Filed Under » Michigan Wolverines

Ohio State's Urban Meyer told a story about Woody Hayes over the weekend at an Ohio coaching convention. According to Meyer, in 1986 a retired Hayes attempted to teach Ohio State coaches about toughness by having a turtle bite his penis. Yes. Really. Click HERE for the details.

SportsPickle was able to land an exclusive interview with the turtle.

Let's just get the main question out of the way at the top: Did you bite former Ohio State head football coach Woody Hayes in the penis?

I did.

How did you wind up biting a famous coach in the penis before a room full of Ohio State coaches?

My family lived next door to Woody's house. My owner, Kevin, was playing with me out on the porch one day and Woody asked if he could borrow me for something he was doing for work. A couple hours later, I've got my jaws chomped down on his dick.

Why? So he asked you to do that to drive home his point?

Where to start. I was born in Michigan. I'm a Michigan turtle. But around 1984, Kevin's dad got transferred from Ann Arbor to a job down in Columbus. Fine. I'm a turtle. As long as I still get to see the Michigan games on TV from my tank I'm cool living wherever. I had no idea goddam Woody Hayes of all people lived next door to our new house. Next thing I know, I'm getting scooped up and driven somewhere in a dark box. Then the box opens and Woody Hayes and Woody Hayes' penis are staring right at me. I had no idea what he was planning to do, but it didn't really seem like there were a lot of positive outcomes in this situation for me, you know? I basically had two options: attack or run. And turtles aren't the best at running. So I bit his penis with everything I had and just hung on.

What kind of turtle are you?

I'm not a monster, if that's what you mean. I did what any turtle would do in that situation. Especially a Michigan turtle.

No, I just mean: What kind of turtle are you? Like a snapper or a –

Oh oh. Box. I'm a box turtle.