"Tackling will make basketball more competitive and fan-friendly and more like a real sport like you know, football," said SEC commissioner Mike Slive. "We are excited about the change and confident that the SEC will be the premier conference for college footsketball."
The SEC also sent an official request to the NCAA to universally adopt tackling in college basketball. "We hope you will consider our proposal," reads the request, addressed to NCAA president Mark Emmert. "If you do not, we will simply know that you are pussies who fear the SEC dominating another sport. Your call." The letter to the NCAA is then signed: "Sincerely, S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!"
The conference is currently dead-last in conference RPI among BCS conferences and is also behind several non-BCS conferences. Florida is the only SEC school ranked in the Top 20 and usual SEC stalwart Kentucky is 12-6 and in danger of missing the NCAA Tournament.
"Basketball, how it currently is played, is really dumb," said Slive. "I've long felt that way, but this season has only further cemented those feelings for me."
Maybe parts of them are fake.
Picture Te'o Sex Position
Solo sex is the safest sex.
Does anyone know if Taiwan is real?
Donald Trump wants to see Manti Te'o's birth certificate.
He loved her for her personality.
"This is incredibly embarrassing to talk about, but over an extended period of time, I developed an emotional relationship with recruits I met online," said head coach Brian Kelly. "We maintained what I thought to be an authentic relationship by communicating frequently online and on the phone, and I grew to care deeply about them. To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone's sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and humiliating."
The hoax leaves Notre Dame without a single recruit for 2013, a development that will greatly impact the depth and future of the program.
"I smelled something fishy months ago," said one recruiting expert. "Notre Dame had a good season, but it was still their first good season in decades. There was no reason they should have been getting recruits of that level over one good season. Still, though, I didn't expect anything like this."
Kelly reportedly began receiving recruiting tapes from supposed high school stars in the late summer. He was wowed by what he saw and followed up with the "recruits," who quickly committed to Notre Dame. It turns out the highlights were of other players and that all the names were fictional. Investigators believe the hoax was perpetrated by a man in Tuscaloosa, Ala., named Nick.
Should have put that ad in a Michigan newspaper.