Filed Under » MLB

The New York Yankees' already suspect roster is losing player after player to injury in spring training, meaning the team will be forced to open the regular season with a greatly depleted lineup. If the team falls too far behind in April and May, it will have no chance of getting back into the race even when aging stars Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson and Alex Rodriguez return.

"Holy crap. This could be awesome," said one baseball fan. "Can you imagine if the Yankees go, like, 72-90? I mean, I really think it's possible this year. They could really blow. Is 100 losses too crazy? Would that be the greatest thing ever? I think it might be the greatest thing ever."

Even with three high-priced position players missing significant time this season, the Yankees will still field a team with many big-name players. But most, if not all of those players, are well past their prime and the American League East will be competitive from top to bottom.

"I hate the Yankees so much and am so sick of hearing about them," said an American. "They're on TV constantly. But if they totally suck, I will probably watch all of their games and enjoy every second of them getting drubbed night after night."

Boston's John Farrell has decided to ban his players from working from home, the new Red Sox manager announced today.

"It's just the right decision for our particular organization right now," said Farrell. "It's not meant to make a broad statement. It's only about us. The Red Sox."

Farrell made his decision in light of the perception in recent seasons that Boston's players have been resting on their laurels instead of working to improve and win. Many showed up for only portions of fielding drills and batting practice, or stayed at home entirely and insisted they practiced there. Others, including former starter Josh Beckett, repeatedly requested to pitch in games from home or while on the golf course or while at a restaurant or bar.

"Things just go too relaxed around here," said Farrell. "I think we can improve if we all get on the same page for a little while and at least show up at the same field together and work side by side. If the players show they can be responsible and we do what we need to do, I will consider loosening the policy."

The Miami Marlins have cancelled all practices and games after the team's bat broke yesterday during a spring training exhibition against the Mets.

Miami's Giancarlo Stanton fouled off a pitch in on the hands in the fourth inning, shattering the bat and forcing the team to complete the game using just the handle. Following the game, the team decided it would cease all operations until they can get a new bat — or a used, but intact bat, as was the case with the team's previous model.

"All we can do right now is wait and hope for the best," said manager Mike Redmond. "I've put in a request to Mr. Loria for a new bat. We'll see what happens."

It's unlikely Redmond's request was met positively by Jeffrey Loria, the team owner. Wooden baseball bats, even used ones, cost in the tens of dollars. This fact is why Loria gave the team explicit instructions on the first day of spring training not to break the bat. "This is the only one you're getting all season," he reportedly told the team. "You need to learn how to respect property. Money doesn't grow on trees."

During that same address, Loria informed his players they would be getting paid this season in leaves.