Filed Under » Milwaukee Brewers

Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun spoke out today about his victorious appeal of his 50-game suspension for violating baseball’s drug policy, claiming that he is now innocent and that he was wronged in the way his sample was handled.

“I am happy that the process has cleared my name,” said Braun. “However, as you can imagine, the entire ordeal has been incredibly stressful. It has been hard for me to eat or work out due to all of the mental anguish. So I’d say I’ve lost a good 30 pounds of muscle.”

Braun dismissed those who might suggest a drop in production this year or loss of weight would suggest he was using performance enhancers earlier in his career. When asked that question, he quickly consulted with his attorney in a whisper and then returned to the microphone: “To that I would say: ‘Haters gonna hate.’”

Scott Boras, the agent for free agent first baseman Prince Fielder, has been feverishly working the phones in recent days in hopes of getting his client a contract before Fielder emerges from his long, offseason slumber.

“In late October, when the season is over and it starts getting cold, Prince heads into his cave to hibernate,” said Boras. “There he sleeps and lives off of all the stored up fat in his body. Before he crawled in there this year, I promised him he’d have a huge contract waiting for him when he emerged.”

Boras says he is starting to get nervous because Fielder could come out of his winter slumber within a week or two and will have a huge appetite requiring money for food.

“Due to when baseball season ends and when spring training starts, his hibernation schedule is a little ahead of most other bears,” said Boras. “He’s usually out of his cave by mid-January. And he’s very cranky when he emerges. I need to get a contract soon or I could easily be mauled.”

The Boston Red Sox made the biggest signing of the offseason so far today by signing former Milwaukee Brewers first baseman Prince Fielder to an 8-year, $250 million contract.

“Prince is 27 and just entering his prime, so we feel we have locked up a powerful bat at the shortstop position for many years into the future,” said Boston general manager Ben Cherington. “There isn’t another shortstop in the league who can match Prince’s production.”

Fielder has averaged 38 home runs and 107 RBI in his six full seasons in the majors and has a career .282 batting average and .930 OPS. Cherington also pointed to Fielder’s defense as a bonus.

“No offense to Marco Scutaro, who has been a professional for us at shortstop the last two seasons, but he made 33 errors combined in 2010 and 2011,” the new Red Sox GM said. “Prince only made 19. So any perceptions out there that this is a huge downgrade in team defense couldn’t be more absurd.”