In a statement released this morning, NBC sports chief Dick Ebersol, speaking on behalf of his network and the city of Vancouver, issued a public apology for their coverage and hosting of the Women’s Figure Skating final Thursday night, which many have called “extremely professional”, and, “of the highest quality.”
“Over the course of these games, we at NBC, as well as the city of Vancouver, have received numerous criticisms from attendees, viewers, and athletes alike for providing you with consistently incompetent coverage and presentation from things like the Opening Ceremonies to the quality and safety of the venues”, said Ebersol. "But last night there were no problems. In fact, it was quite a remarkable evening. And for that we sincerely apologize.”
In response to several skaters’ remarks pertaining to the high quality of the ice on the rink, Vancouver Organizing Committee head John Furlong said, “I have absolutely no idea why anyone would say that about our facilities. We check and recheck to make sure there are as many potential problems for these athletes as possible, and for some of the ladies to come out and say that we performed our job well is ludicrous.”
When asked later how the network and city plan on approaching the Closing Ceremonies, Ebersol said, “Wait, what? There’s aClosingCeremonies too? Aww fk me.”
NBC News’ switchboard and email inboxes were jammed this week with complaint after complaint from viewers outraged that they were shown footage of a tragic plane crash in Austin on tape delay only.
“It’s a disgrace,” said emailer Jim Atwell.“You people at NBC should be completely disgusted with yourselves.It’s the 21stcentury, and you’re still airing plane crashes on tape delay?FOR SHAME.”
The crash, in which disgruntled software engineer Joseph Stack deliberately piloted a small plane into an Austin building that housed offices of both the FBI and IRS, was shown on the MSNBC network well after it had taken place.Many viewers expressed annoyance that they knew the results of the crash well before they went to tune in.
“Whoever is in charge of programming this crash should be hit with a plane,” said emailer Fran Walters.“I had already read about the crash online.And here comes NBC, Mr. Johnny Come Lately, with the footage of burning buildings and ambulances ten minutes later?Pathetic.”
A voicemail left by viewer David Fursby was even more vituperative.“This is a marquee news event.How does NBC explain NOT showing us the footage of this crash live, as it occurred?”
After leaving his voicemail, Fursby noted to reporters that this is not the first time NBC News has practiced such chicanery.
“It’s unconscionable.They show us footage of the Austin plane crash.Then, just when I was getting into it, they switch over to footage of the Haiti earthquake.And THAT was on tape delay too!And in between that, I had to suffer through some God awful puff piece about a soldier in Iraq whose father died when he young.Are you kidding me?”
NBC News president Steve Capus defended his network’s programming choices.
“We don’t actually have cameras there live when a plane crash occurs, because it is a spontaneous event,” said Capus.“While a minority of loud voices may complain about not being able to see the crash live, the fact is that tape delaying our coverage hasn’t hurt our bottom line one bit.”
Capus noted that ratings for the crash were up 10% over the network’s coverage of the Buffalo plane crash of May 2009.
“We’re going to keep doing what is in the best interests of out network,” said Capus.
That statement didn’t sit well with viewers like Fursby.
“I hope FOX wins the rights to the next plane crash,” he said, shaking with anger.
In an effort to boostviewership numbers through the first week of this year’s Games, NBC is hoping to ride the social networking wave by advertising Olympic events on Facebook. Judging by these five examples, it’s not going great.
Take a look…
Giant fatass Brooklyn Decker, her once desirable body hanging with cellulite just a week after her Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue hit newsstands, says she suspects SI's famed cover jinx is the cause of her sudden and disgusting weight gain.
Decker visited her doctor in Manhattan last week after noticing the early stages of the weight gain in the hours after the issue went on sale, as well as seeing a decrease of two cup sizes in her breasts. But a team of specialists could find no cause for the changes.
"I'm not going to lie. This is really going to test our marriage and my love for her," said her husband, tennis player Andy Roddick. "Sweet Jesus. She's disgusting. Look at her just hanging off the couch over there. I don't think I can love a pig like that."
On top of the 200 pounds the model has gained, Decker has tested positive for herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea and an STD that before was only known to be present in a rare species of owl from sub-Saharan Africa. Her clitoris has also formed into a small, but functioning penis.
