Picture Roller Derby Triplets
It's rare to find triplets who all enjoy the same sport. It's even more rare to have 3 lesbians.
If God wanted alpacas to surf, he would have made their hooves surfboards. Oh man, why didn't God do that?
Half unsweetened iced tea, half lemonade. It's a drink called an "Arnold Palmer" named for the golfer whose love of the concoction made it popular.
But are any other drinks named for athletes? Yes. Many, in fact. And unlike an Arnold Palmer, they're all alcoholic drinks.
Consider trying all 14 this St. Patrick's Day!
Picture Batman Rollerblading
He's the hero Gotham deserves to make fun of.
When President George W. Bush gave his State of the Union address in 2004 he spoke out against steroids in baseball. Before President Obama took office, he derided the BCS system. Yet in his State of the Union address on Wednesday night, Obama said nothing about sports. What the?
It was all economy and wars and blah blah blah. What happened to the important stuff?
Supposedly the president didn't want his speech to go longer than 70 minutes, and all the sports stuff got left out. Ridiculous. But here's what was cut:
"We need to invest in steroids research. We are falling behind China, Germany and Russia. We must close the PED gap. [Hold for applause.] The time is now. We cannot falter. We cannot wait. The Winter Olympics, World Cup and Tour de France are right around the corner. [Hold for a congressman to boo France.] The United States must remain on top."
"Agressive steroids development will not only aid our athletes on the field of play, but it can be part of our goal to be energy independent. Picture it: massive, finely-tuned athletes placed in hamster wheels across the country, running, running, running powering schools, hospitals, and libraries. While the ox and horse were the work animals that built this country, the 'roid head will be the beast that takes us into the future." [Hold for applause.]
"And while our steroid freaks will help us, we must help them. That's why I am calling on Congress to pass comprehensive health care reform that will cover bacne, organ failure, premature baldness, head expansion and, of course, testicular shrinkage. Because as it says in the Constitution, our creator endowed us with certain unalienable rights, among them: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Constitutional scholars have debated the meaning of the 'pursuit of happiness' for centuries, but I know we can all agree that it includes regulation-sized nuts." [Hold for applause.]
"And in conclusion, fk the BCS." [Hold for being made king.]
Even die-hard "Jersey Shore"fanatics may be surprised to learn that cast member Sammi “Sweetheart” played four seasons of NCAA Division III soccer as a midfielder for William Paterson University.
Even more surprising is that her housemates have all had similar forays into the sporting world. Here’s a look at the guidos’ and guidettes’ athletic exploits.
Cast Member: Sammi Sweetheart
Secret Ability: Although she might not have been the most physically gifted, Sammi could whine, pout, and flop for calls with a shamelessness that even the Italian national team envied.
Eventual Downfall: Quit the team mid-game after a coach gave her an encouraging pat on the back. Left the stadium in tears, yelling: “No! You just traumatized me! No man will ever lay a hand on me like that again!”
"He muttered something about fulfilling his purpose in life, and that was it."
Hunter Jonathan Frederick celebrated his shooting of a 10-point buck on Monday by executing a 20-second celebratory dance directly in front of the deer, mocking it as it lay dying.
"I've been waiting for the right opportunity to unveil that dance," said Frederick, of Ambler, Wisconsin. "I really showed that deer what kind of hunter he was dealing with."
Frederick's routine opened with numerous hip thrusts and climaxed by holding his fingers up to his head like they were deer antlers before grabbing at his heart and falling to the ground.
"I could tell by looking into the deer's eyes that when I did that last part he was pretty angry," said Frederick. "If he wasn't two or three breaths away from dying, I'm sure he would have jumped up and gored me. But that's why it was so fun to do because he wasn't able to. His last memory in the world was of me mocking him. Boo-yah!"
The 28-year-old construction worker has been practicing a kill dance since last deer season.
"I'm a big football fan, and I love how those guys dance it up after they score a touchdown or make a big tackle. I wanted to bring that to hunting," he said. "I also wanted to erase the memory of that doe I shot last year who gave me a really condescending look as it died. I promised myself I would never be disrespected by a deer like that again. Pheasants, too."
Walter Reman, the director of the Wisconsin Game Commission, says that while dances such as Frederick's are not condoned, they are also not illegal.
"There's really nothing we can do to stop it," he said. "All I know is that back in my day, hunters didn't act this way. But now with their fancy Under Armour camo and their GPS devices the sport has changed. And not for the better either. These guys aren't in it for the hunt or the meat. They just want to be famous."
Frederick admits he is trying to market himself.
"Next deer I get I'm going to film my dance and put it on YouTube," he said. "I want to be the Ocho Cinco of hunting. Maybe I can get a jerky endorsement or something."
TOP STORIES OF 2008
> New England Patriots go 18-0 and roll into the Super Bowl as huge favorites Yes, they did.
> The New England Patriots lose the Super Bowl So awesome.
> Nothing else really comes to mind At least nothing that compares to 18-1.
HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR
Rodney Harrison would have been there in time to break that pass up. But he thought Eli Manning was getting sacked so he took a moment to inject some steroids.
PICTURE OF THE YEAR
QUOTE OF THE YEAR
"I want to bring hope to America not seen since the Super Bowl on February 3rd." Sen. Barack Obama
TOP STORIES OF 2007
> Florida's Tim Tebow is the first sophomore to win the Heisman Trophy Tebow was also the first tight end to win the Heisman.
> Florida wins its second consecutive men's basketball championship Unfortunately, the team's long runs in back-to-back post-seasons left them with horrible inner thigh chafing from their jorts.
> Roger Federer wins his fifth Wimbledon in a row Perhaps even more impressive, Federer somehow made winning five consecutive Wimbledonsincredibly boring.
> Red Sox win World Series again A four-game sweep over the Rockies gave Boston it's second World Series in four years, but only it's third in 90 years, for an average of just one every 30 years exactly on average for a 30-team league. No fan base has suffuhd mah!
HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR
Noted commercial pitchman Peyton Manning won a Super Bowl in 2007. Yet despite his high-profile and willingness to give out advice like in the above video, it was his head coach, Tony Dungy, who became humanity's go-to source for advice by the end of the decade.
PICTURE OF THE YEAR
QUOTE OF THE YEAR
[Something in Japanese, loosely translated to: "Suck my full-sized Japanese nuts. You'll never pass me."] Sadaharu Oh, to Barry Bonds