplied as the original viewers quickly spread the word. Ten minutes later, as Favre finished with a clutch, late-coitus performance that brought his wife to orgasm, some 30 million were watching an Internet record for a single video stream.
Fox Sports CEO David Hill said he was pleased with the traffic numbers.
"This is all that we could have hoped for and more," he said. "But we're still working out the kinks. Ideally, we want to make it a profitable venture, where the viewer has his or her credit card charged to watch Favre have sex or use the bathroom. We can't give away this kind of stuff for free."
No matter the future, the production was a milestone for fan access.
"I've never seen anything like it," said former NFL broadcaster John Madden. "It was so easy to feel like you were there in the room with him. For example, I imagined I was his wife."
Favre, ever the showman, played to the camera pumping his fists or throwing his arms in the air when things were going especially well.
"He was like a kid in there," said Bears fan Bill Landry. "He made a lot of mistakes, yes. But he had so much enthusiasm. You could tell he really loved what he was doing. And while I'm not a Favre fan, I found myself rooting for him to come."
As part of SportsPickle's continuing commitment to corporate espionage, we have managed to intercept yet another sensitive document. This time we’ve nabbed the house rules for the studio hosts ofFox NFL Sunday. We warn you: some of this document contains strong language and/or references to Joe Buck.
Yeah, cry! CRY! Wah-wah-wah-wah. Boo-hoo. Cry like a TINY LITTLE BOY!
(You know, because you are. And that's incredibly appropriate. As you got crushed.)
1:00 p.m. ET
Houston at Buffalo (+3)
Steve Slaton needs to stop fumbling if the Texans are going to have a shot at the playoffs. And if he fumbles in this game, expect Terrell Owens to run off the sidelines and pick it up. He has very few chances to touch the ball.
My pick: Houston
Cleveland at Chicago (-13)
Angry Browns fans are organizing a protest. Waste of time. What they should do is organize a football team. And then beat the Browns.
My pick: Cleveland
Seattle at Dallas (-9.5)
If the Seahawks are going to have a chance in this game, they must stop Miles Austin. I can't believe I just wrote that.
My pick: Dallas
St. Louis at Detroit (-4)
The Rams have lost 17 in a row. The Lions have lost 22 of 23. And people say there isn't parity in the NFL anymore. Ridiculous. These teams suck pretty much equally.
My pick: Detroit
San Francisco at Indianapolis (-12.5)
Alex Smith got the nod at quarterback for the 49ers in the second half last week. And he responded by throwing three touchdowns to Vernon Davis. Smith-to-Davis just as the 49ers drew it up. In 2006. Now if only the 49ers can be a bit more patient with J.J. Stokes, they should have a potent offense.
My pick: Indianapolis
Miami at New York Jets (-3)
Wildcat? Pfffft. Mark Sanchez eats wildcats for lunch. No, really. Many hot dogs include waste meats from wild game.
My pick: Miami (and to win)
New York Giants at Philadelphia (+1)
Giants-Eagles at 1:00 p.m. Yankees-Phillies across the parking lot at 8:20. I hope the Guinness people are ready. I think we're going to have a record for most insufferable fans in one location.
My pick: Philadelphia (and to win)
Denver at Baltimore (-3)
If Baltimore loses again here, their season is pretty much over. So I'm picking the Ravens because their backs are against the wall. You see, for the past three games their chests have been against the wall, and they've been slightly bent over and the other teams have been well, this is a family site.
My pick: Baltimore
4:05 p.m. ET
Jacksonville at Tennessee (-3)
Vince Young is now starting in hopes of reviving the Titans. Good luck with that. Reviving the Titans would be as easy as reviving this guy:
My pick: Jacksonville (and to win)
Oakland at San Diego (-16.5)
As I said last week, Norv Turner is getting overlooked nationally because of some of the truly awful teams in the NFL. But this guy should not be a head coach. He has proven that over and over and over. I do think, however, he has a future in the front office. He reminds me of a young Al Davis. Especially in the face.
My pick: Oakland
4:15 p.m. ET
Carolina at Arizona (-10)
Just so you know, the line is also 10 in this game for how many times Jake Delhomme grabs the top of his helmet with both hands, closes his eyes and shakes his head, and then walks off the field with his head down and shoulders slumped. I'm going over. Way over. Kind of like a Delhomme pass over one of his receivers and into the waiting arms of a defensive back. ZORN!
