Everyone in Michigan just got a new picture for above the fireplace.
Based on the expression on his face, it went pretty deep.
Not to be a soccer hater, but tornadoes are more exciting.
He looks, how you say? very wet.
Versus CEO Mark Schmidt, from Chapter One: "The First Sports Network To Start on a Drunken Dare"
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"No, we didn't have any big stars like Chris Berman or the gorilla mascot from the Phoenix Suns, but what we did have was a great deal of inexperience and a severe lack of professionalism. We literally learned to work the cameras as we went. We actually shot most of our footage with Mark's iPhone and used iMovie to put it all together. That's why there were so many text alert sounds during our Mountain West conference football coverage."
Versus Production Director and Part-Time Custodian Jonas Felt, from Chapter Three: "On The Shoulders of Midgets"
He hasn't done a sportscast since that fateful day. Shocking.
He probably does this on orders from Charles Barkley.
"You watch that show and you hear all about momentum and torque and velocity and fancy science words like that," said evangelical leader Dr. James Dobson. "But, first of all, even if those things do exist, they were invented by our Creator. And, second, there is a place and a need for what science can't answer about sports. Like how good and evil and the inspired Word of God impacts, say, Lebron James dunking. When he dunks, it is only by the grace of God. There is no denying that."
"Sport Faith," which will initially run during telecasts of televangelist Pat Robertson's "700 Club," will focus in its debut episode on Yankees closer Mariano Rivera, who is baseball's active leader in saves.
"Mariano chose not to participate, so we mainly just talk about how he is fine if you want saves on Earth," said Dobson. "But if you truly want to be saved, no pitcher can help you. Jesus Christ is the greatest closer of all-time."
In the old days he would have followed that up by throwing them through windows.
The writer probably has a good lede comparing abusing the defense to child molestation.