Opinion The First Annual Athlete Spelling Bee
- Bee Master
Welcome to the 2011 Athlete Spelling Bee. Let's get started. Mr. Chad Ochocinco, you are first to go.
- Ochocinco
I'm ready.
- Bee Master
Okay. Your word is "shaking".
- Ochocinco
"Shaking". Can you use it in a sentence?
- Bee Master
"I am shaking my damn head."
- Ochocinco
Shaking. S-.
- Bee Master
Wait. You're done?
- Ochocinco
Yes. Shaking is spelled "S". And for extra credit, "my damn head" is spelled M-D-H.
- Bee Master
You are wrong. Next speller. Ben Roethlisberger?
- Roethlisberger
Hit me.
- Bee Master
Your word is "no".
- Roethlisberger
No. Y-E-S. No.
- Bee Master
Wrong. Very wrong. Tim Tebow? You're next.
Opinion What Pro Sport Should You Play?
Opinion The 10 People On Your Company Softball Team
#1 – The Official Equipment Guy
You don't know exactly what his salary is, but it's apparently more than yours. Or, if he does make what you make, he is spending 90-percent of his income on softball equipment. He's got several top-of-the line bats, a brand new glove, two batting gloves, cleats, baseball pants, moisture-wicking performance apparel under his uniform, wrist bands and an expensive bag to keep it all in. Estimated retail price: way, way, way too much for a softball league that has a grand prize of a $14 plastic trophy.
It's all well and good, though, as long as this guy isn't control of any sort of budget at work. If he is, expect your company to go under by the end of the year, just after his $400,000 remodel of the reception area is completed.
#2 – The Injury Machine
He has yet to make it through a single game without suffering a major injury. Sprained ankle, torn hamstring, broken finger. There was even that time he got attacked by a swarm of bees in center field. Cal Ripken played 2,632 consecutive games against the greatest competition in the world; this guy can't even make it through 7 innings against Davis Refrigeration.
And while his injuries hurt the performance of your softball team, it's even worse at work. Good luck impressing a prospective client when this guy hobbles into the meeting covered in open sores.
News Twitter Helping You Grow To Hate All of Your Favorite Athletes
"I love the NBA and I've always liked how Lebron James plays the game and how he's stayed out of trouble and has had a great career despite all of the pressure on him since an early age," said Kris Mazur, an NBA fan in New York. "So when I heard he was active on Twitter I decided to join up and follow him. Three days later and there is no other athlete I have ever despised more than Lebron James."
Mazur's story is similar to many other fans on Twitter across all sports — from basketball and football to NASCAR and golf — who had hoped to follow their favorite athletes beyond news reports and soundbites.
"I eventually had to delete my Twitter account because I realized that I had started to root against every athlete and every team," said Dallas sports fan Kendall Riley. "Twitter was ruining sports for me. I've learned that it's better I just watch them perform on the field and not know that they can't spell, are stunningly egotistical or misogynistic, or just generally uninteresting and douchey."