My pick: Arizona
Minnesota at Green Bay (-3)
I realize it's Wisconsin, but do NOT eat the cheese dip at this game if you go. First of all, it's not cheese. Second, it was made by hand by the media. Yeah. Gross.
My pick: Minnesota (and to win)
Atlanta at New Orleans (-10.5)
As impressive as the Saints comeback win was last week, I worry they will become lazy now at the start of games. Teams tend to do that. Once they see what they're capable of, they coast out of the gate and then just wait to "turn it on." The Falcons, for example. They had a nice comeback win in 1974 and now they're just cruising along like they can flip the switch back on at any moment. I'm starting to question whether they can.
My pick: New Orleans
That kid plays like a kid out there! Probably because he's a kid!
And is someone yelling "KETCHUP!" after he lets go of the ball? Or maybe "CATCH 'EM"?
I can't tell.
I think I would have yelled "HOW DOES THIS KID HAVE A BETTER ARM THROWING UNDERHANDED BEHIND HIS BACK THEN A THIRD OF THE QUARTERBACKS STARTING IN THE NFL RIGHT NOW DO THROWING NORMALLY?!"
Dear Washington Redskins Fans
As you may have heard, in our ongoing efforts to improve the experience at FedEx Field, we have banned all fan signs.
But we will not stop there in our efforts to provide the best atmosphere possible.
In fact, I am pleased to announce a new measure: starting today, the scoreboard at FedEx Field is banned.
The scoreboard has been regularly putting up a low and losing score and that has created a negative atmosphere in the stadium and lessened the fan experience. We demand the best for our fans and won't let the negative attitudes of the scoreboard stand in the way. So it is being unplugged.
In addition to the ban on fan signs at FedEx Field and now the scoreboard ban, stadium security personnel will confiscate any devices that fans can use to learn the score, such as cell phones or radios. Also, the stadium's large video boards will show Redskins highlights from the 1980s and early 1990s during play.
Additionally, plain clothes team personnel will be circulating throughout the crowd to eject any fans who violate our new language policy. This includes our existing language policy with a few tweaks. I have overheard a sharp increase in the expression of the following phrases in the stadium in recent weeks, and they are all now BANNED:
"Dan Snyder is a douchebag."
"Fk Dan Snyder."
"I hope Dan Snyder dies in a fire."
"Hey, whaddaya say we all storm the owner's box and kill Dan Snyder?"
We feel these new changes will increase the enjoyment of all those in attendance at Redskins games, including me.
Also, parking at the stadium will now cost $125.
Daniel Snyder Washington Redskins, Owner
FOX is broadcasting the 2009 World Series between the New York Yankees and Philadelphia Phillies.
Here is FOX analyst Howie Long with his keys to the series.
The Washington Redskins fell to 2-5 on the season on Monday night thanks to a hard-fought, 10-point loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. And while such a record might not normally go over well in Washington, the team is earning praise for performing so well in the absence of star tight end Chris Cooley, who hasn't played the last three quarters.
Cooley suffered a broken leg on the first play of the second quarter in Monday night's game and is lost for the season.
"Every team in the NFL goes through injuries," said Redskins head coach Jim Zorn. "That's to be expected. And you have to fight through those. But when you lose a star player, sometimes they are too big to overcome. I think that's what has happened to us this year."
Quarterback Jason Campbell says he has noticed Cooley's absence from the very beginning.
"While he was on the field, yes, I just sensed it wasn't permanent, you know?" said Campbell. "That's one of the intangibles I bring to the quarterback position. That and well, that's the primary one. So I sensed he would get hurt, and therefore I didn't throw to him. I also haven't thrown the ball much to Santana Moss or Antwaan Randle-El this season. Mainly out of respect for Chris and what he's going through."
And while Cooley's is the most serious injury the Redskins have suffered this season, Zorn says other high-profile players have been fighting through debilitating injuries, as well.
"They won't admit it to me," said Zorn. "But I think it's obvious that Clinton Portis has one or two torn ACLs and maybe a ruptured Achilles. And Albert Haynesworth is dying of some kind of cardiovascular disease it seems. But they're brave enough to go out there on the field and compete, even though they look horrible and are embarrassing themselves. I admire them."
Redskins owner Daniel Snyder says he is taking into account all the bad luck in evaluating the embattled Zorn.
"Had you told me before the season that we were going to lose Chris Cooley for the year, a 2-5 start isn't half bad," said Snyder. "Coach Zorn is looking at a contract extension."