Filed Under » Manchester United

Manchester United announced that star striker Wayne Rooney will sit out an additional two weeks to heal his knee injury, a devastating blow to the club and to your Craigslist roommate Greg.

"I just don't know how we're going to get through the Liverpool match without Rooney," said Greg, who you're not totally sure is from Ohio, but you are sure is from America. "Chicharito brings some spark to the table, but nobody can replace Wazza [Rooney's nickname]."

Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson made the announcement from the team's Old Trafford stadium to a group of reporters, who then relayed the tragic news to several soccer-oriented websites, one of which delivered it to Greg, a slightly older guy who you spoke to for seven minutes on one apartment visit and then decided to live with for an entire year.

"It's like how do we stay out in front of [Manchester] City and Chelsea without him?" said Greg, the stranger you share a bathroom with. "It's not like [goalkeeper David] De Gea's going to shut them out every match."

Greg, whose underwear you've taken out of a dryer and thrown into a hamper, went on to talk at length about Patrice Evra, the FA Cup, and other stuff that involves soccer, probably.