News Jets Name Tim Tebow First-String Decoy
"Tim is an important part of this team," said head coach Rex Ryan. "There's not another guy on this team I'd want to force our opponent to prepare for a little bit, only to not play in a game at all. In my opinion, he's the best player in the NFL when it comes to not playing."
As first-string decoy, Tebow will get to stand in front of all of the other Jets' bench players, right on the edge of the field. He will also wear his helmet at all times, as though he is about to enter the game at any moment.
"It's obviously nice when your coaches recognize your abilities," said Tebow. "I'm pretty excited to wear my helmet and it is my goal to be the best decoy in the National Football League. I hope to go the the Pro Bowl this year as the AFC's decoy."
Picture It's to Give a Fair Shot to Tim Rex Tebow Grossman
Granted, Rex Grossman has proven to be a failure, but high-level logic is a post-graduate course at Florida.
Picture One Thing All Americans Agree On: Mark Sanchez is Terrible
His awfulness unites us all.
Picture Mark Sanchez ButtFumble Jersey
If he buys a jersey for every classic Jets' failure, he'll have no money left.
Picture Mark Sanchez's Note-to-Self After Getting Benched
He better not let Tebow see him writing F.
Picture Basic Economics Says the Jets Suck
History also says the Jets suck. Really any class does.
Video Jets Fans Tell the Jets How Much They Suck Heading Into Halftime
You know, their analysis is actually right on point.
News More Than 12 Jets Players Receive a Gift Basket from a "Mark S."
"Mark S.? Do I know a Mark S.?" Jets lineman Matt Slauson, who was quoted ripping Tim Tebow's abilities the previous day, wondered aloud. "Who is this from?"
Jets' starting quarterback Mark Sanchez then began clearing his throat loudly and winking in Slauson's direction.
"Oh. Right. Mark SSSSSS.," Slauson said, noticing Sanchez trying to catch his attention. "Gotta love Mark S."
The 12-plus gift baskets suspiciously matched the same number of Jets who anonymously spoke to the New York Daily News yesterday and had negative things to say about Tebow. Sanchez said he didn't make the connection.
"Oh, really? I didn't even see any gift baskets. Gift baskets? I didn't get one. If I was giving out gift baskets, wouldn't I give one to myself? It doesn't even make sense," he said, refusing to make eye contact. "And what's this news story you're talking about? I don't follow the news. And I definitely wasn't one of the 'more than 12' who said negative things about Tim, if that's even what the news story you're referring to was about."