"If it wasn't so sad and if she wasn't so distraught about it all if she wasn't so goddam gross to look at now, it would really be a fascinating medical case," said Decker's physician, Dr. Emmitt Monfit. "That said, I'd like to give her more tests, but I honestly can't do it. She reeks of rotten cheese and when I got into this business, I promised myself I'd only examine hot chicks. Brooklyn is definitely not that anymore."
Sports Illustrated editor Terry McDonell says he has seen this happen before, and that the possibility of something like this happening due to the SI cover jinx is listed in every cover model's contract, but that they rarely read the small print.
"Brooklyn is not the first, unfortunately," said McDonell. "Have you seen Tyra Banks these days? Gross. I mean, no, she's not as big a tub as Brooklyn is, but she is incredibly annoying. I know I wouldn't do her."
NBC made perhaps its most criticized programming decision of the Vancouver Olympics last night when the network cut away from Lindsey Vonn's gold medal run in the women's downhill to air the 1968 TV movie "Heidi", starring Maximilian Schell, Jean Simmons, Jennifer Edwards and Michael Redgrave.
"It's the decision we made," said NBC spokesman Christopher McCloskey. "We had already shown 20 minutes of downhill, and 'Heidi' is a TV classic with an incredible cast. I mean, Michael Redgrave! I guess you can't please everybody."
The network has been stocking its primetime schedule with tape delayed events in an era of the Internet, iPhones and Twitter, while refusing to show many events live during the day, thereby ruining the Olympic viewing experience for a large portion of NBC's audience.
Olympic host Bob Costas said he supported the decision to leave Vonn's tape delayed run.
"Have you seen 'Heidi'? The little girl is adorable. Plus, there are mountains in it and snow," he said. "It's the kind of human interest story we prefer airing during the Olympics to actual live sports. What's really unfortunate is that there isn't a sequel. Too bad NBC doesn't do scripted shows anymore, or we could make 'Heidi 2'!"
While NBC has received millions of complaints from viewers across the country, its ratings for the Olympics remain high even for tape delayed events, and saw a huge spike during the broadcast of "Heidi".
"We aren't trying to woo sports fans," said McCloskey. "We want mainstream America, housewives, people who aren't really sports fans, but watch the Olympics for the drama and the wholesome personal stories. And they have loved our coverage of the Olympics. In fact, their only complaint has been that we haven't incorporated enough Jay Leno."
Jimmy Johnson is in a new ad for ExtenZe. The commercial is full of subtext because penis pills are a delicate subject matter especially when the maker of the product being advertised has been nabbed for false advertising and unfair business practices, and the product is not FDA approved.
I mean, you can't just come out and say: "This doesn't work! But we would still like your money!" Hence: subtlety.
Let's examine the ad.
The commercial's transcript follows. Bold is the transcript, non-bolded is the subtlety!
"I’m Jimmy Johnson and I recently became the spokesperson for Extenze, the No. 1 maleenhancement tablet. You know it's No. 1 because it has an unnecessary Z in the name. All quality, reputable drugs are named as though they are mid-90s rappers. Everyone knows this. Even though I’m the winner of four collegiate and professional football championships and have a sportscasting career, I can still use more money and I'm not a REAL journalist, so I have no problem doing a commercial like this. I’ve been surprised at the one big Get it? BIG! Like a really giant penis! A massive throbbing cock!!! Just picture it! question guys ask me these days: “Does ExtenZe really work?” Can you believe it? I can't. If I was a regular guy who could ask me a question, I'd ask something like: "Did your Miami Hurricanes teams smoke crack in the locker room?" Or: "Why didn't you release Michael Irvin and call the cops when he stabbed a teammate in the neck with a pair of scissors? Do you have no morals?" Or: "Is Michael Strahan as big a douche in real life as he appears to be on television?" But, no. They ask about ExtenZe. So here’s my answer: it works for me Remember that huge dong I had you imagine a few seconds ago? Now picture it on me! That's right. I'm hard right now. and since ExtenZe has sold over a billion tablets to men, I’m thinking it works for them, too.Because sales = greatness. Just look at the Top 40! All of that music is AWESOME. Most men want to perform the best they can in just about everything. Isn’t that why we buy the biggest There's that word again! It refers to my huge dick! and best of everything? So if you want that maxiumum performance edge every day, I say go long with ExtenZe [throws ball]. I do. [Note: ExtenZe may make your manhood larger. However, as evidenced by how I just threw that football, it will NOT make you throw like a man.]"
