The charisma is strong in that one.
"Dadgummit, Peyton! When will you learn?" Archie yelled, after his middle son set up the Ravens to win the game with an awful interception in Denver territory. "Eli! Get over here, boy!"
Archie then plucked Eli off the couch, where he had been coloring in a Transformers coloring book, and began spanking his bottom. By the time Ravens kicker Justin Tucker's game-winning kick sailed through the uprights, little Eli was left crying in the corner of the room his mother, Olivia, trying to soothe him with an offer of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"Archie has always loved Peyton the most, everyone knows that," said Olivia. "Peyton is the most talented and Archie had the highest hopes for him. So he gets angry when Peyton fails. And he can't seem to stop from taking out that frustration on poor, little, innocent Eli."
The Manning Family patriarch said he wishes he hadn't spanked Eli.
"Peyton just tries so dang hard and can't seem to win anything unless Rex Grossman is facing him," said Archie. "And then you see Eli there with two Super Bowl rings. Eli, who is slow-witted and doesn't even like football. Eli, who would rather spend his days coloring and looking for butterflies than playing football. Eli, who has basically had only two good months in his whole career. Two Super Bowl rings. It just it just makes me so angry. I'm sorry, but I have to go spank him again."
Put it with the other sports records that will never be broken.
History also says the Jets suck. Really any class does.
ELITE at giving terrible interviews?
Picture The Most ELI MANNING FACE Ever
Nothing terrifies him more than his chosen occupation of football.
His soul was intercepted.
"After the show ended, everyone was cheering and I saw him run towards the crowd. I thought he was gonna give high fives or something but then I saw him jump," said one traumatized audience member in attendance. "And then the bones oooh the snapping of the bones. I'll never be able to unhear those sounds."
Strahan, the 6'5", 275 lb. former defensive end, jumped into the crowd in an act similar to the Lambeau Leap, and while the surprised crowd of mainly middle aged housewives and retirees initially tried supporting the Pro Bowlers weight, it was just a matter of time before they gave way.
"It was horrific," said John Stamos, the show's second guest. "And he was smiling the whole time. He didn't even realize what happened until he got up."
Picture Maine Hates the New York Giants
They have to stick with those from their fellow dong-shaped states.