Brainwashing children is so adorable!
Picture Russell Martin Has Nice Nails
This is what happens when you get a manicure with A-Rod.
"I need to go back to what worked for me during my prime," said Jeter, whose average is hovering around .200. "I hoped using that fat plastic bat would help me make contact, but I feel like I look foolish out there even more foolish than I look with a regular wood bat."
The few times Jeter has made contact this season, the ball cracked his plastic bat or the contact resulted in nothing but a weak ground ball. The short, two-foot bat also had him struggling to get to any pitches on the outside corner.
"I'm not sure if I'll be any better with a real wood bat," said Jeter. "In fact, I'm sure I won't be. But at least I'll be able to go out with what remains of my dignity."
His torso, ass and legs shot weighs 300 more.
It's slightly less funny if he's dead.
He should just hate the Yankees and Red Sox.
"The Yankee organization strives to have the best of the best," said Yankees general manager Brian Cashman. "And Dr. Andrews is by far the best surgeon in the field of sports medicine. We're proud to have him. We're also excited because now if anyone gets hurt on any other team, they're pretty much screwed," he added laughing, as he high-fived fellow Yankees executives.
Dr. Andrews has long practiced at the Andrews Sports Medicine and Orthopedic Center in Alabama, Birmingham, and is the go-to surgeon for ligament injuries including "Tommy John surgery," which repairs torn elbow ligaments in pitchers.
"For years I have made my services available to everyone," said Dr. Andrews. "But I'm 69 years-old now. Most surgeons are long-since retired. But I'm going to keep going. I just feel it's my right to cash in a little bit. And the Yankees are always the place for an older person in baseball to do that."
It must be Brian Cashman's birthday.
Before leaving Sheen also played catch and was immediately offered a guaranteed, major league contract by Yankees general manager Brian Cashman when his fastball touched 70 mph.
"No way I was going to let that kind of arm leave here without putting on the pinstripes," said Cashman at a press conference announcing Sheen's signing of a 4-year, $78 million contract. "Pitching was our biggest deficiency, but I think Charlie steps right in as our No. 3 starter."
Sheen was a star pitcher for Santa Monica High School in the early '80s, but gave up a potential baseball career to pursue acting. He showed off his throwing arm in the 1989 movie Major League. Now 45 years-old and addicted to drugs, alcohol and prostitutes, Sheen's physical health was the envy of Yankee pitchers CC Sabathia, Joba Chamberlain and Bartolo Colon.
"Wow. I would do anything to be in as good of shape as that guy," said Sabathia, the team's 290-pound ace. "Well, anything short of diet and exercise."