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"Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod!" shrieked Phillies second baseman Chase Utley upon learning his team would meet the Yankees this week in the World Series. "The Yankees are, like, so famous. I see them on TV all the time. I'm so nervous. Aaaaah!"

As the American League Championship Series played itself out, the Phillies to a man said they didn't have a preference what team advanced. But now that the Yankees knocked off the Angels, the team is letting their true wishes known.

Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard says he is the most nervous of anyone on the team.

"I play at first," he said. "That means every time they get on base, I'll have to make small talk with them. What do I say? What do you say to someone as famous as Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez or Nick Swisher? Is it okay if I ask for their autograph? I hope I don't throw up."

The Phillies met the Yankees for a three-game interleague series during the regular season, but they say this is different.

"I'm not going to lie, that was one of the coolest experiences of my life, seeing all those guys up close," said Phillie starter Cole Hamels. "But this is bigger. All of their stars are going to be playing every game … against us! On the same field! I'll be snapping pictures the whole time I'm on the mound. Ohmigod … what should I wear? My uniform, you think? Isn't that too casual?"

Phillies manager Charlie Manuel says he will try to do his best to put his team in position to meet their goals.

"It's my job to get these guys prepared to meet the Yankees and not look stupid," he said. "That's all we're looking for in this series. They don't want to do or say anything around someone like Derek Jeter or Robinson Cano that they'll kick themselves over forever. Also, if there's any way I could meet Joe Girardi — I mean, wow. What an honor. That guy has accomplished so much in this game. He's a personal hero."

Despite the Phillies reverence for the great Yankees, Yankee captain Derek Jeter says his team will have to play well to win.

"They are the defending champs and they have rolled through the postseason so far," said Jeter. "We need to play our best to win. They're a great team."

"Ohmigod … Derek Jeter said that about us?" said Phillies right fielder Jayson Werth. "That just seals it. He is, like, the greatest, most coolest guy ever. I'm definitely getting his autograph."

Following an Alex Rodriguez home run in the bottom of the 11th inning on an 0-2 count that tied the game, Game 2 of the ALCS between the Yankees and Angels was halted so Rodriguez could be honored in a special ceremony at home plate for achieving the status of "true Yankee."

"This is the biggest honor any player in baseball can ever hope to achieve," said a tearful Rodriguez, as he was informed of his new designation at a home plate ceremony by commissioner Bud Selig. Existing "true Yankees" lined up to shake Rodriguez's hand, while members of the Angels stood off to the side and respectfully applauded, some taking pictures.

Rodriguez's blast was his third game-tying home run in the seventh inning or later this postseason. The accomplishment was enough to earn the status of "true Yankee," including all the rights and privileges according a true Yankee. Rodriguez will now have dinner and drinks comped within the New York metropolitan area for the rest of his life, passersby will stop referring to him as a "choker," "douchebag," or "overpaid, lipstick-wearing queer," the New York Post will cease publishing mocking headlines, and he will carry himself with a general sense of awesomeness.

Many Yankees greats were on hand or the ceremony, including Hall of Famers, as well as extremely true Yankees like Scott Brosius and Paul O'Neill.

"To have my name uttered in the same sentence as someone like Scott Brosius," said Rodriguez after the game, "well … it's pretty special. This is the kind of thing you dream about as a baseball player."

Yankee captain Derek Jeter said he is glad to welcome another member to the true Yankee club.

"Being a true Yankee isn't about stats, it's about some sort of indefinable criteria dreamt up by our fans and the media," he said. "And Alex has finally fully met those requirements, whatever they might be."

Rodriguez says he will not take the responsibility lightly.

"To whom much is given, much is expected," he said. "The great and true Yankee Luis Sojo taught me that."

Despite being in a happy relationship with actress Kate Hudson, Yankees star Alex Rodriguez admits he struggles not to fantasize about Hudson's 54-year-old mother, actress Goldie Hawn, who Rodriguez calls "more my type physically."

Rodriguez says he finds Hawn to be "as delectable as Madonna, only more aged to perfection." Yet he says he has a good thing going with Hudson and doesn't want his lust for her mother to get in the way of that.

"Kate is only 30. Her breasts are still perky. Her ass hasn't dropped yet. She doesn't have a paunch around her waist. No gray hair. No plastic surgery yet. No smell of medicine," said Rodriguez. "But I can't hold that against here. Someday she'll have all that — and hopefully more."

And it's that mind towards the future that Rodriguez wants to maintain.

