PongMonkey40, a self-proclaimed legal "expert" who "knows about this stuff" and has therefore posted a lot on Yahoo's Ben Roethlisberger story pages, wrote today that the quarterback "should have been charged something is fishy here."
The message board poster, who frequently refers to Roethlisberger as "Rapelisberger" and the Steelers as the "Jailers" and Pittsburgh as "Crimesburgh" and the Monongahela River as the "Monongarrested River," has said that the evidence was "overwhelming" against Roethlisberger and that the quarterback would be easily convicted for the crime and sentenced to "40 years to life in federal prison."
But now that the Milledgeville, Georgia, investigation is over without any charges, PongMonkey40 is sure there is a cover up.
"Did you see that DA's tie? That looked pretty nice!!!! I bet RAPESALOTBURGER bought that for him!!!" he posted after the DA announced his decision.
After another poster responded to his post with: "That's ridiculous. The DA isn't going to drop the case for a nice tie," PongMonkey40 laid into him: "Just another JAILERS fan who is ok with RAPE if it gets them a few wins!!! Disgusting!!!"
That post was followed by a racist post, a homophobic post and then a spam post for a erectile dysfunction website, but no response from the "JAILERS fan" that PongMonkey40 addressed.
"Shut you up, didn't I?" PongMonkey40 posted. "Just like my dick in your girlfriend's mouth."
PongMonkey40 then went over to the Washington Wizards team page where, on the preview page for the team's game against the Knicks, posted: "How's it going Jailzards fans? Gilbert Gunrenas should be in JAIL! You don't know the FACTS OF THE CASE!!! I DO!!!!!"
According to the official Madden NFL video game simulation, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger will be charged with sexual assault for his incident in Georgia. However, the clutch, two-time Super Bowl champion will be found not guilty. The simulation also predicts that months later he will pay his accuser six figures to make a civil suit go away.
EA Sports used the Roethlisberger case simulation to announce its new feature for the upcoming 2011 version of the game.
"The new Law-and-Order feature will make the game more realistic than ever," said Madden 11 lead designer Scott Powers. "Arrests and lawsuits are as much a part of the modern NFL game as touchdowns and tackles and we felt it was time the game reflects that reality."
Gamers will have the option to turn off the Law-and-Order setting on Madden 11 just as they can for injuries. Or they can toggle the frequency of Crimes as with the penalties setting.
"For teams like the Bengals, you can't completely shut off crimes," said Powers. "The Ravens, too. And we may add a downloadable patch after the game comes out that does the same for the Steelers."
In the opening arguments of the Roethlisberger EA simulation, the defense went hard after the victim’s credibility and were quick to point out the fact that no semen was accumulated, and without such, it can’t be proved beyond a reasonable doubt that there was any indication of assault. The simulation predicts the prosecution will counter with the fact that this is not the first time Roethlisberger has been accused, and his refusal to speak with police for a second time should throw up red flags. But it will ultimately be in vein, as a lack of tangible evidence will catch up to the prosecution. And the Steeler's defense will put it away late with a witness saying the accuser also falsely accused him of sexual assault.
The accuser's attorney, Stephen Rawlings, discounted the validity of the simulation.
"It's nothing more than a simulation. The prosecutor still has to go out there and do his job if there are charges," he said. "Although, I will admit the courtroom graphics were pretty awesome. You could see every strand of hair in Ben's goatee. And I thought it was very realistic how he was wearing a suit with a devil face tie. Great games nail the details like that."
EA also announced that their season-long simulation shows that in Week 5 Roethlisberger will throw for 415 yards and three touchdowns and be accused of sexual assault by the court stenographer he was openly hitting on during his trial.
Despite months of courtship, the St. Louis Rams informed Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford today that they only want to be friends.
“We’re moving in a different direction,” Rams GM Billy Devaney told Bradford in a brief, but tearful call today. “It’s not you. Really, it’s not. You’re a great quarterback. You’ll make some lucky team very happy.”
The Rams stress that they are very early in their rebuilding process and don’t want to commit to just one player – especially with the draft still weeks away.
“We’ve got the money and we’ve got the No. 1 pick,” said head coach Steve Spagnuolo. “Why settle down when we don’t have to? We don’t want to look back on this time 10 years from now when Sam's put on a few pounds and wish we had gotten with Ndamukong Suh or Eric Berry.”
Devaney echoed his coach.
