News Heat Replace Erik Spoelstra with Hologram Auerbach
"Coach Auerbach has a long history of success with superstar-led teams and we think he's the right man to lead the Miami Heat to an NBA title," said Heat president Pat Riley. "Between my five rings and his nine, we're sure to get at least one out of this experiment."
The Heat will use a combination of original voice recordings and re-mixed vocals to make it seem like Auerbach is actually speaking to the current Heat players. To aid in the process, Mario Chalmers has been forced to legally change his name to "Bob", while Joel Anthony now goes by "Russ".
"Giving up my name is a small price to pay to help this team," Russ Anthony said. "Besides, I'm still just happy to have a job. They probably could've replaced me with a hologram and been no worse off."
Picture Lebron Hate in Tire Cover Form
Good thing no Celtics players have ever cried or complained.
Picture Chris Bosh Sets a New Record for Chris Bosh Face
He just saw Lebron's hairline without the headband.
Video Philadelphia's One Sixers Fan Heckles Lebron James
That guy doesn't know how many superstars the Sixers have, nor can he name any of their players.
Picture Lebron James Keeps His Rogaine in a Tiny Purse
So the man having the best NBA season ever carries a purse? Cool.
Picture This Sports Fan Has No Friends
He also likes the Patriots and Red Wings and Duke basketball and Alabama football.
Picture Dance Party at Heat-Sixers Game
It's not surprising that Chris Bosh dances weird.
