Opinion The 10 Players at Every NFL Combine
1. The Big, Disgusting Fatty
Half man, half Quadruple D breasts, he decided to show up to the NFL Combine in the worst shape of his life. For some reason, to the disgust of us all, the combine directors make him take his shirt off. Probably because the shirt he was wearing was covered in hoagie sauce.
How his career will end up: Wildly successful. After everyone stops retching over the sight of his naked torso, they’ll remember that being morbidly obese is kind of a prerequisite for playing a lineman position in the NFL.
2. The Unexpectedly Slow Guy
All was going well for him. He had a great college football career. Won awards. Was respected by his teammates and coaches. Was thought to be an early round pick. But then … oh, god, it’s almost too horrible to say … but then … his 40 time was 0.03 seconds slower than what is considered ideal for his position. You should go kill yourself, fella.
How his career will end up: After plummeting down the draft, he will be some team’s mid-round “value pick” and — shock of all shocks — turn into a very solid professional football player. Although, there will be that one tackle he’ll miss in Week 7 of his sixth season that was probably due to him being 0.03 seconds too slow.
Picture Hopelessly Depressing Cleveland Browns License Plate
"4THPLACE" was taken so he went with this one.
News Report: NFL Team Has Been Openly and Purposely Using Offensive "Redskins" Term for Nine Decades
“I would like to apologize to anyone that we offended on behalf of the entire Washington Redskins organization,” said team owner Daniel Snyer. “I mean, not the Redskins organization. Umm … the whole NFL football franchise based here in Washington, D.C. I have reviewed the situation, and the offensive term was only used 2,346,187 times by members of this franchise. It is our hope that it never happens again, at least until after we get around to possibly changing the name.”
Snyder said that the franchise has thought about changing its team name in the past, but other issues have always pushed it to the back-burner.
“We’ve also asked around and not everyone or even every Native American finds ‘Redskins’ offensive, so that should count for something,” said Snyder. “Whoops. I said it again. Push that number up to 2,346,188.”
Opinion The 10 Smartest Athletes in Sports
#10 – Pau Gasol, PF, Los Angeles Lakers
Gasol speaks three languages fluently and attended medical school in Barcelona before starting his NBA career. Plus, like Albert Einstein and many other intellectuals, he has crazy hair; his is just on the bottom of his face in the form of a neck beard.
#9 – Jeremy Lin, PG, New York Knicks 
Lin graduated with a 3.1 GPA in Economics from Harvard. A 3.1 GPA may not be that impressive at many schools, but Harvard is not many schools. Had Lin played for someone like John Calipari, he would have been able to graduate with a double major in about 8 weeks.
So there’s no question: Lin is smart. So smart he probably can think of a million “Lin”-based puns.
Column
Tweet of the Week
Athletes are Masters of Love
From @RickyWilliams AKA retired running back Ricky Williams …
Opinion The 10 Biggest Flash-in-the-Pan Athletes in Sports History
10. Kevin Maas 
Mass experienced the New York media hysteria 22 years before Jeremy Lin did. A 22nd round draft pick in 1986, Maas was called up to the Yankees in late June of 1990 as a 25 year-old. The first baseman instantly exploded. Maas set a major league record for fewest at-bats to reach 10 home runs (72) and finished his season with 21 home runs in just 79 games. THE YANKEES HAD FOUND THEIR NEW BABE RUTH!
Nope. More like their new Steve Balboni.
In 1991 — in a full season — Maas hit just 23 home runs and batted .220. By 1995 his major league career was over, finishing with one home run and a .193 average as a member of the Minnesota Twins.
Where is he now?: Maas works as a financial consultant in California and regularly returns to Yankee Stadium for Old-Timers’ games, where he is no doubt forced to sit on the bench.
News Jim Irsay on Peyton Manning Meeting: "It's completely normal to have snipers on top of the building"
“That couldn’t be more off-base,” said Irsay. “I’ve never explicitly told anyone to take a shot at Peyton. I made sure of that. You can’t find one instance of me telling them personally to shoot him in the head or in the heart — or the stomach, which would be a more painful way to die, of course.”
Irsay is scheduled to meet with Manning next week to discuss the quarterback’s future with the team. Manning is scheduled to arrive outside the stadium and then be led through a dark tunnel area with no escape in which he will only be visible from above.
“To even imply that he will be led into a quote-unquote ‘shooting gallery’ is irresponsible. It’s merely a dark hallway,” said Irsay. “Do people sometimes get shot in hallways? Sure. But it’s far from a kill zone, in which he will be completely exposed and defenseless for 13 to 16 seconds.”
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