Opinion 8 Ways to Reinvigorate the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
1. Rely more on the SI brand
Sports Illustrated pumps out 50 issues year behind the reporting and feature writing of its roster of journalists and personalities and then one week decides to just completely ditch them for models in skimpy swimsuits? In the middle of NBA, NHL, and college basketball season, with spring training right around the corner? It makes no sense. What about the SI loyalists who still want to enjoy their favorite writers?
The point being: Let's see Peter King in some swim trunks drinking a Starbucks latte in the pool at the Pittsburgh Westin.
2. More PhotoShop
As beautiful as the swimsuit models are, their photos are still touched up in PhotoShop. Relying even more on PhotoShop would appeal to a younger demo, allowing SI to become the rare magazine that helps generate memes. If you're retouching some cellulite on a supermodel, why not PhotoShop a bikini onto the pepper-spraying Occupy cop?
3. New model coverings
Hot women in body paint was neat for a while, but it's old now. Let's get rid of the paint. Why not cover women in wallpaper? Or maybe spackle. If paint worked, people will want to see models in all kinds of wall coverings. SI could get Lowe's or Home Depot to sponsor it and make a mint.
Video Finally a Sport for Fans Who Run on the Field During Real Sports
Tase me, bro! I'm open!
Video The World's Largest Dodgeball Game
I trust they hit everyone with glasses right in the face. It's the whole point of dodgeball.
Picture Bull Horn to the Crotch
Is thata bull horn in your crotch or … oh, god. It's a bull horn. I'll call 9-1-1.
Video Old-Timey Rollerblading
It was even harder to tell your parents that you're gay in the olden times.
Video Cockfighting: A Brutal, Yet Hilarious Sport
It is indeed horrib- oh, I almost got that out without laughing. COCKS!
