Filed Under » Miami Heat

As the championship celebration unfolded in the Miami Heat locker room Thursday night, players each took their turns hoisting the coveted Larry O'Brien trophy. After passing through the hands of LeBron James and Dwyane Wade, though, forward Chris Bosh put an early end to the trophy's night with an excessively wet smooch to its crown.

Teammates looked on with horror and disgust as Bosh parted his reptilian mouth and made prolonged intimate contact with the trophy, leaving a greenish strand of saliva dangling from its 24 karat gold overlay.

"I'M JUST SO HAPPY!" Bosh shouted before offering the trophy to Udonis Haslem, who backed off cautiously, refusing to embrace the prize of their hard-fought season.

"No way, man, that's nasty," said Haslem. "I think I'll just get showered up and head home."

Bosh, drenched in champagne and perched gargoyle-like on a bench, then took the trophy and rubbed it gingerly against his grotesquely extended neck, his hands trembling with methamphetaminic aplomb.

Lebron James and the Miami Heat now stand just one game short of an NBA title, meaning that if Lebron wins a ring, the full attention of the sports media will turn to Tim Tebow and the New York Jets.

"We want to win a championship for ourselves," said Thunder coach Scott Brooks. "But I'm not going to tell you that not unleashing 24/7 Jets coverage on the nation isn't additional motivation. We know America is counting on us to save them."

James believes that the national fear of Tebow coverage without the "Will LeBron ever win a ring?" story to balance it out is part of the reason he is hated by so many.

"I never committed any crimes. I'm not a bad guy, yet I'm hated more than anyone in sports," said James. "If people don't want me to win a championship because it will result in more Tebow coverage, well … I can completely understand that."