"During a time when many people try to claim that America is no longer No. 1, that America is not exceptional, this proves that theory wrong," said President Obama. "The American waistline is as great, no greater, than it ever has been."
Data shows that 35.7% of the American population is obese.
"America is an eating dynasty," said Chinese premier Wen Jiabao. "As dominant as their Dream Team Olympic basketball team was, the USA is even better at eating. And they are only going to get better."
Jiabao pointed to the USA's remarkable youth eating program which has produced an obesity rate in American children of 17%.
"Most American kids can eat more while sitting on the couch watching a 30-minute TV show than our strongest and most active adults can eat in a single day," said Jiabao. "I can't even imagine the state of American plumbing."
His parents are just proud he's not the World Farting Champion. Unless he's also that.
"Language of origin?" "Soouth American."
Picture Fierce Rape - by Gatorade
Everyone needs to replenish their fluids after raping.
Sports have Halls of Fame for the best athletes, but the funniest names in sports history rarely receive the honor they deserve. Now you can vote for the athletes whose parents hated them the most!
Good job, humanity.