I had no idea John Daly was a Dolphins fan.
This never would have happened with replacement refs. They didn't even know how to speak.
#1 The Support Group Approach
Be there. Together. Because if you're alone and watch this team, well let's not even think about it.
Their ticket number probably doubles as a suicide hotline.
Wide receivers often don't have a lot of general football knowledge.
Wait, an interception? That makes his 245% completion percentage look less impressive.
The Eeyore tat on his neck is even more hardcore.
Davone Bess has to be upset about being beaten out by nobody.
"Only Aaron Sorkin could make tackling people this pretentious," wrote the New York Times.
"No one talks like this. Thankfully. Because it's incredibly annoying," read the Variety review.
"Usually Sorkin has weak female characters, but now he doesn't have any. This isn't surprising at all," the LA Times stated.
"This shit fking sucks. I'm turning it off," wrote thousands of people on Twitter.
Despite the criticism, Sorkin said he stands by "Hard Knocks" 100-percent.
"Anytime people are talking this much about a show, you know it has struck a nerve," he said. "This is a story America needs to hear, a story that ," he continued on and on, failing miserably in his attempt to not sound like smug prick.
The debut episode featured a scene in which Dolphins quarterback David Garrard bounced a pass at the feet of receiver Chad Johnson in a 7-on-7 drill, prompting Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin to launch into a long monologue about how the incompletion was a metaphor for America's failure to keep sports in its proper perspective. The next scene dealt with the personal relationships of the players and was somehow even more annoying and uninteresting.
"It's just the way we do it," said Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland. "Every franchise has its own approach to certain things. This is ours. We think it keeps us fresher for the season and prevents our players from getting hurt practicing."
Some have said that the Miami's refusal to practice before the season is the reason the franchise hasn't won a Super Bowl since 1973 or even appeared in a Super Bowl since the 1984 season. But Ireland disputes that claim.
"Check the calendar. Super Bowls are won in February, not July and August," he said. "I think not taking the field together until kickoff in Week 1 gives our team a certain freshness that other teams don't have."
Patriots head coach Bill Belichick actually backs Ireland up on that thought.
"Other teams you can prepare for because you know they'll do thing on the field that a professional football team would do, but not the Dolphins," said Belichick. "I mean, you know you're still going to kill them, but the manner in which you kill them can't really be planned."