"Suh and Berry are amazing. I wish we could have them all at once, but that’s just not possible,” he said. “And let’s not forget Colt McCoy or Jimmy Clausen. They both have great bodies. And Colt has the prettiest eyes you could ever want to see.”
Bradford admits to being upset by St. Louis' decision.
“I thought we had something, I really did,” he said. “I thought I was their No. 1. I know they still have feelings for me. I know they still want me. It’s just … I don’t know what. I think maybe they’re scared of the strong feelings they have.”
But Devaney says there were some issues with Bradford and the Rams being physically compatible.
“I know this sounds petty,” said Devaney. “But Sam simply wasn’t big enough for us. And we don't think he can handle punishment. I’m sorry, but size does matter – no matter the position.”
Bradford plans to swallow his heartbreak and move on as best he can.
“I just came out of a three-year relationship in Oklahoma,” he said. “I don’t like being alone. I probably shouldn’t say this, but I’ll probably just go to the first team that will take me. But my heart will always be with the Rams. I know that. We had something special. Maybe one day we can be together again – through a trade or maybe free agency. That hope is what will get me through each day.”
Ben needs to watch better movies.
After 11 seasons, five NFC title game appearances and one Super Bowl appearance, the Donovan McNabb era is over in Philadelphia. And for many Eagles fans, the end couldn't have come soon enough.
"I hate to say 'I told you so,' but I told you so," said Donny Nichols, a caller into Philadelphia sports talk station WIP this morning. "This trade is management finally admitting that Donovan wasn't a good fit with the Eagles. As I booed at the '99 draft, Ricky Williams was the better pick. I just wish it didn't take them this long to come to their senses."
Eagles fans wanted Williams, the star Texas running back, and not McNabb in the first round in 1999. Fast-forward to today and McNabb is traded off in the division for a mid-second round draft pick, while Williams is coming off a season in which he scored 13 touchdowns and averaged 4.7 yards per carry for the Miami Dolphins. Williams is also a year younger than McNabb and has a significantly lower salary.
"Game, set and match," WIP caller Ron "Big Ron" Mackey told show host Howard Eskin. "I've been saying on these airwaves for years that I could run this team better, and now it's proved. McNabb is gone. Even Brian Westbrook is gone. And look: we need a running back. Could it be any more obvious now that we should've drafted Ricky back in '99 like I said. Sometimes I wish I rooted for a team run by people who were smarter than me."
Big Ron also advised during his call that the Eagles create some competition for Kevin Kolb at the quarterback spot by drafting Sam Bradford and offering running back LeSean McCoy and a draft pick to the Patriots in exchange for Tom Brady.
"That's a move I think the Patriots make," said Big Ron.
Meanwhile, sources within the Eagles front office give no indication that the team plans to acquire Williams.
"Show your displeasure at the draft," Eskin advised his listeners. "Whoever they pick, boo him. Remind Andy Reid that you know better."
Too many penalties to count. It's like they're not even trying to play by the rules.
You skipped a voluntary workout today, continuing a long personal history of missing workouts. Those close to you admit they are worried that you aren’t truly dedicated, and feel you will be out of shape and susceptible to injury down the road.
“I don’t want to make more of it than it is,” said your girlfriend. “But after our recent breakup, I thought he would be doing everything to really keep up appearances. Then the first opportunity he has, he skips a workout to – what? Who knows. Play PlayStation?”
Your boss stressed that the workout was voluntary.
“Would it have been great had he done it? Absolutely,” he said. “But it was a voluntary workout. His girlfriend can’t make him go. I can’t make him go. And, to his credit, he has for the five years he’s worked here, kept himself in good enough shape to do his job and not die. As soon as that changes – or as soon as he’s abusing our health care plan with treatment for various fatty ailments – that’s when it becomes more serious and something to worry about.”
Despite your no-show, almost all of your friends went to the gym for a workout today.
“I wish he had been here,” said your best friend. “It’s not a big deal. But it’s just something he should do to build camaraderie and show he’s one of us. We don’t want to be here any more than he does. But he should be here suffering along with us. That’s what you do when you’re part of a team.”
Your former college roommate said you can’t rest on your laurels.
“Back in the day he could get away with this stuff, maybe,” he said. “Back in college when he was benching close to 300 pounds. But he needs to realize he’s not that guy anymore. He’s not a superstar. Age is catching up to him. He needs to put in the work. Sure, he still has flashes – he pushed my new couch up the stairs into my apartment last weekend all by himself – but he’s not the guy benching 285 anymore.”
