Opinion We've Seen Your Junk. Now What? -- An Athlete's Guide
The life of the rich and powerful seems glamorous. Money, fame, women. But it's also very easy to have pictures of your junk plastered all over the internet.
U.S. congressman Anthony Weiner is not the first this has happened to. Pro athletes like Santonio Holmes, Grady Sizemore, Greg Oden and Brett Favre came before him. If you are a professional athlete and have your nudie pics leaked to the Internet — or accidentally tweet them out to your thousands of followers — what should you do?
1. Take legal action — Have your attorney contact the website that first published the photos to threaten legal action if they are not removed. The photos you took of your junk were not intended for public consumption. They were intended for the love of your life: that girl you hooked up with at the club earlier in the night. Heather. Or Shontelle. Whatever her name was. The one with the nice, fake jugs and the pierced clitoris.
2. Apologize to the public — There's no use pretending the photo isn't all over the world. May as well just come out and apologize. It will make you look like a big man. (Well, even bigger man.) Follow the lead of Oden. He apologized the same day his photos hit the internet, and even tried to stay lighthearted about it with this line on 95.5 The Game in Portland: "Those pictures were taken and sent over a year and a half ago. I've definitely grown since then." No, really. He actually said that. Any PR expert will tell you: If you can apologize for your dong shots AND mention how big you are down below at the same time, you're doing it right.
Picture Great American PhotoBombs George Lopez
It's funny because George Lopez isn't funny.
Poll Who do you think is the greatest basketball player of all-time?
- Lebron James -- I was born in 2003. I also believe that "Transformers 2" is the greatest movie of all-time.
- Larry Bird -- I am so white that I have to use prescription sunscreen.
- Kobe Bryant -- If not him, then Magic Johnson or some other Laker. Those are the two I've heard of. Wait ... is Lamar Gasol-Jabbar a guy?
- Michael Jordan -- Who am I to question the sports wisdom of actor Jason Segel in the 2011 summer comedy "Bad Teacher"?
- Wilt Chamberlain -- Just because big guys can't shoot, pass or dribble as well as everyone else doesn't mean we should leave them out of the discussion.
- Oscar Robertson -- I'm the annoying guy at parties who tries too hard to sound smart.
- Cheryl Miller -- I'm the even more annoying guy at parties who tries even harder to sound smart by making every debate like this "relative"
Video Lebron Plays Great Defense on Reporter's Dumb Question
"And a follow up: 'Will you now give me a wedgie?'"
June 3, 2011 Column
Tweet of the Week
Shane Battier's Musical Tastes Are Pretty Hardcore for a Duke Grad
Opinion The First Annual Athlete Spelling Bee
- Bee Master
Welcome to the 2011 Athlete Spelling Bee. Let's get started. Mr. Chad Ochocinco, you are first to go.
- Ochocinco
I'm ready.
- Bee Master
Okay. Your word is "shaking".
- Ochocinco
"Shaking". Can you use it in a sentence?
- Bee Master
"I am shaking my damn head."
- Ochocinco
Shaking. S-.
- Bee Master
Wait. You're done?
- Ochocinco
Yes. Shaking is spelled "S". And for extra credit, "my damn head" is spelled M-D-H.
- Bee Master
You are wrong. Next speller. Ben Roethlisberger?
- Roethlisberger
Hit me.
- Bee Master
Your word is "no".
- Roethlisberger
No. Y-E-S. No.
- Bee Master
Wrong. Very wrong. Tim Tebow? You're next.
