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Los Angeles Lakers center Andrew Bynum says he feels 100-percent for Game 6 of the NBA Finals after having a substantial quantity of fluid drained from his penis last night in a procedure in the parking lot outside of a Santa Monica Cheseecake Factory.

"I wish I had this done before," said Bynum, sitting in his Escalade after the fluid was drained. "I feel amazing. My knee feels amazing. Everything feels amazing."

While Bynum's recent knee drainings were performed by Lakers team physician Dr. Steve Lombardo, the penis draining was conducted by Tara, a USC student who introduced herself to Bynum in the Cheesecake Factory bathroom hallway.

"Or maybe her name was Mandy and she goes to Pepperdine," said Bynum. "I can't remember. That could have been her friend. Either way, I got her cell number — I put her name in my phone as 'Cheesecake Girl'. I think I'll give her a call later today. I'm feeling more fluid buildup."

Jenny, the UCLA student who did the procedure on Bynum, says she hopes her work enables Bynum to play better.

"I'm a huge Lakers fan and I want them to win!" she said. "That's why I've done the same procedure on Ron Artest, Luke Walton, Kobe and Adam Morrison."

Local restaurateur Sun Ho Chin didn’t think much of his decision to change the price of his Beef Chow Mein to $4.50, nor did he consider the ramifications of charging an extra 15 cents for every packet of duck sauce. But when word of the new menu that was posted to a bulletin board outside the Boston Celtics locker room reached the players, sparks flew immediately.

“He did what?” said center Kendrick Perkins when reporters informed him of the price change. “Are you serious? Fifteen cents for a packet of duck sauce? No no no, that shit don’t fly with us. We’ll see what happens when we think about ordering the post-game meal. You don’t go run your prices like that during the NBA Finals and expect to get off scott free.”

Head coach Doc Rivers attempted to diffuse the situation by simply laughing it off as another example of, “Ho Chin being Ho Chin”, but his players weren’t buying it.

“Just because he’s always doing outrageous things like this, like riding around on bike, doesn’t make them excusable,” said guard Ray Allen. "You have to pay for your actions."

After enduring taunts of “Hooo Chiiiin” and onslaughts of nickels and dimes thrown at him from the afternoon lunch crowd, the Golden Pagoda owner backtracked on the decision a bit by blaming rising costs and low customer turnout as the reason for the price increase. It didn’t appear to do any good, however, as Ho Chin was met with a vicious elbow to the chin on behalf of Celtics forward Rasheed Wallace 30 seconds into last night’s post game meal. Wallace was promptly arrested for assault and battery.

“He's the Chinese delivery guy?" Wallace said. "I had no idea. He was just at elbow height so I thought it would be fun to lay him out."

In the latest move in a wave of conference realignment, league sources are reporting that the NBA’s Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, and Orlando Magic are poised to accept invitations to join the Western Conference. The same sources cite increased exposure, greater revenues, and a higher level of play as the primary reasons for the move.

“This is a big day for us,” said Celtics coach Doc Rivers. “The Eastern Conference treated us well for decades, but we want to be where the best teams are. Plus, it’s hard to get comfortable in a conference where your playoffs air on TNT. You’re always worried aLaw & Orderrerun is going to preempt one of your games.”

“I don't think this was an easy decision for this franchise,” said Magic center Dwight Howard. “I knew that unless I died or lost a leg I’d be starting the All-Star Game for the East for the next 12 years. I grew up dreaming of playing in the real NBA, though, against the best players in the world. And now I finally have a chance to do it. It's about legacy. I can only prove myself in the Western Conference.”

Cavaliers officials are hopeful that the move will help the team retain free agent superstar LeBron James. “Giant contracts are nice and all,” said one team official, bBut now we can promise LeBron that those repeated midseason trips to Detroit and Indianapolis are a thing of the past. That’s huge.”

Commissioner David Stern — who says he is now Western Conference Commissioner David Stern — says he believes the creation of a mega-conference will improve the financial picture of the NBA.

"Honestly, I have no idea what will happen to what's left of the Eastern Conference," he says. "And I really don’t care. Maybe those teams can join the Big East or something. Their names and level of play are already sort of similar.”

Meanwhile, the Eastern Conference is left scrambling to populate its ranks. The conference has considered adding the University of Kentucky from the NBA, but there are concerns about whether coach John Calipari could get his squad’s payroll under the NBA’s $57.7 million salary cap and still put a competitive team on the court.

“At this point, we’ll take any team with five players. They don’t even have to be healthy or particularly good at basketball,” said New York Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni. “If anyone has a connection with the NBDL’s Fort Wayne Mad Ants, please have them call us.”

The Boston Celtics dedicated their victory in Game 2 of the NBA Finals to former teammate and longtime NBA star Kevin Garnett, who recently passed away due to age-related causes.

"This is what Kevin would have wanted," said shooting guard Ray Allen, wiping away tears. "I just wish he could have been here to see it. I hope he knows, wherever he is, that we're playing for him."

Allen scored 32 points, including 27 in the first half, to lead the Celtics past the Lakers.

"I am 34 years old," said Allen. "A whole year older than Kevin Garnett was when he passed on. There but for the grace of God go I, you know? So if my time is short, I want to make the most of every game and play in the memory of those who are no longer with us."

The Celtics plan to play the remainder of the series with a black band on their jerseys in honor of Garnett and will also honor him before Game 3 at TD Garden by unnecessarily screaming and scowling at things in a pre-game ceremony.

The team also honored Garnett by inserting 6 points, 4 rebounds and 5 fouls into the Game 2 box score under his name.

"I just wish it could have been more," said head coach Doc Rivers. "Well, points and rebounds, at least. The fouls could have been less."

Following the game, teammates lit candles in their longtime teammate's locker.

"Hey, who the f—k lit candles in my locker?!" yelled Garnett, emerging from the shower. "I'm gonna kick somebody's ass!"

"It's almost like he's still here among us," said Allen. "You can feel his presence."

Whether David Stern likes it or not, Dwyane Wade, Lebron James and other free agents will talk about their plans for free agency. As will coaches and team owners.

And chances are, they might even organize these summits on Facebook.

Love them or hate them, the Lakers and Celtics are the NBA's premier franchises and have a historic rivalry.

Here's a look at how that rivalry grew … through pictures.