News Blood-Spattered Kobe Bryant Insists Pau Gasol Flew Back to Spain as Soon as the Season Ended
"Yeah, I've heard the crazy rumors, too," said Bryant, wiping blood off of his face with a towel while speaking to Oklahoma City police. "I guess because a few people claim they heard screams and saw me attacking Pau with an ax? I don't know. People say crazy things. But, no, right after the game ended, Pau headed to the airport and flew home. He said he was going there forever and would never be back."
Bryant then picked up his blood-soaked axe and held it menacingly in the direction of his teammates: "Didn't Pau say that, guys," Bryant said to them. "Tell the good officers."
Bryant's Lakers teammate, crying and in shock, nodded their heads in agreement.
Picture Matt Barnes and Russell Westbrook Have a Special Moment
Even in competition there is time for love.
Picture Metta World Peace Finally Gets the Perfect Name
He was always meant to be known as Lakers idiot.
Picture The Sacramento Kings are the 2012 NBA Playoff Darkhorses
I knew Jimmer would get them in the playoffs somehow.
Picture Clarification: Metta World Peace's Foul was Not Fragrant
While not fragrant, he does appear to be having some issues with his undercarriage.
Picture NBA.com Gives Us the World Peace Headline We All Wanted to See
A player named Total Anarchy has been reinstated.
News Disillusioned Metta World Peace Changes His Name to Military Industrial Complex
"I am older and wiser today that I was at 31 when I changed my name to Metta World Peace. I am 32 now," said Complex, who was originally known as Ron Artest. "I no longer have that naive, idealistic viewpoint of the world. True world peace is not realistic. That sounds cold, but it's the truth. There's some ugly shit in the world. All we can do is look out for ourselves. For our own safety and wealth. That's all that matters."
Complex says he now feels foolish to have called himself World Peace.
"It was a sign of weakness," he said. "I can't be weak in a world full of death and war and flagrant fouls."
Picture Golden State Warriors Do Suck Too Much to be Included in Promos
It's bad enough that their name was mentioned.