With another voluntary workout scheduled for tomorrow, it’s not known if you will participate in that one either.
“We’ll see. We’ll see what’s going on,” you said. “But I don’t care what other people think. I’m good to go. I don’t need all this working out. I never have. It’s just how my body is. I may not look like I’m in great shape. But I could be ripped and trim in a couple of weeks if I wanted to be. Look how I easily I can pick up my coffee tabl- … Ahh! F—k! My back!”
According to sources close to NFL wide receiver Terrell Owens, the six-time Pro Bowler has been unable to stop laughing over reports that former Eagles teammate Donovan McNabb may soon be dealt to the Oakland Raiders.
The laughter has gone on for so long now that Owens' friends are starting to worry about his health.
"He hasn't eaten anything for 24 hours," said Owens' assistant, Tony Mivens. "He hasn't had anything to drink. It's not healthy. He's tried to drink water, but every time he takes a swig, something about McNabb going to the Raiders scrolls across the screen and he does a spit take and starts rolling around on the floor laughing again."
Those who have seen the receiver in the past day say he looks skinny and weak, but incredibly happy.
While Owens was forced to toil for the Buffalo Bills last year, the prospect of his Eagles nemesis having to close his career on the most comically inept franchise in the NFL perhaps in all of sport has brought delight to an offseason in which Owens, too, looks for a new employer.
"Terrell definitely wants to play next year," said his agent, Drew Rosenhaus. "And we have plenty of suitors. But right now he is weighing his options. He is seriously considering taking a year off so he can put his full attention into watching Donovan McNabb play for the Raiders. He has even said he may buy tickets for all of their home and away games and be a sort of failure roadie."
Rosenhaus says he hasn't had the heart to inform Owens of the one team who has shown serious interest in his services for 2010.
"It's the Raiders. I can't tell him. He's obviously very emotional right now," said Rosenhaus. "If that's our only option, that's our only option. Maybe I can sell it to him as an opportunity to sabotage McNabb one more time. He may even play for the league minimum for that chance."
In a ruling that will change the way NFL games are played, the league has approved a new, modified sudden death proposal. The proposal, which will take effect for 2010 season, stipulates that Vikings quarterback Brett Favre should get the ball at least once in overtime.
The ruling eliminates the nightmare scenario of an overtime game ending without the beloved QB having a chance to score.
“It’s something that we’ve been discussing for a long time,” said Competition Committee co-chair Rich McCay. “Far too many overtime games have been decided without Brett Favre ever getting the ball, and that’s unacceptable. People pay to see Favre play football, not sit on the sidelines while some nobody is kicking a 42-yard-field goal to ‘win’ the game, or while quarterbacks from other teams are playing.”
McCay said that last season’s Vikings-Saints playoff game, in which the Saints won in overtime after winning the coin flip, factored heavily into the decision.
“That game was a disaster. No game should end like that,” said McCay, "with Brett Favre standing there on the sidelines, useless, while the Saints are marching down the field to glory! Hello? What’s wrong with that picture? That should have been Brett in there. We all know that. The Saints know that. With this new rule, the big guy will at least get a chance with the ball, which is all he usually needs.”
Under the new format, if a team other than Brett Favre’s team wins the overtime coin flip, they can proceed down the field in the normal manner and attempt to score. If they do, Favre’s team will be given the ball one more time.
In games in which Favre is not playing, conventional overtime rules will apply. Or, if the schedule permits, team officials may dispatch a private jet to Hattiesburg, Mississippi, to speak to Favre in hopes of convincing him to play for them in overtime.
“The new overtime format won't affect every game, every year,” said Titans coach Jeff Fisher. “But it does affect the most important ones: the ones Brett Favre plays in. Seeing him with the ball in OT is one of the biggest thrills in sports. And frankly, if my team is playing Brett’s team and we go into overtime and he doesn’t even get a chance to work his magic, I don’t evenwantto win that game.”
Surprisingly, every team in the league voted in favor of the measure, with several owners insisting that giving Favre an extra chance in OT was no big deal.
“Outstanding. Give him the ball,” said one owner, who asked not to be identified. “You know Brett: he’ll run out of the pocket, see a receiver triple-covered, think ‘I’m Brett Favre,’ and then hurl it across his body into coverage. If anyone should be against this rule, it should be Brett. It’s just going to make him look bad.”
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo attended Eastern Illinois University. If you have ever wondered if EIU has a broadcasting major, they do. And it's as prestigious as they're field goal holding major.