Picture Lebron James Enjoys Teen Lit
Had he attended college, he would have read literature like "The Hunger Games."
"I was shopping for headbands yesterday and I wasn't finding any that were big enough for, you know, what I'm looking for a headband to do," said James. "And then I had a revelation: What if my dad was one of those turban-wearing people? So I called my mom to find out. It went to voice mail, so I took that as a confirmation that he was."
After a quick Google search on his iPhone, James discovered that "those turban-wearing people" are primarily Indians who practice the Sikh religion.
"So that's what I am an Indian Sikh," said James. "It actually sounds kind of cool. Although I would happily be a regular old American Indian, too. A headdress would also work really well to uh absorb sweat from my head."
It is believed that James is the first NBA player with an Indian ancestry. He could also become the first Sikh in league history.
"I haven't converted yet. I'm still learning about the religion," he said. "The Wikipedia page on it was much longer than I expected and I'm not through the whole thing yet. I just want to make sure first that Sikhs don't have a problem with throwing yourself lavish birthday parties in every NBA city in the country. Because I really like doing that. But even if they do, I'm still definitely wearing a big turban on the court. You know, for my dad."
Picture Inside the Mind of Lebron James
See, he does need those hipster glasses.
Dwyane Wade really ages well.
This child couldn't even imagine his headbanded future.
Ahhh, it's claw is so adorable!
Checking in at 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 21 inches long, the baby boy WHY IS IT BLOWING FIRE OUT OF ITS NOSTRILS?! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?! CALL THE ARMY?! HELP US BEFORE IT KILLS US ALL!!!
The boy is the first child for the couple, who married last summer, and AAHH! IT BIT ME! THAT THING BIT ME! TRY TO SHOVE IT BACK INSIDE!!! WAIT, NO! DON'T TOUCH IT! IT MAY BE AN ALIEN DRAGON!
The new member of the Bosh family arrived at 3:00 a.m. this morning at University of Miami Hospital where IT'S FLYING AROUND THE ROOM! HIT IT! HIT IT WITH A BROOM! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S ON MY BACK! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!!!
Picture Someone Farted on the Heat Bench
The Heat bench does stink.
"Coach Auerbach has a long history of success with superstar-led teams and we think he's the right man to lead the Miami Heat to an NBA title," said Heat president Pat Riley. "Between my five rings and his nine, we're sure to get at least one out of this experiment."
The Heat will use a combination of original voice recordings and re-mixed vocals to make it seem like Auerbach is actually speaking to the current Heat players. To aid in the process, Mario Chalmers has been forced to legally change his name to "Bob", while Joel Anthony now goes by "Russ".
"Giving up my name is a small price to pay to help this team," Russ Anthony said. "Besides, I'm still just happy to have a job. They probably could've replaced me with a hologram and been no worse off."