"Hey, I like your pretty hair," Ben Roethlisberger was heard telling Troy Polamalu yesterday during practice. "Why don't you come over here and sit on my lap and tell me what you like about football?"
Polamalu politely declined and pushed his quarterback's hand away from his butt, but Steelers teammates and coaches say Roethlisberger's come-on was just his latest towards the star safety since camp began.
"You have to realize that Ben has pretty much been in seclusion since March when the incident in Georgia happened," said a Steelers player who wished to remain anonymous. "He's barely seen a girl in five months, let alone gotten a B.J. in a bar bathroom from one. So when he shows up to camp and sees someone with long, curly, black hair, piercing eyes, a thick butt, that soft-spoken but aggressive style well, he pretty much can't help himself."
"Hell, I've been getting regular tail and I'm sort of attracted to Troy myself," said the player. "He's a very pretty man."
So far Roethlisberger's repeated advances have not been a distraction to the team.
"We're all about team here once camp opens," said head coach Mike Tomlin. "Sexual attraction can be great for bringing a team together. In fact, it's what made the '90s Cowboys and the Patriots of the past decade so good."
Some teammates say Roethlisberger dropped his pants and exposed his penis to Polamalu and other teammates today after practice, "but he was going into the shower," said one player. "Maybe it was an innocent gesture. Although I've come to doubt Ben makes purely innocent gestures when his penis is out."
July 30, 2010 Column
Tweet of the Week
Tweet of the Week
From @ddockett AKA Arizona Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett
Tim Tebow is portrayed as mature beyond his years. And in many ways he is. But even the great Tebow can still fall prey to the temptations on a 22-year-old with money.
According to reports, Tebow has already blown through his $2.5 million signing bonus on various worldwide charity organizations focusing on famine, education and home-building.
"Hey, it's his money now and he can do with it what he'd like," said Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels. "But, sure, you'd like to see a bit more responsiblity and discretion from someone you hope will become a leader of the team. I've seen a lot of young players go broke being stupid. I hope he doesn't do the same."
Tebow admits it may have been a little foolish to blow through $2.5 million in 24 hours.
"The money was burning a hole through my pocket," he said. "I just wanted to help people. There are so many people in need who can't afford a delay in aid. But, sure, if I had more time, I might have researched some of the charity organizations a little more to make sure all of the money will be used in the best possible way."
Not all of Tebow's bonus went to charity, however. The quarterback also used some of the money for personal use a down payment on a luxurious downtown Denver loft apartment. He plans to live there until he completes the renovations needed to make it into a soup kitchen, one he hopes will be the nices soup kitchen in the United States if not the world.
"I have been blessed with this money and I want to help others," he said. "I don't need this bonus. I can easily live off of my regular salary. That's what I'll use to pay my mortgage, get a car, and finance my addiction to hookers."
You know how the NFL has a problem with players suffering debilitating concussions a problem that the league has ignored for years?
Well, that problem is about to be a thing of the past thanks to the league placing a concussion poster in every locker room! That's right. A poster. The same tool that was placed in American schools and quickly rid the nation of drug abuse, unsafe sex and racism. YES!
Anyway here's what the poster looks like.
Philadelphia Eagles coaches and players expressed disappointment today after head coach Andy Reid reported to training camp 174 pounds overweight.
“I love the guy,” said quarterback Kevin Kolb. “But he looks terrible. We have a long season ahead of us and he’s clearly in no shape to be able to give his best. Unless he drops 165 pounds or so in the next six weeks, I don’t see how we can keep him.”
Reid says his track record of success and years of service to the team should give him the benefit of the doubt.
“I’ve won a lot here,” he said. “And I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know what my body can handle. I’ll be ready for the season. Trust me. And I think my weight is an advantage at my position. My body can feed off of itself while I put in late nights during the season watching film and writing up game plans. I don’t need to take breaks to eat. I still do anyway. Many, many times each hour I’m there. Eating. Stuffing my face.. But I think my point stands.”
But many Eagles do not accept Reid’s explanation.
“The offseason is supposed to be our time off,” said offensive lineman King Dunlap. “But if we show up here on the first day of work overweight by a few pounds, we get in trouble. Yet he can walk around like a giant sack of sh-t, shoving hot dogs in his mouth like he’s at Coney Island on the Fourth of July and everything is okay? I thought coaches were supposed to lead by example, no? Well then put down the sticky buns for a minute, lard ass.”
Reid says he should be exempt from any team punishment or fines because he attended all of the team’s voluntary and mandatory off-season workouts.
“I was there every day,” he said. “They put out a delicious spread in the locker room. So of course I was there. Free cheese squares? With ranch dressing dip? Umm … yes. You couldn’t keep me away.”
A GameStop in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, switched out the cover of the new EA Sports' NCAA Football 11 with one featuring Tim Tebow crying.
Turns out they changed the back cover, too.
Quarterback Michael Vick will not be able to leave Pennsylvania to attend his annual crime festival in Newport News, Virginia, due to travel restrictions placed on him as part of his probation.
The Vick Family Crime Jamboree has been hosted by Vick and his brother Marcus Vick in their hometown since 2001. The event features five days and five nights of small misdemeanors up to serious felonies. Participants compete for cash prizes, loot and skilled defense attorneys. Admission is free, but those who attend are made aware that they could be robbed or assaulted at any time.
"Of all the events that I have had to miss due to the travel restrictions currently place on me, I am most disappointed to have to miss this one," said the quarterback. "Anyone who knows me knows how much I want to get back home and do some crime."
With Michael Vick unable to attend, the hosting duties fall solely onto his brother Marcus.
"I'm upset Michael won't be here," he said. "But this is my chance to prove I'm just as bad as he is. I'm tired of being in his shadow. Except when the times that literally being in his shadow has enabled me to avoid being detected by police."
Although the Eagles backup said he definitely will not attend, there are rumors that he will show up for the day's final show.
"We usually have a fireworks display that's part of blowing up a bank vault," said a source close to the Vick family. "But we are considering getting Mike out of Pennsylvania and down here. We've never had a parole violation AND a manhunt at the jamboree. I think the attendees would really enjoy it."
Workers have removed the iconic "We Are All Witnesses" billboard of Lebron James in downtown Cleveland.
What has been put up in its place is far more depressing than the empty side of a building would have been.