Does anyone know if Taiwan is real?
Donald Trump wants to see Manti Te'o's birth certificate.
He loved her for her personality.
"This is incredibly embarrassing to talk about, but over an extended period of time, I developed an emotional relationship with recruits I met online," said head coach Brian Kelly. "We maintained what I thought to be an authentic relationship by communicating frequently online and on the phone, and I grew to care deeply about them. To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone's sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and humiliating."
The hoax leaves Notre Dame without a single recruit for 2013, a development that will greatly impact the depth and future of the program.
"I smelled something fishy months ago," said one recruiting expert. "Notre Dame had a good season, but it was still their first good season in decades. There was no reason they should have been getting recruits of that level over one good season. Still, though, I didn't expect anything like this."
Kelly reportedly began receiving recruiting tapes from supposed high school stars in the late summer. He was wowed by what he saw and followed up with the "recruits," who quickly committed to Notre Dame. It turns out the highlights were of other players and that all the names were fictional. Investigators believe the hoax was perpetrated by a man in Tuscaloosa, Ala., named Nick.
Should have put that ad in a Michigan newspaper.
He may be, but at least he didn't pick Notre Dame to beat Alabama.
- the player -- players know what their bodies can handle, even if their decision-making abilities are possibly slightly impaired by being shot up with enough painkillers to kill a hippopotamus
- head coach -- head coaches are just great at keeping sports in their proper perspective in life, so it's really doubtful they'd ever put a player in harm's way over what is essentially just a meaningless game
- medical staff -- instead of playing sports their whole lives like real men, these nerds learned all about science and medicine so they're, like, experts on this crap
- other -- maybe the decision should be given to an independent third party, like sports radio hosts or fans chanting "PUS-SY! PUS-SY! PUS-SY!"