Picture Tim Tebow Scares Babies
That baby is scared he'll awkwardly throw him to the ground.
Opinion The Story of Tim Tebow's Birth
Picture Rex Ryan Wears Classy T-Shirts
Maybe he'd be a better softball coach.
"It beats me why they're here," said head coach Rex Ryan. "Everyone knows I like to talk a big game publicly, but I'm not an idiot. I know football. And this team has almost nothing going for it. Major issues at quarterback, no elite talents at the offensive skill positions, an aging and overrated defense. Those are the facts. There are so many other, better teams out there that should be talked about before us. I guess it just goes to show you how little the sports media knows about football."
Yet the Jets' impending lousy season has not prevented reporters being stacked five and six deep along the perimeter of every practice.
"At first I thought they were here to make fun of me and Tim [Tebow]," said quarterback Mark Sanchez. "But it seems they're covering us as an actual story. Like we'll actually have an impact on the 2012 NFL season beyond giving wins to a lot of teams. It's insane. Hopefully they'll move on when we're 1-4 in early October and let us lose in peace."
They should both be called "Backup."
"We want to win a championship for ourselves," said Thunder coach Scott Brooks. "But I'm not going to tell you that not unleashing 24/7 Jets coverage on the nation isn't additional motivation. We know America is counting on us to save them."
James believes that the national fear of Tebow coverage without the "Will LeBron ever win a ring?" story to balance it out is part of the reason he is hated by so many.
"I never committed any crimes. I'm not a bad guy, yet I'm hated more than anyone in sports," said James. "If people don't want me to win a championship because it will result in more Tebow coverage, well I can completely understand that."
Jesus drank wine with people, Tebow gives wine to the homeless. Not a story.
Goddam snacks have more calories than regular snacks.
Tweet of the Week
Someone even more positive than Tim Tebow is running the Jets' Twitter account
News Despondent Tim Tebow Questioning the Existence of God After First Official Day as a New York Jet
"Tim is in a very dark place right now," said his brother, Robbie Tebow. "He's not sure if there's anything to live for or if there is any good in the world. This is new for him. He's questioning everything and the only answers he's finding our hopelessness and despair. The Jets have killed his soul."
The quarterback's brother admits he saw this coming.
"Ever since he was a little kid, Tim had an unshakeable faith in Jesus Christ. Everyone who knew him knew he walked the walk and was sincere in his faith," said Robbie. "But when I found out he got traded to the Jets, well I can't say I didn't expect this. I really don't see how it's possible to be a Jet and live with Christ's joy. God is powerful, but even the creator of the universe is weak in the face of that level of failure and debauchery."
Tebow reported to the Jets team facility Monday morning in his usual upbeat, outgoing manner, shaking hands and laughing with teammates. But not five minutes later, a change in mood started to appear.