News Reports: Brian Wilson Still Has a Beard
“Yes, the beard,” said Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval. “I noticed there was hair growing out of his face. He still seems really proud of it.”
Giants pitcher Ryan Vogelsong corroborated that report.
“It is thick and darkly colored,” said the starter. “I don’t know where he comes up with it. Well, no. I guess I do. He just doesn’t shave. Man. Hilarious. Hilarious with the not shaving. What a character!”
Giants pitchers and catchers reported to training camp last weekend and Wilson immediately established his authority in the locker room.
“Whoa. Brohims. Hear this now, remember it always. The area you see before you is designated solely for the beard, El Bearderino, the Beard Dog,” he said, drawing an imaginary circle around his locker. “None shall cross it lest they find themselves in a world of black ops pain.”
“Next, some rules on how you and yours shall approach me for autographing your valuables,” Wilson continued talking, despite all of his teammates filing out of the locker room to the field to begin stretching.
Picture America's Baseball Fans Think California is Full of Pussies
Apparently Dodgers and Padres fans forgot to vote.
Opinion The 10 Smartest Athletes in Sports
#10 – Pau Gasol, PF, Los Angeles Lakers
Gasol speaks three languages fluently and attended medical school in Barcelona before starting his NBA career. Plus, like Albert Einstein and many other intellectuals, he has crazy hair; his is just on the bottom of his face in the form of a neck beard.
#9 – Jeremy Lin, PG, New York Knicks 
Lin graduated with a 3.1 GPA in Economics from Harvard. A 3.1 GPA may not be that impressive at many schools, but Harvard is not many schools. Had Lin played for someone like John Calipari, he would have been able to graduate with a double major in about 8 weeks.
So there’s no question: Lin is smart. So smart he probably can think of a million “Lin”-based puns.
News KFC Franchise in Fort Myers, Fla., Eagerly Awaiting the Start of Red Sox Spring Training
“Late February through the end of the March is by far our busiest time,” said KFC franchise manager Dale Dedmond. “And it’s all thanks to the lazy, gluttonous pig-men of the Boston Red Sox who love our food so much.”
Fort Myers has three KFC franchises, but the Palm Beach Avenue location gets the only boost in sales because “the players are obviously too lazy to go to any other KFC than the one that is the absolute closest, which is luckily mine,” says Dedmond. “They roll up on their Rascal scooters and we just hand buckets of fried chicken to them out the door and off they go, bones trailing behind them.”
Video Gary Carter: Greatest Pitcher Ever?
This woman will be remembered as one of the worst reporters of all-time.
Picture New Rays Mascot Looks More Like a Cat
This should really sell those extra 30,000 or so seats they have every night.
Opinion The 10 Biggest Flash-in-the-Pan Athletes in Sports History
10. Kevin Maas 
Mass experienced the New York media hysteria 22 years before Jeremy Lin did. A 22nd round draft pick in 1986, Maas was called up to the Yankees in late June of 1990 as a 25 year-old. The first baseman instantly exploded. Maas set a major league record for fewest at-bats to reach 10 home runs (72) and finished his season with 21 home runs in just 79 games. THE YANKEES HAD FOUND THEIR NEW BABE RUTH!
Nope. More like their new Steve Balboni.
In 1991 — in a full season — Maas hit just 23 home runs and batted .220. By 1995 his major league career was over, finishing with one home run and a .193 average as a member of the Minnesota Twins.
Where is he now?: Maas works as a financial consultant in California and regularly returns to Yankee Stadium for Old-Timers’ games, where he is no doubt forced to sit on the bench.
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