Picture Zach Randolph Wants to Kill and Eat Chris Paul
He does kind of look like a gummy bear.
News Rudy Gay Bullied by Teammates for Effeminate First Name
“All my life I have been bullied for the perceived feminine qualities of my first name, and it has only gotten worse since I started playing professional basketball,” said Gay during a small press conference this morning. “I am here today to announce that I will no longer tolerate it.”
Gay stated in the press conference that throughout his career he’d been called names like Trudy, Judy, Rhubarb and Rudy Tooty Fresh ‘N’ Fruity by teammates both to his face and behind his back.
Gay said that the ridicule is particularly merciless when he under-performs and teammates call him Moody Rudy, making snide insinuations that he is menstruating and that that is the cause of his poor performance. He also said that teammates will avoid coming near him in the shower or on the bus for fear of catching “Rudy Cooties.”
“Honestly, Rudy isn’t even a very effeminate name. I don’t know any girl Rudys, except for Rudy Huxtable, I guess, and she’s not a real person,” said Gay. “What about players with names like Nenê or Emeka or Shannon? No one’s hatin’ on them.”
Picture Tennessee Believes in the Grizzlies Even if No One Else Does
So that's what Tennessee looks like. Huh.
Picture Now You Know: Tony Allen Plays for the Grizzlies
Who's Tony Allen? His bio is shaved into his chest hair. (via @ChrisVernonShow)
Video Raptors Fan Can't Believe Rudy Gay Wasn't Denied the Ball
This guy needs to be hired as a color commentator.
Picture Stan Van Gundy is Understandably Sad About Losing to the Grizzlies
There are plenty of videos where Ron Jeremy makes the same face. (via @bubbaprog)
News NBA Contracts Memphis Grizzlies Midway Through 3rd Quarter
As Grizzlies guard O.J. Mayo was dribbling up the court on a fastbreak, NBA commissioner David Stern walked to center court and asked for everyone’s attention. The confused players slowly stopped playing and gathered around Stern.
“Yeah, I’ve got some bad news,” said Stern. “The Grizzlies don’t exist anymore as of … O.J.? You want to make that layup first?”
Mayo attempted the layup, but missed.
“Well, that’s fitting,” continued Stern. “Anyway, as of now, the Grizzlies don’t exist anymore. Just wanted to let you know. Okay then. Have a good night.”
News Rudy Gay Files Paperwork to Change Jersey Name
On the heels of the news that Lebron James would be switching numbers beginning next season, Memphis Grizzlies forward Rudy Gay has filed the requisite paperwork to change the name on the back of his jersey. As is the case with James’s decision, the move is widely speculated to be a marketing ploy.
Despite a high-profile college career at UConn and a productive four-year NBA career, Gay ranked second-to-last in jersey sales last year, with only three being sold: one to a gay Grizzlies fan, one to a Memphis college student who was drunk, and one to Grizzlies equipment manger Scott Fiore who misplaced Gay’s real jersey before a game last year against the Sixers.
“It was really embarrassing for me to have to do that,” said Fiore. “Not losing his real jersey. That happens from time to time. But going up to our team store and actually purchasing it. I said I wanted a number 22 jersey, just trying to get in and get out without getting noticed. But the sales lady was all like: ‘You mean a GAY jersey? Really? A jersey with GAY on it? That’s what you want? A GAY one. You want a GAY jersey, is that correct, sir? GAY?’ Really loud so everyone could hear.”
The NBA league office confirmed that Gay, whose jersey sales rank behind only Warriors reserve swingman Demarcus Longtaint, would be making a switch, but refused to disclose what the new name would be. A source within the Grizzlies organization stated on the condition of anonymity that Gay was deciding between “Pussyslayer”, “Thundercock”, and the Chinese character for virility.
Gay will unveil his new jersey name at a press conference this Friday, to be held at the Platinum Rose gentlemen’s club in downtown Memphis.
