Playlist Air balls. Air balls! AIR BALLS!!
- your dad would complain even more about how sports used to be better
- halftimes would last waaaaaay longer
- eye-catching uniforms like Oregon's would eventually be banned so players don't spend all game staring at them
- college programs in states with legalized pot would get all of the best recruits, but the players would ultimately decide to just relax and get liberal arts degrees
- the X-Games would be exactly the same, but maybe a little less paranoid
From a list of more than 75 athletes, SportsPickle asked readers to vote on who is the biggest douchebag in sports. After 369,097 votes, here are the results.
#25 Mark Cuban
Mark Cuban is proof that money can't buy you non-doucheitude. In fact, all it does is allow you to afford more graphic tees and rounds of beer for your bros. Cuban has a long way to go, though. In a billionaire douche-off, he would get routed by Donald Trump.
#24 Sean Avery
Coming in at No. 24, Avery is the highest-ranked hockey player on the list. When you beat out Patrick Kane in a douche competition, you know you've achieved greatness in the field of douchery.
#23 Kellen Winslow, Jr.
The national dislike of Kellen Winslow, Jr.: Forever proof that America doesn't support all of its troops.
#22 John Calipari
John Calipari as douchebag: one title that will never be stripped from him.
#21 Tony Romo
His time with Jessica Simpson and love of stupid hats secured his place on the list. It's his greatest career accomplishment besides that one playoff win.
Toplist The Biggest Douchebag in Sports
Sports are full of douchebags. Sports always award championships. But the title of "Biggest Douchebag in Sports" has never been awarded. That ends now.
- Yes - if the athlete is going against me in fantasy that week
- Maybe - depends on how cool of an injury it is. Sprained ankle? No. Compound fracture? Standing ovation.
- Never - I only boo athletes I hate. If you cheer for any reason they can get confused and think you like them.
It's a Kentucky-Louisville thing. You luckily wouldn't understand.
1. "It was all politics"
You think our country is a political nightmare? You should have seen this guy's high school. The athletic department was rife with "politics." And because of these vague "politics," this guy didn't get the playing time he deserved. Why would any coach keep a superstar athlete who could make his team win off the field? "Politics, man. Politics." Oh.
Where he is now: Getting passed over for promotions at work because of "office politics, man. Office politics."
2. "My coach was an idiot"
How incompetent was this head coach? He made the second-coming of Michael Jordan into a career backup who averaged 3.4 points a game as a senior. That is truly some poor coaching.
Where he is now: Working for an idiot boss.
3. "If it wasn't for my injury, things would have been different"
Bo Jackson, Sandy Koufax, this guy: amazing athletes who had their careers cut short due to injury. If it wasn't for the sprained ankle he suffered in 7th grade football, pretty much every sports record in history would be owned by this tragic figure.
Where he is now: Riding around in a Jazzy Power Chair because he weighs 500 pounds/his back went out.
Americans love sports more than anything else. The party conventions got drubbed in the ratings by football. If there's anything that will decide the 2012 election, it might be how our favorite teams are doing.
The Steelers capped the 2008 season winning their NFL record sixth Super Bowl trophy. They won their fifth Super Bowl under President Bush, as well. But while playing under President Obama, the Steelers have missed the playoffs, lost in the Super Bowl and lost as the favorite in the wildcard round of the playoffs to a team quarterbacked by Tim Tebow.
It is obvious that Obama has destroyed the Steelers.
Detroit Red Wings
Detroit won the Stanley Cup in 2008 also its second during President George W. Bush's time in office. The very next year, with Obama in the White House, they lost in the Stanley Cup Finals and haven't been back since.
It can be stated that Obama's meddling in the Detroit auto industry ruined the Red Wings.
The Lions went an NFL all-time worst 0-16 in 2008. They never won more than seven games in any of Bush's years in office. Yet since Obama's term began, the Lions have seen their win totals climb from two to four to 10, including a playoff birth last season.
There is no greater evidence that President Obama has taken Detroit from the very bottom and put it on the path to longterm success.
Calhoun steps down with 873 career victories and three national titles but says his greatest accomplishment as a head coach was "crushing the joy out of countless young men."
"So many 18 year-old players show up on campus and they want to have fun and make friends and enjoy themselves," said Calhoun. "That's not what basketball is about. It's about tearing out all of that happiness and positivity and that youthful carefree attitude until all that is left is robotic, joyless, basketball fundamentals. It's the reason I angrily crawled out of bed every morning."
Without the October to April grind of the season and recruiting, Calhoun said he will have a lot more free time.
"I think retirement and free time is for losers, but here we are," he said. "I hate everyone, myself included. At least I'm consistent, unlike the hypocrites that make up the rest of the human parasite race."
People say I can't be a vegan. But all Mario ate was flowers and mushrooms and look how big & strong he was. Plus he could spit fireballs. Arian Foster (@ArianFoster) August 28, 2012
Our coaches passion for us enabled me and many more like me to always aspire for greatness! He never stopped believing g in us. I am licky Frank Martin (@FrankMartin_SC) August 25, 2012