Picture New Orleans Saints Have Flaming Gas
You'd think they'd win more with fire shooting out of their butts.
Picture New Orleans Saints Fans Vote "Nay" on Roger Goodell
It's hard to trust this. Most Louisiana elections are rigged.
Picture Sean Payton Playing Bongos
He's hitting them with a stick? There must be a bounty on them.
News Bill Parcells: "I will consider coaching a veteran-laden playoff team for five months in exchange for several million dollars"
"As long as the core of last year's 13-3 team returns, especially Drew Brees and all of those great receivers – and if it's guaranteed I would only have to show up for the start of training camp in late July through the end of the season, so the first week of February at the latest," said Parcells. "And if I am promised the going rate for an NFL head coach, which is several million dollars for a season, I will think carefully about doing a favor for Sean and coaching this team."
Payton says he is grateful that Parcells is considering the job.
"For him to even be thinking about it shows what kind of guy he is," said Payton. "But I would expect nothing less from Bill. I remember when we coached together, he would do anything for you. One time I had an appointment and needed someone to watch my kids. Now, my kids were all grown up or in college at the time. They were completely self-sufficient. But if they called the office, I wanted someone to say where I was. Anyway, Bill promised to do that for me after I gave him $700."
News Report: Several Saints Players May Still be in the Field and Ready to Strike, Unaware Bounty Program is Over
"We don't keep in daily contact with all of our players during the offseason. It's their time to get away," said a source on the Saints coaching staff. "Many of them probably still have no idea that the bounty program is at an end. They don't know that they no longer need to be trying to hurt people. I just hope they hear soon before something happens."
There is precedent for the situation in which the Saints find themselves. A Japanese soldier on a small island in the Philippines continued fighting World War II until 1974, not knowing the war had ended. Similarly, months after Buddy Ryan was let go as Philadelphia Eagles head coach in 1990, an Eagles linebacker blindsided Cowboys quarterback Troy Aikman at a Dallas supermarket.
Video Man-Breasted Bobby Hebert Believes There is a Vast Conspiracy Targeting the Saints
The NFL, which launched the investigation, is part of a huge conspiracy against one of its own teams. Got it.
Picture Gregg Williams' Side Job as Karate Instructor
He better hope Mr. Miyagi doesn't work at the league office.
Poll How should the NFL punish the Saints over the team's bounty program?
- offer Saints players $5,000 apiece for injuring the parties responsible for the program
- fine the organization a large sum and send a message to other teams in the league by also fining James Harrison an even larger sum
- force them to clean up vomit-strewn Bourbon Street while elderly prostitutes flash them
- require the Saints to permanently employ the craptastic Gregg Williams as their defensive coordinator
- destroy all the evidence of the program and then pretend it never happened and then a year or so later refer to the Saints as a "model NFL organization," because that has worked so well before
