He will now be slaughtered for his significant hide.
Picture VCU Coaches Play Connect Four
That must be their secret. Soon every team will play this on the bench.
In one shining moment, you'll sing in another octave.
News Harvard Player's Mother Hoping Her Son Doesn't Take NBA Player Job Over Chance to Make "Real Money" as a Hedge Fund Manager
"I'm fine that he has a little hobby," said Claire Rivard. "But hobbies don't pay the bills. At least not the bills on a third home in Vail or a fleet of private jets. I've looked at what NBA players make and the average salary is only a few million a year. Even the best players top out around $30 million or so with endorsements. It's no way to live."
Mrs. Rivard says she recently sat her son down and had a talk without him.
"He wasn't very receptive," she said. "He has this dream to play in the NBA. You know who put that into his head? That Jeremy Lin. His parents must be humiliated. He could have been a brain surgeon and he's playing basketball somewhere in Texas. The shame that family must have. I simply want my son to do something with his life."
"Nothing motivates us like a good baby roasting," said senior forward Mason Plumlee. "It's part of what makes Duke unique and something that drew us all here."
The Blue Devils are in Philadelphia for the opening rounds of the Tournament and selected their baby after returning to their hotel last night from a team dinner.
"A homeless woman in an alley beside our hotel had a baby that was the perfect size," said Krzyzewski. "It reminded me of the baby we sacrificed before our 2010 championship. Plus, the baby was homeless, so it obviously was not committed to excellence. No one will miss it."
Once the baby is sacrificed tonight after the team's walk-through, the child will be placed on a spit and roasted. After the team's film session, each player and staff member will partake of the baby's flesh.
Picture Fan NCAA Bracket Shirt
Screw you, jerk.
1. The Indiana Hoosiers are a No. 1 seed, but they are just two years removed from going 12-20, three years removed from going 10-21 and four years removed from going 6-25. Can a program really turn around that fast? All the way to a national title? Or even the Final Four? Maybe you should have them going out early in your bracket. Maybe.
2. Is this the year a 16-seed wins? There has never been this much parity in college basketball. Correctly picking a 16-seed to beat a 1-seed would give you a HUGE leg up in winning your tournament pool. Have to take a risk sometimes, right? Who knows, maybe even two 16-seeds might win this year. It could happen. Picking two upsets that big would almost assure you of winning your pool. Granted, if zero 16-seeds win, you'd be out of the pool before the weekend even arrives. Hmm.
3. A 5-seed is always a sure bet to lose to a 12-seed. Usually.
4. If a major conference team just won their conference tournament, you know they come into the NCAA Tournament with momentum. On the other hand, they may have peaked a week too early and could be tired.
5. Think about picking a team to win it all with blue in its uniform. A team with some blue has won nine consecutive NCAA titles. Nine! That has to mean something, right? Although it might just be a total coincidence. Who can really say for sure? No one. Still. Nine years in a row.
6. Trends are weird because sometimes they just suddenly end.
7. Teams with Tournament experience are good bets. Also, teams without Tournament experience can do well because they just play instinctively and may not even realize the stage they're on. It sort of depends on the team.
8. A team you never even considered as a contender always ends up making a run. So consider a team you have never considered. At that point you will have considered them, though, meaning the whole thing could be messed up.
Sometimes being desperate for attention is actually entertaining.