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Six Aaron Hernandez Jurors Dismissed After Admitting to Previously Being Shot by Aaron Hernandez

The Aaron Hernandez trial has been delayed after six jurors who had already been seated for the trial admitted to having been previously shot by the former Patriots tight end.  Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Daniel Tosh is Not a Fan of the Patriots

Really, almost no one is a fan of the Patriots. He just gets to share his hate on TV. Continue Reading →
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Rob Gronkowski Pretending He’s Drunk and Shirtless at 4 AM Because His Team Won the Super Bowl

New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski has been partying non-stop since the Patriots won the Super Bowl Sunday night, an accomplishment a drunk Gronkowski said of this morning ... Continue Reading →
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Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady: “I’m going to keep living my completely awesome life that’s better than Disneyland”

Super Bowl XLIX MVP Tom Brady slightly altered the traditional MVP winner’s line of “I’m going to Disneyland!” Sunday night by announcing that he will instead ... Continue Reading →
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Honest NFL Headlines: Super Bowl

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Patriots Win Record Fourth Asterisked Super Bowl

The New England Patriots successfully won another asterisked Super Bowl against the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX, the franchise’s record fourth forever-tarnished championship. ... Continue Reading →
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VIDEO: Rob Gronkowski and Marshawn Lynch Playing “Mortal Kombat X” with Conan

Beast Mode is a good name for a video game. Continue Reading →
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Patriots Fire Longtime Director of Football Cheating

The New England Patriots today announced they have parted ways with David Granger, the team’s Director of Football Cheating since 2000, and the man thought by many to be the ... Continue Reading →

Bill Belichick Excited to Unveil His Latest Scientific Research on a Memory-Erasing Device

New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick says he has really grown to love science since spending a day last week with team staffers testing the PSI of footballs in various temperatures. ... Continue Reading →
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Rogue Patriots Ball Boy Said to Have Been Influenced by Deflating Video Games and Rap Music About Deflation

The rogue ball boy who single-handedly took it upon himself to deflate the New England Patriots footballs for years without the knowledge of head coach Bill Belichick or star quarterback ... Continue Reading →
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UGGs Drops Tom Brady as QB Hits Most Humiliating Low in Human History

Embattled New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has been dropped by women’s shoe manufacturer UGGs, hitting what many are calling the lowest low and person could ever reach. Continue Reading →
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Tom Brady Hopeful His Legacy as a Cheater Isn’t Forever Tainted by Being a Liar

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady addressed allegations at a press conference Thursday that he played in the AFC Championship Game with illegally deflated footballs. Continue Reading →
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BREAKING: Patriots Banned from Super Bowl After NFL Determines They Didn’t Deflate Balls with NFL’s Official Brand of Air Pump

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has announced that the New England Patriots will be banned from Super Bowl XLIX against the Seahawks after a league investigation determined the team deflated ... Continue Reading →
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Bill Belichick vows “swift justice” for whoever failed to deflate 12th football

New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick said today that he is just as upset and angry as everyone else is over the latest news about his team, and will make sure there is “swift ... Continue Reading →
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Flowchart: Are the New England Patriots CHEATING?!?!

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Glendale, Ariz., Residents Say They’d be Okay with a Giant Fireball Destroying Patriots-Seahawks Super Bowl

Although they realize that a giant fireball wiping out University of Phoenix Stadium and Super Bowl XLIX could mean the end of their own lives, residents of Glendale, Ariz., say they ... Continue Reading →
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Brash Gronkowski Vows: “I have learned all the rules on what constitutes a completed catch”

New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski made one of the boldest claims in NFL history today, saying he has read and completely comprehends all of the NFL rules on what constitutes ... Continue Reading →
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PICTURE: Coach Takes Tom Brady for a Walk During Game on a Leash

Sometimes Gisele is busy and needs others to walk her little pet. Continue Reading →