Greg Oden = Christmas Tree
Like Greg Oden, the Christmas tree starts the season tall, strong and full of promise. But before long, they're both decaying in front of your eyes and you eventually have to just put them out on the curb with the trash.
"First of all, I want to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ," said Johnson, standing in victory lane and holding up a Bible. "I couldn't have done it without Him. I have appreciated His support since Day 1. He's a great partner."
Johnson then held up a bottle of Vitamin Water and gave a similar testimony about their impact on his successful season.
"And to the folks at Vitamin Water, you're the best," Johnson exclaimed. "You quench my thirst, you nurture my body and my soul."
Video Invisible Racecar Fire
"Invisible fire, eh? Now, this 'invisible fire' wouldn't have anything to do with you not wanting toDear God you're melting."
You can take the kid out of the trailer park, but not the junk out of your pants.
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Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s struggles continued yesterday when he couldn't find the keys to his NASCAR, which prompted a late start in the Brickyard 400 and a last-place finish.
"Ah, man. I really need to get more organized," said Earnhardt. "I can't keep misplacing my keys. This is humiliating."
The driver's key is on the same key ring a bottle opener as his house key and his bonus cards for CVS Pharmacy and Best Buy. They were eventually found under a newspaper on the top of the tollet tank in the garage bathroom. But by that time Earnhardt was already several minutes late and couldn't make up the gap.
"This isn't the first time this has happened, but usually I find my keys a lot quicker," he said. "I have no idea how they got in the bathroom. They're usually on the key ring by the door or on the table."
A few of Earnhardt's teammates got him a key finder last Christmas, but he hasn't used it.
"I don't see the point," said the driver. "So there's this beeper that goes off on the key ring if I press the button on the finder. But what if I lose the finder? Losing my keys is my problem. So why would I not lose the finder? It makes no sense. Plus, I don't want that stupid thing on my key ring. It's all bulky and looks bad in my pocket."
Earnhardt was also delayed in the race because he had to pick up some dry cleaning before he got going.