In a press conference following Tuesday's loss to the Braves, the outspoken skipper went on an extensive, oftentimes nonsensical rant about the merits of the incandescent light bulb. Members of America's Amish community have since voiced their extreme offense over his remarks.
"We are shocked and saddened at the lack of sensitivity Mr. Guillen displayed towards the Amish people in his recent comments," said Jakob Yoder, a national spokesman for the Anabaptist church. "In bringing praise to the evil that is electric luminescence he has brought shame and mockery to those of us who have resisted its scourge."
While many of Guillen's remarks are too vulgar for print, his most incensing commentary contained implications that those who do not embrace light bulbs are inferior to those who do.
"I love light bulbs. You know why? A lot of people wanted nothing to do with them when they were first invented, and now 130 years later those [expletive] are still here," mused Guillen. "Only savages don't love light bulbs. Without light bulbs, how would anyone play baseball at night? They couldn't. Anyone who can't appreciate heating a filament wire until it produces glow is an enemy of innovation and a traitor to the progress of humanity."
Ahhhh! Giant dinoman!
That brah nearly got it right in the rope necklace.
Well, that was definitely some thing.
He drank all of those for pre-press conference courage.
News Contrite Ozzie Guillen Clarifies Fidel Castro Remarks: "He never accomplished half of what Stalin did"
But Guillen sought to clarify his comments with those he angered in Miami's Cuban-American community today.
"As far as dictators go, the Fidel is basically the shittiest," Guillen began. "Look at his island. The Cuba. It is crap. They say it used to be nice. I doubt it. But he took it from a hell hole to even worse. I do not love a man such as this. I spit on Fidel and all the Cuban people who elect him over and over again. The Cubans are as dumb as their leader."
As Marlins executives and public relations staff members moved to the podium to remove Guillen and end the press conference just sentences after it began, the outspoken manager continued on.
"My favorite dictator? It's not this Fidel," he said. "I do not love or respect him. Compare him to someone like the Russian, Joseph Stalin. The Wikipedia say he was responsible for more than 20 million deaths. That is the true power. He would kill Jay Mariotti in a second. I respect that man. Which is saying much because I hate Russians."
Video Miami Marlins Song
Dexter may kill those responsible for this.
"Our new Marlins Ballpark is the lynch-pin of everything we're doing right now," said team owner Jeffrey Loria. "We need to be close to capacity every night for us to make this work. It's a risk, because no one has ever come to our games. In fact, no one in Miami goes to sporting events of any kind. Why there are sports teams even here, no one knows. But the Marlins are prepared to overcome that history. And we must or we're going to go bankrupt about a week into the season."
Based on internal projections, the Marlins believe they can expect to be draw at least 75-percent capacity every game in their new 74-seat ballpark.
"Our average crowd at Sun Life Stadium was 11 people," said Loria. "Is it bold to think we're going to increase attendance by 600, 700-percent? Sure. But there's starting to be a buzz around town about this team. The Jose Reyes signing was in the newspaper and everything."
From @OzzieGuillen AKA Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen