Picture Catcher Falls Into Woman's Lap
How's that for a muff dive!
There's not much more that can be written about these teams at this point.
So let's see what photos have to say.
Despite being in a happy relationship with actress Kate Hudson, Yankees star Alex Rodriguez admits he struggles not to fantasize about Hudson's 54-year-old mother, actress Goldie Hawn, who Rodriguez calls "more my type physically."
Rodriguez says he finds Hawn to be "as delectable as Madonna, only more aged to perfection." Yet he says he has a good thing going with Hudson and doesn't want his lust for her mother to get in the way of that.
"Kate is only 30. Her breasts are still perky. Her ass hasn't dropped yet. She doesn't have a paunch around her waist. No gray hair. No plastic surgery yet. No smell of medicine," said Rodriguez. "But I can't hold that against here. Someday she'll have all that and hopefully more."
And it's that mind towards the future that Rodriguez wants to maintain.
"I want to find a life partner," he said. "So I need to stop being attracted to people who will die 20 years before me."
Hudson says she is willing to be patient.
"Every girl wants her boyfriend or husband to like her mother," said Hudson. "Not to the point that he wants to sleep with her and gets handsy and has an erection every time he's near her. But Alex will work through that. And as I tell him: 'Hey, I'm not getting any younger.'"
In time, Rodriguez hopes to stop calling out 'I'm going for the Goldie!' during lovemaking and says he will no longer ask Hudson to go without makeup or get massive amounts of collagen injected into her face.
"A strong relationship is about compromise," he said, "and if that means I can't hook up with Goldie Hawn, I'll have to deal with that."
Still, though, Rodriguez says he has a lot of time to daydream when the Yankees aren't playing.
"So maybe I go over to her house for Thanksgiving," says Rodriguez, "and something is undercooked that only Kate eats, so she gets food-poisoning and goes to bed. And then Kurt Russell has a film shoot, so it's just me and Goldie awake. And we get to talking and I ask her to show me her new lips, and she says 'Which ones?' And then one thing leads to another and before you know it, I have sex with a near-elderly actress. How awesome would that be?"
The League Championship Series' don't open until Thursday and Friday, meaning the players on the four teams involved are using the time off to pursue their greatest passion: facial hair growth and sculpting.
"All I could keep thinking about at the plate in the ninth inning was how much I wanted to end the series so I could get back to Philadelphia and get to work on this new thing I want to do with my goatee," said Phillies outfielder Jayson Werth, who had the series-winning hit against the Rockies. "Luckily my hit fell in and now I'm 24 hours into a star pattern soul patch."
Dodgers bearded third baseman Casey Blake already has the look he wants grown in. Now his focus is on giving it the proper size and shape.
"This is the National League Championship Series. This is a big stage," he said. "Every baseball player designs, grows, sculpts and tends his facial hair for this time of year. I don't want to look back and say I didn't put enough effort into getting exactly the right point on the tip of my beard or the perfect volume along my jaw line."
Werth says he appreciates where he is in his career.
"We're in the playoffs and I'm 30 years old now," he said. "I don't know if I would have appreciated it as much when I was younger. And I definitely know my facial hair wasn't thick enough, and didn't grow quickly enough, to do some of the kickass designs I have planned for the rest of the postseason. You have to have a veteran beard to pull these off in such a short growth period."
While some fans mock player who are still experimenting with facial hair some 10, 15 or 20 years past their teenage years, Werth laughs them off.
"Jealous. They're jealous," he said. "I know how cool my thin peach fuzz goatee looked when I was 14, and I know how cool I look now. I'm just fortunate enough to be able to show my awesome facial hair to a national audience. It's the dream of every boy growing up."
But not all players are as big into their facial hair.
"It's more of something the white guys do," says Angels outfielder Torii Hunter. "I might have a goatee for the ALCS, but I don't spend most of my day thinking about it like they do."
Or there's Phillies second baseman Chase Utley who slicks his hair back.