"I want to find a life partner," he said. "So I need to stop being attracted to people who will die 20 years before me."

Hudson says she is willing to be patient.

"Every girl wants her boyfriend or husband to like her mother," said Hudson. "Not to the point that he wants to sleep with her and gets handsy and has an erection every time he's near her. But Alex will work through that. And as I tell him: 'Hey, I'm not getting any younger.'"

In time, Rodriguez hopes to stop calling out 'I'm going for the Goldie!' during lovemaking and says he will no longer ask Hudson to go without makeup or get massive amounts of collagen injected into her face.

"A strong relationship is about compromise," he said, "and if that means I can't hook up with Goldie Hawn, I'll have to deal with that."

Still, though, Rodriguez says he has a lot of time to daydream when the Yankees aren't playing.

"So maybe I go over to her house for Thanksgiving," says Rodriguez, "and something is undercooked that only Kate eats, so she gets food-poisoning and goes to bed. And then Kurt Russell has a film shoot, so it's just me and Goldie awake. And we get to talking and I ask her to show me her new lips, and she says 'Which ones?' And then one thing leads to another and before you know it, I have sex with a near-elderly actress. How awesome would that be?"

TBS play-by-play announcer Chip Caray made his most memorable — and confusing — call of the postseason Sunday night, declaring that the Minnesota Twins had advanced to the ALCS thanks to a three-game sweep of the New York Yankees.

"And that's it!" shouted Caray following Minneosota's final out in the bottom of the ninth inning. "The Twins have upset the mighty Yankees! And on they go to the ALCS where they will take on the Pittsburgh Pirates for the Stanley Cup!"

Caray's call left his partner, color guy Ron Darling, dumbfounded — "Even for Chip it was a bad call," said Darling — and led to confusing post-game interviews.

"Joe Nathan, you have been on a roll lately. How did you shut down the potent Yankees offense?" Caray asked the struggling closer postgame.

"Is that supposed to be sarcastic?" replied Nathan.

"Fisted!" responded Caray.

Following his interview with the confused Nathan, Caray took a gentler approach with Alex Rodriguez, who hit two big home runs in the short series.

"Alex, another playoff series, same problems," said Caray. "How can you explain your postseason struggles?"

"Well, Chip, I feel like I overcame some of those in this series, as you may have noticed," said Rodriguez. "I hit two home runs."

"Were any of them fisted?" asked Caray.

"Umm. No, I don't think so," said Rodriguez.

"Well, then I probably missed them," replied Caray. "Do you still play for the Mariners?"

TBS Sports president Jack Holley said he was sorry that the network stuck the nation with Caray.

"I lost a poker game to his grandfather 15 years ago and he made me promise I'd keep Chip employed," said Holley. "And our only other option was George Lopez. I figured this was a fair trade. I was wrong."

Alex Rodriguez crushed a grand slam home run into the upper deck last night before a capacity crowd at Yankee Stadium, but later that inning his feat was quickly upstaged when teammate Derek Jeter hit baseball's first-ever five-run homer.

Jeter's blast flew clean out of the stadium and hit the facing of a highrise several block away. On impact the ball hit a downspout, breaking it open and freeing an adorable puppy that had been trapped inside.

"It's tough playing on the same team as Derek sometimes," said a noticeably disappointed Rodriguez. "He always manages to grab the spotlight. That's okay, though. Part of me just wants to win."

Jeter's blast also came in the bottom of the sixth inning during a little-known Yankees charity sponsorship that donates $1 million to youth organizations should a Yankees player be the second to hit a four (or more) run home run in the sixth inning.

"I'm going to eat tonight because of Derek Jeter," said one homeless child. "Derek Jeter saved my life."

But Jeter, ever the team player, was sure to credit Rodriguez.

"If he hadn't hit that four-run homer first, my five-run homer wouldn't have meant anything for charity," said the Yankee captain. "It still would have been unbelievably awesome, just not as unbelievably awesome."

Both Yankees stars received standing ovations from the crowd for their home runs, but Jeter's compelled all of the fans in handicapped seating to stand and applaud, as well.

"Derek Jeter gave me the use of my arms and legs," cried one fan who has been paralyzed since birth. "He is a wonderful man and, more important, a true Yankee!"

Rodriguez says he is just happy to have done his part to get the win and knows there are more important things in life than fan adoration.

"I'm just enjoying life and enjoying my relationship with my beautiful girlfriend, Kate Hudson," Rodriguez said, holding Hudson's hand as Jeter motorboated Minka Kelly a few steps behind him.