Filed Under » New York Jets

Newlywed Kim Kardashian-Humphries has delayed her honeymoon with her husband, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries, in order to try to strike up a romance with Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez.

"Life is about always improving yourself, and I will never stop trying to improve my Q-rating," said Kardashian. "Mark Sanchez is much more famous than my guy is and I need to pursue this. If it doesn't work out, and if someone like Santonio Holmes or Darrelle Revis isn't available, I'll meet my husband Kevin somewhere for a honeymoon."

After jumping from relationship to relationship with various athletes, including well-known NFL players Reggie Bush and Miles Austin in the past, Kardashian admits she settled for an obscure NBA role player who lives in Newark.

"For as long as I can remember, my dream has been to marry an NFL star who plays for a top-notch team," said Kardashian. "But I'm almost 31 years-old and I've been cycling through these guys fast without a ring. I'm 10 years older than most of the girls I'm competing with, so I needed to lock something in before it was too late."

But now that Kardashian has an athlete in the bank, she's taking the opportunity to trade up.

"I have feelings for Keith, but Mark would be a significant upgrade," said Kardashian. "He's richer, younger and more famous. That's true love for me. And 'Kardchez' is a much better couple name than 'Humpdashian.'"

According to several sources and also people just playing the odds, outspoken New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan is about to say something. And while no one can be 100-percent sure as to just what is going to come out of his mouth, all indications point to it being incredibly stupid.

The source cites the fact that Ryan has contracted his cartoonishly large stomach and filled his lungs with enough breath to conceivably pass through his vocal chords, an evolutionary process generally befitting a human being who is about to form sounds, as evidence that Rex Ryan is about to say something. As to why it's assumed the content of his speech will be asinine in nature, the source referenced the fact Rex Ryan is a f—king idiot who says stupid things literally all the time.

Speculation has already begun over what exactly Ryan is going to say. According to an ESPN.com InstaPoll, 20-percent of those questioned feel he'll make a baseless prediction regarding the Jets' success in the upcoming season, with 35-percent predicting he'll continue his long-standing tradition of launching into an expletive-laden tirade about something no one even asked him about. The remaining 45-percent assume he'll insult an opponent who has enjoyed infinitely more success than Ryan has up to this point in their respective NFL career.