"My hair looks totally rad," says Utley. "But can I make it look radder? That's the question. What if I slick it back with other things? Pine tar, for example. More or less rad? I'll find out this week."
And then there are the Yankees who aren't allowed to experiment with facial hair.
"I love playing for the Yankees, but you have no idea how much I want to grow something like Jayson Werth is rocking," says Yankees outfielder Nick Swisher. "But I've found an outlet elsewhere on my body. I've sculpted my chest hair into a palm tree. And then my pubes and inner thigh hair is the root system. Obviously, it's pretty sweet."
TBS play-by-play announcer Chip Caray made his most memorable and confusing call of the postseason Sunday night, declaring that the Minnesota Twins had advanced to the ALCS thanks to a three-game sweep of the New York Yankees.
"And that's it!" shouted Caray following Minneosota's final out in the bottom of the ninth inning. "The Twins have upset the mighty Yankees! And on they go to the ALCS where they will take on the Pittsburgh Pirates for the Stanley Cup!"
Caray's call left his partner, color guy Ron Darling, dumbfounded "Even for Chip it was a bad call," said Darling and led to confusing post-game interviews.
"Joe Nathan, you have been on a roll lately. How did you shut down the potent Yankees offense?" Caray asked the struggling closer postgame.
"Is that supposed to be sarcastic?" replied Nathan.
"Fisted!" responded Caray.
Following his interview with the confused Nathan, Caray took a gentler approach with Alex Rodriguez, who hit two big home runs in the short series.
"Alex, another playoff series, same problems," said Caray. "How can you explain your postseason struggles?"
"Well, Chip, I feel like I overcame some of those in this series, as you may have noticed," said Rodriguez. "I hit two home runs."
"Were any of them fisted?" asked Caray.
"Umm. No, I don't think so," said Rodriguez.
"Well, then I probably missed them," replied Caray. "Do you still play for the Mariners?"
TBS Sports president Jack Holley said he was sorry that the network stuck the nation with Caray.
"I lost a poker game to his grandfather 15 years ago and he made me promise I'd keep Chip employed," said Holley. "And our only other option was George Lopez. I figured this was a fair trade. I was wrong."
Alex Rodriguez crushed a grand slam home run into the upper deck last night before a capacity crowd at Yankee Stadium, but later that inning his feat was quickly upstaged when teammate Derek Jeter hit baseball's first-ever five-run homer.
Jeter's blast flew clean out of the stadium and hit the facing of a highrise several block away. On impact the ball hit a downspout, breaking it open and freeing an adorable puppy that had been trapped inside.
"It's tough playing on the same team as Derek sometimes," said a noticeably disappointed Rodriguez. "He always manages to grab the spotlight. That's okay, though. Part of me just wants to win."
Jeter's blast also came in the bottom of the sixth inning during a little-known Yankees charity sponsorship that donates $1 million to youth organizations should a Yankees player be the second to hit a four (or more) run home run in the sixth inning.
"I'm going to eat tonight because of Derek Jeter," said one homeless child. "Derek Jeter saved my life."
But Jeter, ever the team player, was sure to credit Rodriguez.
"If he hadn't hit that four-run homer first, my five-run homer wouldn't have meant anything for charity," said the Yankee captain. "It still would have been unbelievably awesome, just not as unbelievably awesome."
Both Yankees stars received standing ovations from the crowd for their home runs, but Jeter's compelled all of the fans in handicapped seating to stand and applaud, as well.
"Derek Jeter gave me the use of my arms and legs," cried one fan who has been paralyzed since birth. "He is a wonderful man and, more important, a true Yankee!"
Rodriguez says he is just happy to have done his part to get the win and knows there are more important things in life than fan adoration.
"I'm just enjoying life and enjoying my relationship with my beautiful girlfriend, Kate Hudson," Rodriguez said, holding Hudson's hand as Jeter motorboated Minka Kelly a few steps behind him.