Filed Under » Ndamukong Suh

Subway announced today that the sandwich chain is set to release a new sub made with human flesh, named the “Soylent Club”, which will be marketed exclusively with Subway spokesman and ultra-violent Detroit Lions star Ndamukong Suh.

The basic sandwich will include provolone cheese, lettuce and tomato, topped with a generous portion of human flesh. Next on the sandwich is a secret sauce, which appears to be blood and ground-up human entrails with a pinch of oregano.

“It’s not a typical club sandwich, as there’s no bacon, mayonnaise or toast,” said Subway spokesman Jeff Tillway. “But it is a club sandwich in that Ndamukong beat to death all of the people whose meat we’re using with a club. I’ve never seen an athlete get more involved or enjoy working with us more than Ndamukong did. Once the blood started flying, he just kept laughing harder and harder.”

The NFL draft hype has begun. While scouts will break down every little thing about each player — how fast he runs, how high he jumps, how he conducts himself in an interview — they should not forget to mine the valuable football information that comes from photos.

Today SportsPickle presents the photo scouting report on Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska.

Suh is 6-4, 300 pounds and many teams fear he will get too big due to his large frame and love of chocolate marble cake.

Many organizations suspect Suh got illegal goods and services while at Nebraska and worry those allegations could plague his NFL career.

Suh associates with known killers, an obvious red flag to any NFL team.

Some teams fear Suh is uncoachable due to his history of giving wet willies to those in charge.

Suh’s girlfriend has said the couple will only sign with a team near the coast.

Despite some of his drawbacks, Suh is loved in Nebraska and one farmer even plowed his crops so they would look like Suh from above.