"[Announcer]:If you call now, we’ll send you a week’s supply of Extenze absolutely free. All you pay for is the postage stamp. You'll also give up your dignity. Because we send it an a big ass box with ExtenZe written in huge font on the side, so all your neighbors know you have a micropenis. And we’ll also send you an invitation to have dinner with Jimmy Johnson at an upcoming ExtenZe dinner event.Classy! Dinner with Jimmy and a free week’s supply of Extenze, all for the cost of a postage stamp. Call now. Use your pinky-sized penis to dial the phone!"
The annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is perhaps the most successful magazine franchise of all-time.
The formula works well for Sports Illustrated. But not so much for other publications and SI offshoots that have tried swimsuit issues. Take a look.
Another Super Bowl has come and gone, and with it, a bunch of ads. SportsPickle has taken the liberty of grading these ads. So if you Tivo’d the Super Bowl and want to know which ads to skip, this is the guide for you.
Also: the Saints won. Spoiled it for you, dumbass!HA!
Product: Bud Light
Description: A guy invites his friends over to his new place, which is made entirely of Bud Light cans. His friends do not experience the horror, revulsion, and pity that most would experience upon discovering their friend built a house out of beer cans. Instead, they drink eagerly. YAY! Man time!
Objective: To show viewers just how much Bud Light means to these characters.
Grade: F-. This person is badly in need of a 12-step program and his friends are enablers.
American tennis star Andy Roddick admitted today to feeling somewhat uncomfortable and conflicted about pleasuring himself to the cover of this year's Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.
"I don't know. It just felt odd," said Roddick. "I mean, that's my wife. It was weird. A lot of the fantasy was lost. I guess I almost did it out of habit."
Roddick said he finished up as quickly as he could, and then went downstairs and watched TV with Brooklyn Decker, his wife and the 2010 cover model. Decker propositioned him during their DVR'd episode of '24', but Roddick turned her down claiming he was too tired.
"What was I supposed to say: 'Sorry. Can't. Just rubbed one out to your SI cover?'" he said. "These are not situations the average American male is put in. It's not fair that I have to go through this. There is no manual for this. I think I just wish she didn't model anymore."
In addition to feeling conflicted about having to fantasize about his own wife, Roddick said he struggled to be taken completely in by the stunning cover shot.
"She looks amazing in those yellow bikini bottoms," he said. "But at the same time, we had Indian for dinner yesterday and all night long she was farting up the bed. So I know that it's not all good underneath there, you know?"
Decker admitted she also felt odd about masturbating to this year's swimsuit cover.
The media conglomerate run by NFL star Chad Ochocinco, Ocho Cinco News Network, has come under fire recently from fellow journalists claiming that OCNN deliberately shies away from key news stories.
“Not one. Not one news story critical of President Obama or his administration has aired on OCNN,” Fox News personality Glenn Beck told viewers on his show today. “Meanwhile our republic heads ever closer to destruction because OCNN and the rest of the mainstream media isn’t serving the public.”
OCNN was started in October 2009 by Ochocinco as a way to communicate directly to his fans. Since then OCNN has expanded during a time of media cutbacks, and now reports on such topics as what Ochocinco did last Saturday night, how Ray Rice felt after seeing “The Blind Side,” and what kind of sexual positions Chris Cooley and his wife use most. The network is soon expected to pass CNN and MSNBC in ratings. But other members of the press are starting to expect more.
Radio commentator Rush Limbaugh has said OCNN’s growth is due “social concern.”
“The media has been very desirous that a black wide receiver do well in its business,” Limbaugh told listeners.
But it isn’t just conservative members of the media that are publicly calling out OCNN for its journalistic failings. MSNBC correspondent Keith Olbermann spoke out Wednesday night on his show.
“Chad Ochocinco, sir – if that is even your name, sir,” railed Olbermann. “You have within your power to help bring change that this country desperately needs. Health care, sir. Gay marriage, sir. And an immigration policy that serves the many people in this country that share your Mexican background. There are two unjust wars being waged, sir. Or do you not care to have Pat Tillman’s blood on your hands?”
Ochocinco has been uncharacteristically silent on the criticism. His most recent Twitter update read, “@tammytorres roses are red violets are blue no more being lonely now I have youPOWTHAT WAS SO CORNY”.